~ 2010 SUMMARY ~

its 2.30am...my eyes dont want to close..still fresh!! ni la ni penyebab red eyes kali kan...hee..

this would be my last post on this years...i post it early coz i know i would been busy on 31st Dec..hee..

2010 - mY toughest year..teach me a lot of things..i think i know how life is in this years..i got so many feeling..pain , Down , Lost , & happy with love...

My early years was really tough & hard..i feel the pain and its hurt me most...Break-Up really makes me down..im lost...dunno what to do..i become the hater...i become EMO.. i get drunk just to make all that pain go...and for the 1st time also i can drink beer that much..its feels like i just drinks a juice..crazy rite...Honestly, the break-up really effect my life..i started to hate myself...i feel like wanna be someone else...

im hopeless for almost 7 month..all i thinks is my past...i always say im moving on but still i pretend about it..and for the 1st time i feel the pain of break-up...and its haunted me for almost a years start end of 2009...

Huh! thats life..not all our dreams will come true...and i believe that theres always a reasons for all that..maybe God wanna let someone else come to our life which is better than ourselves.. Now he have someone else so do i..kekadang bila fikir balik semua kejadian yang berlaku terasa bersyukur juga lar walaupun kesakitan tu masih terasa...bersyukur kerna ia mengajar saya untuk memaafkan...menerima seseorang itu seadanya..kebaikan & keburukan...belajar menerima pandangan orang terhadap diri sendiri...that's the advantage i got from the Break-up..

Honestly i cant never forget everything..and i would not forgeting it..i'll keep all the memories & pain in the other side of my book stories...dan dengan rasminya saya menutup Buku itu..and i will keep it at some place that no one can reach..biarla semua yang terjadi menjadi rasiah antara saya, dia & Tuhan...All i can do is just pray for His happiness with his loves one..

This years also i got so many frens..i know a lot of different people...Thanks to all members of The Frontier Clubs ( sudah di bubarkan) & De' Nameless.. You all makes me who i am..knowing you all is a precious gift i ever got..for the 1st time also i got Friends that much..hang out with you all was my happy moment...you all teach me to be more confident, cheerfull and little bit talkactive even i know i still the silent one...hee... i really cant change that one...and in that one Group also i meet my Love one..hee...itu nanti la cerita...skijap lagi..hahaha..!

To Sharbby & Hatinreh...you know what 2010 is our 1st year aniversary..i wanna thanks both of them for still walking with me in my life...the one who i shared a lot of my secrets...the one who i shared all my pain...the one i shared all my happy moments...really thankfull to God coz He let me meet this two beautiful ladies and become my BFF..i love them like i love my family...they are my Sisters..! and it will be till the end of my life...thats my promise..!

Mei 2010 juga saya kena langkah bendul..hee..know wht its mean???..its mean my youngers sister get engaged early than me so mean i got FREE gold ring...and thats means people wont stop asking for me to find someone..its mean BOYFRIEND!!...hahahah...honestly, that time i never ever think about it..never cross my mind pun..so everytime they ask i just say " sabar bah, palan2..ndak lama juga ni..." hahaha..! ingat senang ka cari boyfriend...the break-up still haunted me that time...Mum also cant stop asking me to meet her friend's son..wakakkaka! im not that kind...i rather find it by myself than being arrange by others..i know what want..hee

Sept 2010 is my 2nd years with Zuma Engineering Sdn. Bhd..honestly i says i feel boring..i feel wanna Quit and find another jobs next year..the staff was awesome but i just dont like the jobs..i need something yang adventure skit...not just sit, pick up the phone and surfing internet..wasting time only...i'll move next year..when?? dunno yet but for sure i'll do that..need new environment for new year..hee

And the most important things that happen this years is meeting MR. RONALD...the one that catch my heart again..the one that open back my feels...the one that cheers back my mood but the good things that he do is He make me FALL IN LOVE again...at 20th September 2010 he says He Love me...and He officially become my Boyfriend..! what a life..! and i become happy again..i forgot my past...and i totally forgive my Ex..! and today we've been together for 3 month, 1 week & 2 days...still early but im serious with this relationship now..its different from the others..ans im really sure about this...even its not good hoping too much still i want to do it..coz i know im deeply in love with him...Hopefully it will be longer this time...coz i wanna be more serious than before..

New Year?? suddenly its catch my mind...new resolution?? i already have it..and i really wanna makes it happen this time...i just feel unpatient to meet 2011 even i feel little bit scared..hee...normal ma kan? hahahha..! i wish a big gift next year..more money!! hahhaa..! more healthy...i dont want to have that Red eyes again..panat eehh!! spoiling my mood only...and of kos more LOVE..especially to my Family and to you Si Hubby!!!..REMEMBER that you should love me as much as i am and plus your love to me..hee..cam na tu arr??? bingung!! hahhaa..! - One thing you should know is I LOVE U MORE everyday!!! i hope you too feel the same..God bless us till Death!! Amen!! - Im hoping for THE PLAN..

Apa2 pun.. Dengan rasminya pada jam 4.00am ini.. saya RAIN menutup segala cerita sedih , lucu & Gembira saya pada 2010...sila nantikan kemunculan saya pada Tahun Depan iaitu 2011..

" WISH YOU ALL HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011" - may that year bring you all More bless, more healthy, More Love & happiness to your LOVE ONES ( Family + BFF )

p/s : 31st i'll celebrate the countdown with Him & His family..1st meeting them..hee...nervous juga lar..just wait and see...will update tou you all later..!

..LIFE again..

i cry again!! hate it actually but at the same time i like it..:)

Sometimes i dont understand what life is...but for me life is when im with all of THEM!!..the one i love so much..but why some people didnt do as i am?? am i wrong??

Christmas this years was great..but i still dissapoint about something...till now i feel it was the silly things that someone ever do...why put your ego so high??? tidak boleh ka mengalah sekejap?? sampai bila benda tu akan selesai...nama saja lelaki..shett!! You makes my loved ones cry and i'll hate you as long as i want...i dont care anymore...!!

Still my christmas days didnt as perfect as i wish!!..why always problems comes when im happy?..thats why i scared laughing a lot coz i know after that tears will come..

Huh! im missing him again!! Si Hubby..!! just cry..huhu! i cant stand missing him every second..even i just finished talking to him at phone..macam tia puas..! seems something have'nt fulfill...God, help me...its hurt!! i cry when i missed him..i cry when im angry..i cry when im happy together with him...he is the most important now..help me to make him mine..i just cannot imagine my life without thingking of him...

I love U so much Si Hubby!!

.. Thinking Of You ..

im thinking of him.. most of the time..!! maybe its too much for you but i just cant stop thinking of him today..dunno why? im missing Him a lot thats the point... Argghhh!

Rasa bersalah sangat..haizz..! i dunno how is his feels last nite but i wanna say SORRY sangat2.. i know im wrong last nite...dunno y but suddenly no moods...thats why la i act nak tak nak ja time dia call...i feel so bad...! haizz..!

Miss Him !!! ( Shet..im drowning again...!!) - hard to breath!! God, please make me strong this time.. im scared!! really scared...haizzz..! why so moody today..?? ( I MISS HIM can u get it??!! )sakit sangat ni hati..i just dunno how to face it...

will meet him soon..but i feel that times pass so slow.. i just cant wait..huh! tia siok ni feels..kalau boleh i want to see him everyday! sakit jiwa tahan rindu.. for the first time i missed someone that much.. and for the first time also i feel scared facing New Year walaupun dalam masa yang sama ndak sabar.. dunno y..but im scared for walking there.. banyak benda yang ganggu kepala hotak sia time nie... But, at the same time hoping that nothing bad happen to me..especially US.. thats the things dat i scared so much.. Pa2 pun..i just wanna leave all this to God.. biar pa pun yg terjadi i hope that i can accept it...

i'll be missing him more on this christmas..! dah la x dapat celebrate sama2.. haizz!!

** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, HUBBY **

..Christmas Is Coming..

.. 2 more days and CHRISTMAS is coming..i was so excited!!! will taking leave from 24th to 31hb..hee... a long Holidays!! i dont care as long as i have a time for my family and myself too..

So sad coz i cant celebrate it with my Hubby... But, Its ok.. Next year still have for us..hee.. cant wait..

.. Tahun ini bagi peluang diri masing2 celebrate sendirian.. Freedom for doing anything as long as we know the limit.. Dalam masa 2 hari ni i hope that i can make myself calm... dunno what is that..but something keep bothering me..hati ndak senang... Huh..! Relax Rain...!! dont make its become your bigger worries that disturbing your Christmas Mood.. i let myself become the old one just for this time... Hopefully everything in control.. i just need to refresh back the smell of CHRISTMAS that i used to feel before...i miss it so much..!! and i dont want anything disturbing me eventhough it is about someone i love... kalau boleh i dont want to think about it for that day..its time for us to celebrate the day with our own way.. He is with his Way and im with mine.. its didnt mean anything actually its just becoz i already promise to myself that i wont disturbing Him that day.. coz i know when i think about it too much it will ruined my days.. Sorry to says that..!

.. i wanna let this anger go from myself..its hurt to keep it...i wanna says it but i know nothing gonna change it too.. i know He will do that too even i says i dont like.. so the good conclusion is just stay that way and change one by one... and as for me of course i get mad but i keep telling myself that nobody is perfect and i have to accept it.. coz i know next time everything gonna be as what i wish...as i says before..i wont forcing Him.. as long as He know that i dont like thats was enough for me...i wont change people... let He changed by himself.. itu lagi POWER..!

.. Huh..! Enough about him..! hee.. 25hb we'll celebrate the Family Days VS Christmas Days.. im so exicted..! i miss family gathering..eating too much..singing..laughing..playing a games and of course its time to Chit Chat with thems... WhoooOOoo!! im on a good moods now..hee.. Cant waitttt!!!...

.. Will not update for a fews days..hee.. will come back at the end of the year..posting my last post on 2010.. Summary for the whole year.. so wait for me ya..

So i wish you all :-

** MERRY CHRISTMAS 2010 & HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011**

- S!O!R!R!Y -

it's 1.o9am in the morning and its mean we've been together for 3 months 1 days..:)

Huh..! time flies so fast oo..i also never expected it..

now im listening Christian Bautista's Songs again.. and he is the one on my mind now..

Sometimes i've thingking.. Bagaimana Dia bisa bertahan melayan perangai sa selama ini??.. hee..

i think that sometimes im too much..! but still he stay with me..

i admit that im demanding..!

i am bad..i know it..i dunno how to treat him...i dunno how to show him that i cared...

but to tell you Hubby..

"..no matter what i say or do its all becoz i cared too much on you..

sometimes i feel angry whenever you say ' Saya meginum' .. honestly, im not stoping you from that but i just cant stop my feelings.. i dunno how to act cool for something i dont like.. So sorry for that... i know i makes you feel down whenever we talked about this.. and im really sorry...its my fault..! i still remember our last conversation about this.. i know i make u sad..

Thats why i told my self not to force you again.. i want you to change becoz of yourself not becoz i want it..

i keep telling myself.. ' Rain, please back to the basic..' bukan kerana merajuk..but its becoz i dont want it burdening you, Hubby.. I love You and i want you to feel comfortable with me.. i'll let all this behind me as long as you're happy with me.. I only need it...nothing else..

"..we've been connected all this time by an invisible string attached, From your heart to mine we circled the obvious like satelites that roam around the earth.. No, im never gonna let you go.."

i dont care how is you..your behaviour.. you smoke or you get drunk.. i accept it..! i just have to be patient..coz i know someday you'll change..by yourself.. thats what i want.. i luv u damn much and i dont want this two things disturbing our day everyday.. i know you need your freedom too..thats why i've thingking this for quite long time... i just hope you know your limit and keeps my words.. ' jan asarok'.. i just need it..\(".")/

Sorry..! really sorry if i've hurt your feels through my action or words.. ! - I Love You and i Hope you to be the last one for me.."

Huh..! i just hope next year will bring more love, happiness and happy moment to us..thats why i cant wait for New Year...cant wait to see what God has ready for me..Cant wait to know what gift i'll received.. cant wait to face new challenge..cant wait to meet new people.. but i hope nothing can make my tears to come..even i know that no one know what would happen but i think im not ready for PAIN & TEARS in 2011.. I hope so...

Pa2 pun.. its time to take a nap..its been to late already...nanti lambat bangun lagi besok.. huh! mata pun mula meragam..! See you next Post! - LUV YA -

..Its YOU..

ermm...just come back from Tuaran..celebrating the birthday party..! its was fun..really fun..! i laugh all the time even sometimes the red eyes spoiling my mood..hee..but still i can says that this is one of my favourite year end's party for 2010...enjoying it with my beloved family...

Suddenly missing him much!!..cam ndak puas jak ceta ma dia tadi..hee...tapi pa ble buat dia pening...Miss hearing his snoring...dunno why..but i feel more closer to him whenever i hear it eventhough just hear it through phone..

im listening Christian Bautista's songs now...honestly its remind me to him...whenever i miss him i'll hear all the songs..

OMG..!! this feeling can't stop my tears..wish him to wake up and call me again..i miss his voice..! damn!!..padahal baru jak off phone tadi..haizzz!! this is crazy..!

"...It’s your smile,Your face, your lips that I miss,Those sweet little eyes that stare at meAnd make me say,I’m with you through all the way..Cause it’s you Who fills the emptiness in me..It changes ev’rything, you see, When I know I’ve got you with me.."

One of my favourite songs by Christian Bautista.." YOU" Just for Him!!..

"..You give me hope,The strength, the will to keep on;No one else can make me feel this way, And only you Can bring out all the best I can do; I believe you turn the tide And make me feel real good inside.."

Hubby...i'll be by your side as long as you want me...i'll try to be your favourite 'BLOG'..Following every

' POST' you says...i love it!!..

...Early Morning Toughts...

Gud Morning..!!! it's 4.30am in the morning...OMG!! cannot sleep...!

duduk depan PC dengan secawan cofee mix..hee..

try mo tutup mata tapi tidak berjaya..kenapaka??

Tgk picture balik2 tanpa rasa bosan..Oh, saya rindu Si Hubby..!

Kenangan muncul kembali..hee..semuanya dari A to Z..

haisshhh!! tetiba pula hati bergetar..RINDU !!

mau jumpa ooo..huhuhu..! Bilakah???

tia sabar..!!

i miss my FRIEND aka BOYFRIEND = Si Hubby !!

i remember everything he do that day..FUNNY!! i smile a lot !! ngeeee!

i know i never being like this before..But when im with him i change..

HAPPY..

SMILE..

LAUGH..

JOKING..

JEALOUS..

ANGRY..

TALKACTIVE..

he change me to be someone else..and i love it..

Wish to Dating with him again like that day..hee..

filrting...hahhaha..!

staring at his face...

laughing with him..

kiss him...

Hug him...

sitting beside him..eating together..

most of all is i miss the time he sings a song..my favourite things about him..

the way he teasing me..

OMG!! i miss everything about him.

p/s : saya rindu kamu Encik Ronald!!

-- Kalau Ada yg belanja kan bagus..! -

* SODAPPPPPP!!! im craving for this...yummyyy!! sepakah yang sudi mau belanja?? *
si Hubby???? hee.. lama rasanya tidak merasa kek coklat..air liur meleleh2 nampak ni picture..
harap2 lah sabtu ni they choose coklat cake for the birthday party.. Hopefully..!

My Favourite Ice creammm..!! Si Hubby help me..hahhaha..!!
Gumuk pun gumuk lar..i tak kesah dah..! ( padahal dalam hati ' saya mau kurus' )
tapi ni ice cream memang tak kan d lepaskan...Si hubby????

This One tooo...Cadburyyyyy!! Won't stop choosing you..! si Hubby??? hee...
jan c lama...hahahha! i know he like it too...nanti mo pujuk dia lai ni.."(<_>)"
( Si Hubby..if u tebaca this post jan pula pura2 tak tau yee...)

..HUH..

..hUh..!!! No Mood since yesterday...this eyes is killing me...tensennnnn!

..kan bagus jadi butA ( iskk..pa yg d repekkan nie )

..penat melayan..huh!

..since dari budak2 till now..masih juga..pigi klinik ubat yg sama juga d bagi

..klinik swasta pun ble jadi untung gara2 mata ini..last2 aku pla yang bankrup..!

..Pakai cermin mata?? camna la wajah tu aahh? ermmm...x ble imagined!

..misti buruk..dah la wajah tak secantik mana..huhuhu..

..bertekad mau ke pakar mata lah ni...paksa diri..jangan takut ( membagi semangat diri sendiri)

..Apa2 pun besok mungkin saya cuti akan MC sendiri dengan mengunakan alasan ' MATA MERAH'

..Huh..whatever..! ( dalam masa yg sama berdoa agar mata sembuh sebelum sabtu)

..Sabtu ni ada family gathering temau mata menspoilkan every pose pada ari tu...
( HOPEFULLY)


p/s : Saya Rindu Kamu Encik Ronald.. '(>_<)'.. bilakah lagi akan ketemu??.. Huh! kamu buat hati ini tidak keruan...
- L.O.V.E -

..Sweet Memories..

.. i miss him already..! God help me..dunno how to handle this feels now..something missing in my life...i just miss everything about him...! feel wanna cry..! this monday blues always disturbing me..kenapa la masa berlalu terlalu cepat...the time wasnt enough for me..i miss cuddling under his arm..! and mostly the time we spent together..! dunno when will i have a chance to do it again..miss his hug!!...My Gosh, what happen to me..so many feels in my heart now..but the most is I MISS HIM damn much...

.. 11/12/2010 - Miss the day so much!!!..can i have that day again??..its makes me miss him like crazy..after been a month didnt meet finally on that day i meet him..its feels like u meet your heaven..maybe my statement sounds too much but thats what i feel..i've been so patient before and when the time i've waited so long comes its like the days is yours...only yours..! - I MISS HIM - maybe my words wasnt enough to show it but im trully deeply missing you Hubby..!

..Hubby, Now im counting the days to meet you again..maybe tommorow , next week or next month but im sure will spend the time again with you.. Dun worry im gonna be more patient this
time.. Becoz when i meet you again next time i wanna make it the most favourite day in my life.. The unforgetable sweet memories with you becoz you're the most special in my life now..and im scared to death to loose you.. Please stay with me forever.. Can ka??.. coz i just dunno how my life would be if you leave me...

.. Hubby, for the first time in my life i gave all my hopes to a guy.. and its YOU.. and i hope you to fulfill the space in my heart.. No one else..! and promise me that you're the one that i can hold forever.. [ Haizz...im EMO again..tears come again..why my heart feel so hurt.. whatever!! ]

.. Hubby, you are my love..the one that i cant live without.. the one that i think about all time and i cant seem to get you off my mind.. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH - no words can express my real feels..i just hope that you can feels it no matter what i do and say to you.. i dont care if others think im not serious but i need you to care about it..!!

*** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, HUBBY***

- LOVE IS... -

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

` Bunga - Bunga Cinta `

` Times flies so fast...Today we've been together for 2 months, 2 weeks & 5 days..hee...its seems just only yesterday i told him about my feels..funny..! im happy today..! dunno why but seems that nothing burdening my feels...everything in under control..hee...or maybe its becoz im going to meet him in soon..cant wait..!! been a month havent meet..kasehan kan..ada jumpa pun ndak pun sampai 1 jam..haizz..! i only have to wait for 2 days more and the days belong to us...wakakakka! i love it!!..meeting my chubby hubby..!! LOLS!! My CUTE BEAR2..
Today..before posting this i been thinking everything happen from the first..the day my eyes catch him..his dreadlock hair that attract me that time..the smile that most influenced me to admire him..hee..no words ever come out from our mouth..its just a smile that connect us..everything happen out of control..chat on FB & replying comment on fb makes me want to know more about him..and suddenly this weired feels come..!! hahha.. I admiring HIM!!..try not to thinks more about it but that feels become more stronger everyday..and at last on 16 sept 2010 i told him that i ADMIRE him..huh!!..hee...i dunno where i get the strength but what i know i told him..of coz i feel scared n malu..tapi suma tu tidak terasa the time i told him..aftr done the first sound that come from me is ' FUHH..LEGA..' !! hee.. what happen aftr that??..will tell you all next time..how we at last be together..! hee..`


` - BEING WITH YOU - im deeply in love with this guy..hahhaha..! crazy rite..last time i never want to think my future with any guy that i dated..but, suddenly the feels appear when he comes to my life..dunno what attract me most to him..but as i says before he is the one who makes me feel so many feeling...Angry , sad , jealous, blues and the most is HAPPY..! he let me fall in love with him over and over again..! - THE PLAN - is one of the most priority now..hopefully its happen as what we want..GOD, help us..! i need it..i know its still have a long days to be waited and makes me unpatient..! so many things flies around my head now..kakkaka..! - HOW , WHEN, WHERE & WHAT - this words keeps pop in and makes my heart beat Dup Dap Dup Dap..its dance!! hahaha..! OMG, i just cant wait it happen..!`

` -TAKE CARE- my favourite words...i'll choose this rather than I LOVE YOU..! hee..its becoz for me TAKE CARE says it all..all the romantic words was included..but - TAKE YOUR TIME - makes me feel annoying..hahahah..! dunno why bt i hate this words when im talking to him..sometimes i used this just to show him that im not in mood..but not everyday i use it for that...when im in mood i used it too..lols! but overall the percentage of DISLIKE is more high than LIKE..! Tapi..apa2 pun i like all his words!! im craving for that..Luv U Hubby ..
` Be ready hubby...hahhaha..! becoz im totally cant take you off from my heart now..! and dont blame me if someday you'll drowning in my love..wakakkakak! upsss..its sounds like what huh??..lols..! whatever..!

p/s : Hubby, The best thing about me is you. ..! Love You So Much!!..** LOVE..LOVE..is in the air**

~ CupCakes & Us ~

~ The time we spend together with tasty and cute cupcakes ~
** Been Friend with them for almost 2 years...i never expected to be in their life..im happy..!! for the first time in my life i shared a lot of my secret to others.. i trust them and thats why i can get along with them for that long **

` Us at Sharbby Birthday ( 6th September 2010 ) at Japanese Food Restaurant, Centre Point (Forgot that name) `
** HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sharbby Tracy Lo..!! Wish You Luck and Happy Always!! Love You..**

` Tasty Cupcakes..! Order from my cousin..Kiut kan..hee `

` CHEEESEEE!!..!! ` - I miss hang on with them..

`Sharbby's CupCakes On Her 25th Birthday!!..`

` Happy Birthday Hernitah @ Nita..The 26th birthday !! Wish You A wonderful life ahead..God Bless You always..Good Luck In whatever you do..Love You !! `

` Nita's Cupcakes ! - The No.1 Fan Of Hello Kitty..! thats why i order this cute cupcakes especially for her..You can see her giddy smile when she see it..`

` Its Us Again..after been 2 months didnt meet..! see the different??..hee `..now on the 7th of December 2010 we celebrate the birthday at KFC, Centre Point, Kota kinabalu.

Cupcakesss!! is Everywhere..!

`Another Pose From us..being pose again and again just becoz we didnt like the others..wakakak!`

` HELLO KITTY Cupcakes!!!!...Love it..! thanks Cuzen for this..!!

( P/s : wanna have this one??..just inform me or go to my facebook..)

...Why So SENSITIVE?????...

...Sillyy!!...why la im so sensitive today..!! haizzz...cari hal saja..teda problems mau juga kasih ada..!! bidaa ooo...! this is haunted me since last nite..! if only i can ask him kan bagus...arggghhhh!!..hate this !! Go AWAY feels...
One thing i regret now is why la im so silly p ask dia that question..budu..so childish la me..!! sorry hubby if i make u feel uncomfortable..i didnt meant it..i just lost in handling all this emotion now..really sorry..!!

- A Love -

..i dunno what exactly it's mean..but i know it something precious that people wont stop grabbing it..i still learning...i do alot of mistake in order to know it..i hurt others just because i cant feel it..but why when im nearer to succeed im the one who being hurt..Haizz..!! sometimes i just wanna feel giving up...!!! isskkk...what happen ni Rain???...I always fail to handle my emotion..!...mostly people says LOVE is pain...!! its true..the more we love someone the more we feel the pain..i always fail to handle my jealousy..! why should i have this!!! im tired...really tired..sorry hubby...i just cant handle this jealousy...i surrendered with this feels...i love you so much thats why i act like this..! sometimes i just cant accept your jokes..even you says it was just fun but for me its something that hurting me most...last night talk disturbing me...i try to act like nothing happen and keep telling myself thats it was just a jokes but still i feel the pain..sorry..really sorry..i just cant handle my feelings now.....i want you to be my valentine..no one else..
...i know in relationship theres a bitter and sweet..but if i can change it to be just sweet i think im the only one person who is smiling every second..i just need honesty and remove lies on there...if can i want this is the last pain i want in my life...im improving myself..i have to..becoz i hate myself now..im going to change it..!!!
..i do this becoz in the end of my life i want you the only one who i shared my life..my happiness..my sadness..my emptiness..my jealousy...only you...i love you so much..!

..The 1st December Thought..

..its wednesday..urmm...just reach office and i directly login to facebook..
the 1st things i do every morning..emm..sejak d transfer ke kaunter i have a lot of time on facebook..such a bored day..

..sometime i thinking to find another jobs just to fill this boredom!..i need something which makes me active...! i hate being in this situation..argggghhhh!! hate..!!

..today mostly my time i fulfill by browsing others blog..ermmm...! so many stories i read...there's a lot of expression i got today...sad, happy, funny, hatred & angry...

...LIFE - my favourite words ever...i can write about this for a few pages..hahahha..! a words that means a lot...a single words that makes everyone change.. sometimes i wish thats my life is better that anybody...jahatkan..! hee...i wish that i get everything i need..i wish that anyone that hurts my heart got punishment...i wish that im more beautiful, clever & humble...in a simple words is IM GOOD IN ANY WAYS...

..But, i God, has create me like this...and im more thankful that im not like what i wish..im thankful that im more to the other side of what i wish..which is making me more sensitive with what ever happen arround me.. Hurmmm..! what a LIFE..! always brings me to this blues feeling..

..Since i was younger..Life always the most reason why im here today..the sweet & sour life thats makes me grows as a stronger person..even sometimes i have to pretend stronger still im thankful that its makes every people beside me happy..! that's the important things i really wanna do..

..its 1st december and everyone in Xmas moods..same with me...for the first time i felt unpatient waiting christmas after been hating it for so long...i dunno why....but i didnt feel the happiness through christmas last few years...all gone when everything change..all i know is that its start the day My late Dad left us 11 years ago and mum convert to Muslim...its seems that all my Christmas dreams being chased out from my life...i try to enjoy it but still there's something blocking all my feels...

..Sometimes, i blaming God for making my life like this..! Sorry God...didnt mean it...its just because all that sorrow brings me down..but still i wanna thank you Lord..becoz of that pain i learn to cherished every single moments that i spent with everyone in my life...
i learn to accept others imperfection..the good & the bad...even im not that good on that..

..Im bad..i judge people..i hate people..i makes them angry...i hurt them..but the different is i dont show it..! only me & God know that i was like that..sometimes i cant accept what people talk abt me but i try to persuade them to accept mine..huh..! i hate myself more than i hate others..
how i wish to be someone else..

..i do alot of mistakes..the unforgiven mistake..huh..! if only we can renew ourself everytime we do mistake was'nt that cool...so that we didnt brings this things every second in our life..

..Love to say that i missed my old life..when i still naive..nerd..! huh..! as many years passed i suddenly missing the old Terence..haizz..! why la this memories come out..! whatever..!

..Many times i say that i already forgot everything about my past..but, honestly to says that im not that good on forgeting..still i can says that i cant forgive everyone that ever hurt me..maybe i act like nothing happen but deep inside me my heart still bleeding...

..i still feel unfair for everything happen in my past...seems like this LIFE is teasing me..huh!

..2010 will end in fews week..and i can says that my LIFE changing a little bit...the early years PAIN change to a HAPPY at the end of years..i never expected its change too fast but what i can says is that, this is what i really want now...the content in LIFE always a special delivery to everyone of us especially ME..and i still want to thankful JESUS CHRIST for still walking beside me no matter what..even i always left Him behind..i feel so ashamed for doing that..Forgive me Lord for all my sins...i betray you for so long but you still help me in my LIFE..

..Apa2 pun still i want to says that 2010 means alot to me compare to the others years..in the age of 25 years realize that LIFE wasnt like what we really want it to be...everything that happen in the end of 2009 was the best LIFE's teacher i ever have..so many mistake i do..so many tears fall down and most of all is im wasting so many times for that pain..silly rite??..i feel so tiny..
( huh..! this memories still brings tears in my eyes) FORGET it Rain..!!

..But the most favourite part happen this years is meeting HIM..the one who open back this feels..the one who brings this big smile on My face...Thanks Hubby!! U make my whole day brighter than before...u coloured my days with your jokes...i assign your songs as my LIFE's ringtone..You're my 2010 Happy ending.. you makes me wanna enjoy my christmas day like i have no more chance for 2011' Christmas.. ILOVEU so much..i know it's not enough but thats what sincerelly come out from my heart..

..Hurmm...everyone have their LIFE stories..it must be different so do i..as i enjoy this coming Christmas and New year i hope thats my life become mo merrier with everyone important in my life...and i do really hope that i wont loosing each one of you in my life...

** I Love You JESUS CHRIST..
** I Love You MUM

** I Love You KAKAK + JIMMY + JAYDEN
** I Love You ADIK + EDDIE
** I Love You GERIMUK
** I Love You KELLY
** I Love You so much RONALD ( hubby)
** I Love You My Lovely cuzen,
** I Love You My Aunt & Uncle..
** And to both of you ODU SARABUN & AKI PETIRIS - I Love You Most !!
** Won't forget you My Dearest Friend....

..All of you is my Bunch of love and happines!!!

..Sunday Thoughts..

..Wake up early today even i sleep late last nite....and im alone at home this day..ermm..BORED!!..wish to meet Him..lambat nya masa berjalan..have to wait 2 weeks more..

everyday we have a long talk at phone..hee..Thanks to Digi Easy!!..hahhaha..! we can talk for almost 6 hours...crazy rite..!! we shared nothing actually..just telling everything happen that day..ermm..but i never get bored..! i enjoy talking with him..even theres no stories..layan loyar buruk dia..kakkakak!

..One things i love the most is when he sings on the phone..seems like i wanna go there and hug him...my tears always come out whenever he do that..so touchable!!..the most favourite part!!..i sleep thight whenever he do that..wish he was here doing that to me..for real..!

..i love hearing him snoring..!! i feel like he is sleeping beside me..wasnt that cute..! hee..i hope to hear that sound for the rest of my life..! walaupun sakit telinga mo dingar..hahaha.. ( OMG, im emo again ka ni? ) hehehhe...! whatever..!

.. ' THE PLAN ' always stop by in my mind..almost everyday..! hopefully everything in control..God, i do really hope this time happen for real blessed us..im really sure he is the one..hope so..!

...Hubby you're everything..!

..Me & Him..

..Our First picture after declaring the status..my favourite picture ever..

...i made a lot of funny picture like this just for us..hahaha..! wasnt that cute??..

Dear God,

Please make of our relationship a great and holy adventure.
May our joining be a sacred space.
May the two of us find rest here, a haven for our souls.

Remove from us any temptation to judge one another or to direct one another.
We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
We know You are our Answer and our rock.
Help us to not forget.

Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections, but guide us in the ways of holiness.
Save us from darkness.

May this relationship be a burst of light.
May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us, for our family, for our community, for our world.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing, a vehicle of Your grace and power.
As lessons come and challenges grow, let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
Let us always remember that in each other we have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man, the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we are repaired.

May we remain young in this relationship.
May we grow wise in this relationship.
Bring us what You desire for us, and show us how You would have us be.

Thank you, dear God, You who are the cement between us.
Thank You for this love.

Amen.

[ Hubby.. there are 12 Months in a year..4 weeks in a month..7 days in a week..24 Hrs in a day..But there's only one you in a life time...]

...The Heart Says..

...emm..come back here again becoz i still have something in my mind..bothering me all days..and of coz its all becoz of LOVE..honestly, is still dunno how is the real feel of IN LOVE..i guess i always failed to be the good GF to someone..haizzz!! silly rite?..hahahha! whatever...

...Sometimes loves makes me sick..really sick ! sampai ada masa mo give up!! Gila..! but i'll never do that..coz i know im more better than before...i want to try my very best to makes this dreams happen for real..being his only girl in the world...upssss!! thats too much actually...hahahha..! emm.. i just want to be his last one...

... i still in process...downloading everything that connect me to love..i just want to makes all thing in perfect line..i want to makes him happy no matter what happen...but the only one thing i wanna do is learning how to tell Him i love him by words or acting rather than just write and keeps...im blank suddenly whenever its come to it...i lost my voice..i try to says what i write but at the end its just a minute silence happen between us...is this happen becoz im too silent before..keep whatever i feels alone??...

...i wish i was somebody else...the talkactive one...!!! i have a lot of story to tell but i dunno how to begin...! but when its come to writing i can be on this blog for a many-many hours..!! am i addicted to this words ' WRITING'..hurmmm...! i was thinking why some people enjoy telling their story...can talk for an hour without stoping...but me?? haizz..! dont have to tell la.. can i change ka??..Rainnnn....! speak it loud!!!..yeahhhh!!..

...hehehe..! sometimes being Silent not that good...makan hati jak tiap ari!!..dunno how to show the anger or whatever yg buat kita ndak puas ati..sometimes i want to says this words..F**K..S**T..GTH..S**L..ect by voice but i cant!!...but in writing biar la sopuluhratus (copied from someone) kali ka tataps juga tu d taip...hahahhaha!! ...tapi bila d fikir2 kan teda faedah juga bah tu..u cant do anything juga pun if says that words..and i hope i didnt says it..HOPEFULLY!!!...hahahha...i still got manners..not that crazy p maki2 orang..its not me..!

...Cuma yg paling penting sekali sekarang ini is i just need to change skit saja..maybe trying to tell someone how i feel..sharing them stories..biar la tu bahasa tunggang langgang...antam saja la dia bilang si P. Ramlee....i must do..! coz i now realize that keeping all the feels only makes me more hurt..!!

...So, Chayo2 Rain..!!! ( just ka c semangat diri sendiri ni) huhuhu..! apa2 pun i LOVE my Boyfriend!!!...Hubby, Love You so much..!!! ( ambik kesempatan )

..Ok2 Enough for today..The HEART pun mo rest jap..see you on the next post..mana tau EMO tetiba datang...wakakakkak! - ADIOS-


**P/S: i dunno why i choose that picture...LOLS!.. whatever la..

...I Need You...

...i feel hurts...sakit sangat!!..feel like wanna cry...dunno y..but i scared a lot right now..! Mummy, need you now..huhuhu...i cant stand anymore...i miss Him damn much!!..i cant do anything without him in my mind...God, help me..im begging you...i need him right now..!! if not im getting crazy ni..

...Last night was terrible..i hate what ever feels i got that nite..Sorry hubby didnt meant to hurt you.. love + miss + scared = Emo...i cared everything about you..thats why i need to know everything you do...every second...i want you to feel more comportable wit me..i want to love you with all my heart..

...But, im really sorry if everything i do just make you thinking a lot..making you feel guilty..really2 sorry about that..sometimes i dunno how to show it to you...i dunno how to make you happy..i always make you hurt..i know it even you didnt tell it..

...Today, i still on that mode..i try not to think about it but still its haunted me and it scared me a lot...you are my only exception hubby...i want to make this things happen for real..I know God will help me...

...Shett..!! why this feel wont gooo!!!..hate it!!!..wanna cry..!! i miss him..!! please help me to get through this feels..i cant stand anymore...this is killing me..!!!

...i need you Hubby..!

..You & Me..

..its 9.41pm...and all i think is Him...Hurmm..! just cant stop think even a second..

for the first time in my life i think about my future...thinking about engagement, marriage and children..is that mean im old already so that God let me think about all that??..Honestly, its never ever cross my mind before..and i never think about it seriously...but, this fews days its seem distrubing my day..i feel weired whenever i think of it..argggghhhh! am i really ready to face all that?

..im not scared but i just dont feel to have it...But, this guy broke my whole wall!..i dunno how he do that but as i says before i trust him even not 100%.. i believe that he is the one...i already ask my heart million times and 90% answer is goes to him.. This simple guys really makes me more crazy than before...

...i know its not good to hope 100% on something you really didnt sure..but i really hope that there's something precious happen next year...

..Gonna Love you Hubby..no matter what happen i'll try my very best to keep this relationship..i just want you to be the last man standing beside me...holding my hands..kissing me on my forehead..making a lot of jokes..hugging me and mostly to be the only bestfriend that i can share everything...no lies..no secrets...! Hopefully..!

..God, i wish you to make him my last man in the world..! AMEN!!

..A Love Letter..

Dearest Hubby,

Hi, how are you??...hee..i just feel want to write you a love letter...its 4.50 pm and you fill up my mind...thats why i wrote this..just to throw little bit so the next moment you can fill it up again...ermmm...i miss you damn much!..you have to accept it..cant ignore ok..! hee...

Hubby,

I still remember your question.." what makes you love me" ..question that you always ask me..but i cant answer it...hee..i know you feel upset even you didnt show it...sorry..! i dunno the answer coz for me theres no actual answer for that..it's all about the feels..but one thing i know is im happy everytime i think of you..i smile for no reason whenever i read all your message..the way you express your feels..the way you teasing me...the way you make me jealous..the way you make me laugh...that's all makes me fall in love wit you more deeper every day..

Hubby,

Should i say this is our destiny?..I scared sometimes but you always have something to cheers me up and love it so much!..Maybe sometimes i makes you upset..sorry..! i didnt mean it..its just becoz im afraid loosing you..im not that good but i do hope you to accept me for who i am..i'll do that too for you..i'll do everything just to keep this relationship..! and im happy we do it together..Love it so much!!

Hubby,

~ GOD DESTINY..HEART FEELIN'..LIFE JOURNEY~..i keep this words..! and i always hope its was like that..!surely i believe it..coz until now i still cant believe that you're mine...the one i admire and now you're someone i can put my hope and love to..Huh..! i become more JIWANG whenever i think of you...Si Teddy Bear yang berjaya membuka balik hati ini..! sometimes i feels funny whenever i think how this feels begin...the hards time..!hahaha...theres one time i ask myself why must you? but, the answer is im HAPPY everytime i heard your name..seeing you smile, laugh and making

jokes...at last i know that i got a weird feels towards you..the feels that i keep ignore before this..and luckily you're the one who forcing me to accept it again..! my joys overloaded when i know its was you..!

Hubby,

Missing you damn much..! i just feels wanna cry everytime i cant handle it..! this is killing me..! Gila eehh..!sakit pula terlampau rindu kan??..hee...all i can do is just seeing the picture of you...haa..kasihan bah..! but still it cant statisfied me..coz i wanna see you for real..miss your hug..! wanna touch you..! pinch and poke you berabis..! Si hubby yg jajal i miss you so much..!

Hubby,

Astaga, i wrote so many words already but why still you fill up my mind...! you really the one who been locked there..! sorry..cant let you go..! hee..but i love it..! i dont believe forever but i hope you the last one who can make me belive its all..! arghh..! im getting crazy la ni macam...i dunno what power you got but damn im your craziest addicter..! even sometimes i feel guilty but becoz of my trust and love i ignore all the bad feel that haunted me..

Hubby,

Maybe this love letter didnt enough to tells you how i feels..but i do hope its still can makes you...! Anyway, this is sounds JIWANG..hahaha..! whatever, you have to read it to...please keeps this under ur pillow..so that im always on you mind..

Hubby,

Last but not least, just wanna says Thanks for making me feels loved and happy..Thanks for putting this smile on my face...Thanks for making me laugh with your crazy stories and funny words...my life would empty without all that...

But, the most things i wanna say is ' THANKS SO MUCH FOR LOVING ME'..!

..will wrote to you again..till then..

Regards,

Honey..