Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
im thinking of him.. most of the time..!! maybe its too much for you but i just cant stop thinking of him today..dunno why? im missing Him a lot thats the point... Argghhh!
Rasa bersalah sangat..haizz..! i dunno how is his feels last nite but i wanna say SORRY sangat2.. i know im wrong last nite...dunno y but suddenly no moods...thats why la i act nak tak nak ja time dia call...i feel so bad...! haizz..!
Miss Him !!! ( Shet..im drowning again...!!) - hard to breath!! God, please make me strong this time.. im scared!! really scared...haizzz..! why so moody today..?? ( I MISS HIM can u get it??!! )sakit sangat ni hati..i just dunno how to face it...
will meet him soon..but i feel that times pass so slow.. i just cant wait..huh! tia siok ni feels..kalau boleh i want to see him everyday! sakit jiwa tahan rindu.. for the first time i missed someone that much.. and for the first time also i feel scared facing New Year walaupun dalam masa yang sama ndak sabar.. dunno y..but im scared for walking there.. banyak benda yang ganggu kepala hotak sia time nie... But, at the same time hoping that nothing bad happen to me..especially US.. thats the things dat i scared so much.. Pa2 pun..i just wanna leave all this to God.. biar pa pun yg terjadi i hope that i can accept it...
i'll be missing him more on this christmas..! dah la x dapat celebrate sama2.. haizz!!
** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, HUBBY **
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
si Hubby???? hee.. lama rasanya tidak merasa kek coklat..air liur meleleh2 nampak ni picture..
harap2 lah sabtu ni they choose coklat cake for the birthday party.. Hopefully..!
My Favourite Ice creammm..!! Si Hubby help me..hahhaha..!!
Gumuk pun gumuk lar..i tak kesah dah..! ( padahal dalam hati ' saya mau kurus' )
tapi ni ice cream memang tak kan d lepaskan...Si hubby????
jan c lama...hahahha! i know he like it too...nanti mo pujuk dia lai ni.."(<_>)"
( Si Hubby..if u tebaca this post jan pula pura2 tak tau yee...)
..kan bagus jadi butA ( iskk..pa yg d repekkan nie )
..since dari budak2 till now..masih juga..pigi klinik ubat yg sama juga d bagi
..klinik swasta pun ble jadi untung gara2 mata ini..last2 aku pla yang bankrup..!
..Pakai cermin mata?? camna la wajah tu aahh? ermmm...x ble imagined!
..misti buruk..dah la wajah tak secantik mana..huhuhu..
..bertekad mau ke pakar mata lah ni...paksa diri..jangan takut ( membagi semangat diri sendiri)
..Apa2 pun besok mungkin saya cuti akan MC sendiri dengan mengunakan alasan ' MATA MERAH'
..Huh..whatever..! ( dalam masa yg sama berdoa agar mata sembuh sebelum sabtu)
..Sabtu ni ada family gathering temau mata menspoilkan every pose pada ari tu...
p/s : Saya Rindu Kamu Encik Ronald.. '(>_<)'.. bilakah lagi akan ketemu??.. Huh! kamu buat hati ini tidak keruan...
- L.O.V.E -
Monday, December 13, 2010
.. 11/12/2010 - Miss the day so much!!!..can i have that day again??..its makes me miss him like crazy..after been a month didnt meet finally on that day i meet him..its feels like u meet your heaven..maybe my statement sounds too much but thats what i feel..i've been so patient before and when the time i've waited so long comes its like the days is yours...only yours..! - I MISS HIM - maybe my words wasnt enough to show it but im trully deeply missing you Hubby..!
..Hubby, Now im counting the days to meet you again..maybe tommorow , next week or next month but im sure will spend the time again with you.. Dun worry im gonna be more patient this
time.. Becoz when i meet you again next time i wanna make it the most favourite day in my life.. The unforgetable sweet memories with you becoz you're the most special in my life now..and im scared to death to loose you.. Please stay with me forever.. Can ka??.. coz i just dunno how my life would be if you leave me...
.. Hubby, for the first time in my life i gave all my hopes to a guy.. and its YOU.. and i hope you to fulfill the space in my heart.. No one else..! and promise me that you're the one that i can hold forever.. [ Haizz...im EMO again..tears come again..why my heart feel so hurt.. whatever!! ]
.. Hubby, you are my love..the one that i cant live without.. the one that i think about all time and i cant seem to get you off my mind.. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH - no words can express my real feels..i just hope that you can feels it no matter what i do and say to you.. i dont care if others think im not serious but i need you to care about it..!!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.
Today..before posting this i been thinking everything happen from the first..the day my eyes catch him..his dreadlock hair that attract me that time..the smile that most influenced me to admire him..hee..no words ever come out from our mouth..its just a smile that connect us..everything happen out of control..chat on FB & replying comment on fb makes me want to know more about him..and suddenly this weired feels come..!! hahha.. I admiring HIM!!..try not to thinks more about it but that feels become more stronger everyday..and at last on 16 sept 2010 i told him that i ADMIRE him..huh!!..hee...i dunno where i get the strength but what i know i told him..of coz i feel scared n malu..tapi suma tu tidak terasa the time i told him..aftr done the first sound that come from me is ' FUHH..LEGA..' !! hee.. what happen aftr that??..will tell you all next time..how we at last be together..! hee..`
` - BEING WITH YOU - im deeply in love with this guy..hahhaha..! crazy rite..last time i never want to think my future with any guy that i dated..but, suddenly the feels appear when he comes to my life..dunno what attract me most to him..but as i says before he is the one who makes me feel so many feeling...Angry , sad , jealous, blues and the most is HAPPY..! he let me fall in love with him over and over again..! - THE PLAN - is one of the most priority now..hopefully its happen as what we want..GOD, help us..! i need it..i know its still have a long days to be waited and makes me unpatient..! so many things flies around my head now..kakkaka..! - HOW , WHEN, WHERE & WHAT - this words keeps pop in and makes my heart beat Dup Dap Dup Dap..its dance!! hahaha..! OMG, i just cant wait it happen..!`
` -TAKE CARE- my favourite words...i'll choose this rather than I LOVE YOU..! hee..its becoz for me TAKE CARE says it all..all the romantic words was included..but - TAKE YOUR TIME - makes me feel annoying..hahahah..! dunno why bt i hate this words when im talking to him..sometimes i used this just to show him that im not in mood..but not everyday i use it for that...when im in mood i used it too..lols! but overall the percentage of DISLIKE is more high than LIKE..! Tapi..apa2 pun i like all his words!! im craving for that..Luv U Hubby ..
` Be ready hubby...hahhaha..! becoz im totally cant take you off from my heart now..! and dont blame me if someday you'll drowning in my love..wakakkakak! upsss..its sounds like what huh??..lols..! whatever..!
** Been Friend with them for almost 2 years...i never expected to be in their life..im happy..!! for the first time in my life i shared a lot of my secret to others.. i trust them and thats why i can get along with them for that long **
** HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sharbby Tracy Lo..!! Wish You Luck and Happy Always!! Love You..**
Cupcakesss!! is Everywhere..!
`Another Pose From us..being pose again and again just becoz we didnt like the others..wakakak!`
Friday, December 3, 2010
One thing i regret now is why la im so silly p ask dia that question..budu..so childish la me..!! sorry hubby if i make u feel uncomfortable..i didnt meant it..i just lost in handling all this emotion now..really sorry..!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
...i know in relationship theres a bitter and sweet..but if i can change it to be just sweet i think im the only one person who is smiling every second..i just need honesty and remove lies on there...if can i want this is the last pain i want in my life...im improving myself..i have to..becoz i hate myself now..im going to change it..!!!
..i do this becoz in the end of my life i want you the only one who i shared my life..my happiness..my sadness..my emptiness..my jealousy...only you...i love you so much..!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
the 1st things i do every morning..emm..sejak d transfer ke kaunter i have a lot of time on facebook..such a bored day..
..sometime i thinking to find another jobs just to fill this boredom!..i need something which makes me active...! i hate being in this situation..argggghhhh!! hate..!!
..today mostly my time i fulfill by browsing others blog..ermmm...! so many stories i read...there's a lot of expression i got today...sad, happy, funny, hatred & angry...
...LIFE - my favourite words ever...i can write about this for a few pages..hahahha..! a words that means a lot...a single words that makes everyone change.. sometimes i wish thats my life is better that anybody...jahatkan..! hee...i wish that i get everything i need..i wish that anyone that hurts my heart got punishment...i wish that im more beautiful, clever & humble...in a simple words is IM GOOD IN ANY WAYS...
..But, i God, has create me like this...and im more thankful that im not like what i wish..im thankful that im more to the other side of what i wish..which is making me more sensitive with what ever happen arround me.. Hurmmm..! what a LIFE..! always brings me to this blues feeling..
..Since i was younger..Life always the most reason why im here today..the sweet & sour life thats makes me grows as a stronger person..even sometimes i have to pretend stronger still im thankful that its makes every people beside me happy..! that's the important things i really wanna do..
..its 1st december and everyone in Xmas moods..same with me...for the first time i felt unpatient waiting christmas after been hating it for so long...i dunno why....but i didnt feel the happiness through christmas last few years...all gone when everything change..all i know is that its start the day My late Dad left us 11 years ago and mum convert to Muslim...its seems that all my Christmas dreams being chased out from my life...i try to enjoy it but still there's something blocking all my feels...
..Sometimes, i blaming God for making my life like this..! Sorry God...didnt mean it...its just because all that sorrow brings me down..but still i wanna thank you Lord..becoz of that pain i learn to cherished every single moments that i spent with everyone in my life...
i learn to accept others imperfection..the good & the bad...even im not that good on that..
..Im bad..i judge people..i hate people..i makes them angry...i hurt them..but the different is i dont show it..! only me & God know that i was like that..sometimes i cant accept what people talk abt me but i try to persuade them to accept mine..huh..! i hate myself more than i hate others..
how i wish to be someone else..
..i do alot of mistakes..the unforgiven mistake..huh..! if only we can renew ourself everytime we do mistake was'nt that cool...so that we didnt brings this things every second in our life..
..Love to say that i missed my old life..when i still naive..nerd..! huh..! as many years passed i suddenly missing the old Terence..haizz..! why la this memories come out..! whatever..!
..Many times i say that i already forgot everything about my past..but, honestly to says that im not that good on forgeting..still i can says that i cant forgive everyone that ever hurt me..maybe i act like nothing happen but deep inside me my heart still bleeding...
..i still feel unfair for everything happen in my past...seems like this LIFE is teasing me..huh!
..2010 will end in fews week..and i can says that my LIFE changing a little bit...the early years PAIN change to a HAPPY at the end of years..i never expected its change too fast but what i can says is that, this is what i really want now...the content in LIFE always a special delivery to everyone of us especially ME..and i still want to thankful JESUS CHRIST for still walking beside me no matter what..even i always left Him behind..i feel so ashamed for doing that..Forgive me Lord for all my sins...i betray you for so long but you still help me in my LIFE..
..Apa2 pun still i want to says that 2010 means alot to me compare to the others years..in the age of 25 years realize that LIFE wasnt like what we really want it to be...everything that happen in the end of 2009 was the best LIFE's teacher i ever have..so many mistake i do..so many tears fall down and most of all is im wasting so many times for that pain..silly rite??..i feel so tiny..
( huh..! this memories still brings tears in my eyes) FORGET it Rain..!!
..But the most favourite part happen this years is meeting HIM..the one who open back this feels..the one who brings this big smile on My face...Thanks Hubby!! U make my whole day brighter than before...u coloured my days with your jokes...i assign your songs as my LIFE's ringtone..You're my 2010 Happy ending.. you makes me wanna enjoy my christmas day like i have no more chance for 2011' Christmas.. ILOVEU so much..i know it's not enough but thats what sincerelly come out from my heart..
..Hurmm...everyone have their LIFE stories..it must be different so do i..as i enjoy this coming Christmas and New year i hope thats my life become mo merrier with everyone important in my life...and i do really hope that i wont loosing each one of you in my life...
** I Love You MUM
** I Love You ADIK + EDDIE
** I Love You GERIMUK
** I Love You KELLY
** I Love You so much RONALD ( hubby)
** I Love You My Lovely cuzen,
** I Love You My Aunt & Uncle..
** And to both of you ODU SARABUN & AKI PETIRIS - I Love You Most !!
** Won't forget you My Dearest Friend....
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Please make of our relationship a great and holy adventure.
May our joining be a sacred space.
May the two of us find rest here, a haven for our souls.
Remove from us any temptation to judge one another or to direct one another.
We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
We know You are our Answer and our rock.
Help us to not forget.
Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections, but guide us in the ways of holiness.
Save us from darkness.
May this relationship be a burst of light.
May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us, for our family, for our community, for our world.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing, a vehicle of Your grace and power.
As lessons come and challenges grow, let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
Let us always remember that in each other we have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man, the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we are repaired.
May we remain young in this relationship.
May we grow wise in this relationship.
Bring us what You desire for us, and show us how You would have us be.
Thank you, dear God, You who are the cement between us.
Thank You for this love.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
...Sometimes loves makes me sick..really sick ! sampai ada masa mo give up!! Gila..! but i'll never do that..coz i know im more better than before...i want to try my very best to makes this dreams happen for real..being his only girl in the world...upssss!! thats too much actually...hahahha..! emm.. i just want to be his last one...
... i still in process...downloading everything that connect me to love..i just want to makes all thing in perfect line..i want to makes him happy no matter what happen...but the only one thing i wanna do is learning how to tell Him i love him by words or acting rather than just write and keeps...im blank suddenly whenever its come to it...i lost my voice..i try to says what i write but at the end its just a minute silence happen between us...is this happen becoz im too silent before..keep whatever i feels alone??...
...i wish i was somebody else...the talkactive one...!!! i have a lot of story to tell but i dunno how to begin...! but when its come to writing i can be on this blog for a many-many hours..!! am i addicted to this words ' WRITING'..hurmmm...! i was thinking why some people enjoy telling their story...can talk for an hour without stoping...but me?? haizz..! dont have to tell la.. can i change ka??..Rainnnn....! speak it loud!!!..yeahhhh!!..
...hehehe..! sometimes being Silent not that good...makan hati jak tiap ari!!..dunno how to show the anger or whatever yg buat kita ndak puas ati..sometimes i want to says this words..F**K..S**T..GTH..S**L..ect by voice but i cant!!...but in writing biar la sopuluhratus (copied from someone) kali ka tataps juga tu d taip...hahahhaha!! ...tapi bila d fikir2 kan teda faedah juga bah tu..u cant do anything juga pun if says that words..and i hope i didnt says it..HOPEFULLY!!!...hahahha...i still got manners..not that crazy p maki2 orang..its not me..!
...Cuma yg paling penting sekali sekarang ini is i just need to change skit saja..maybe trying to tell someone how i feel..sharing them stories..biar la tu bahasa tunggang langgang...antam saja la dia bilang si P. Ramlee....i must do..! coz i now realize that keeping all the feels only makes me more hurt..!!
...So, Chayo2 Rain..!!! ( just ka c semangat diri sendiri ni) huhuhu..! apa2 pun i LOVE my Boyfriend!!!...Hubby, Love You so much..!!! ( ambik kesempatan )
..Ok2 Enough for today..The HEART pun mo rest jap..see you on the next post..mana tau EMO tetiba datang...wakakakkak! - ADIOS-
**P/S: i dunno why i choose that picture...LOLS!.. whatever la..
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
...Last night was terrible..i hate what ever feels i got that nite..Sorry hubby didnt meant to hurt you.. love + miss + scared = Emo...i cared everything about you..thats why i need to know everything you do...every second...i want you to feel more comportable wit me..i want to love you with all my heart..
...But, im really sorry if everything i do just make you thinking a lot..making you feel guilty..really2 sorry about that..sometimes i dunno how to show it to you...i dunno how to make you happy..i always make you hurt..i know it even you didnt tell it..
...Today, i still on that mode..i try not to think about it but still its haunted me and it scared me a lot...you are my only exception hubby...i want to make this things happen for real..I know God will help me...
...Shett..!! why this feel wont gooo!!!..hate it!!!..wanna cry..!! i miss him..!! please help me to get through this feels..i cant stand anymore...this is killing me..!!!
...i need you Hubby..!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Hi, how are you??...hee..i just feel want to write you a love letter...its 4.50 pm and you fill up my mind...thats why i wrote this..just to throw little bit so the next moment you can fill it up again...ermmm...i miss you damn much!..you have to accept it..cant ignore ok..! hee...
I still remember your question.." what makes you love me" ..question that you always ask me..but i cant answer it...hee..i know you feel upset even you didnt show it...sorry..! i dunno the answer coz for me theres no actual answer for that..it's all about the feels..but one thing i know is im happy everytime i think of you..i smile for no reason whenever i read all your message..the way you express your feels..the way you teasing me...the way you make me jealous..the way you make me laugh...that's all makes me fall in love wit you more deeper every day..
Should i say this is our destiny?..I scared sometimes but you always have something to cheers me up and love it so much!..Maybe sometimes i makes you upset..sorry..! i didnt mean it..its just becoz im afraid loosing you..im not that good but i do hope you to accept me for who i am..i'll do that too for you..i'll do everything just to keep this relationship..! and im happy we do it together..Love it so much!!
~ GOD DESTINY..HEART FEELIN'..LIFE JOURNEY~..i keep this words..! and i always hope its was like that..!surely i believe it..coz until now i still cant believe that you're mine...the one i admire and now you're someone i can put my hope and love to..Huh..! i become more JIWANG whenever i think of you...Si Teddy Bear yang berjaya membuka balik hati ini..! sometimes i feels funny whenever i think how this feels begin...the hards time..!hahaha...theres one time i ask myself why must you? but, the answer is im HAPPY everytime i heard your name..seeing you smile, laugh and making
jokes...at last i know that i got a weird feels towards you..the feels that i keep ignore before this..and luckily you're the one who forcing me to accept it again..! my joys overloaded when i know its was you..!
Missing you damn much..! i just feels wanna cry everytime i cant handle it..! this is killing me..! Gila eehh..!sakit pula terlampau rindu kan??..hee...all i can do is just seeing the picture of you...haa..kasihan bah..! but still it cant statisfied me..coz i wanna see you for real..miss your hug..! wanna touch you..! pinch and poke you berabis..! Si hubby yg jajal i miss you so much..!
Astaga, i wrote so many words already but why still you fill up my mind...! you really the one who been locked there..! sorry..cant let you go..! hee..but i love it..! i dont believe forever but i hope you the last one who can make me belive its all..! arghh..! im getting crazy la ni macam...i dunno what power you got but damn im your craziest addicter..! even sometimes i feel guilty but becoz of my trust and love i ignore all the bad feel that haunted me..
Maybe this love letter didnt enough to tells you how i feels..but i do hope its still can makes you...! Anyway, this is sounds JIWANG..hahaha..! whatever, you have to read it to...please keeps this under ur pillow..so that im always on you mind..
Last but not least, just wanna says Thanks for making me feels loved and happy..Thanks for putting this smile on my face...Thanks for making me laugh with your crazy stories and funny words...my life would empty without all that...
But, the most things i wanna say is ' THANKS SO MUCH FOR LOVING ME'..!
..will wrote to you again..till then..