..Sunday Thoughts..

..Wake up early today even i sleep late last nite....and im alone at home this day..ermm..BORED!!..wish to meet Him..lambat nya masa berjalan..have to wait 2 weeks more..

everyday we have a long talk at phone..hee..Thanks to Digi Easy!!..hahhaha..! we can talk for almost 6 hours...crazy rite..!! we shared nothing actually..just telling everything happen that day..ermm..but i never get bored..! i enjoy talking with him..even theres no stories..layan loyar buruk dia..kakkakak!

..One things i love the most is when he sings on the phone..seems like i wanna go there and hug him...my tears always come out whenever he do that..so touchable!!..the most favourite part!!..i sleep thight whenever he do that..wish he was here doing that to me..for real..!

..i love hearing him snoring..!! i feel like he is sleeping beside me..wasnt that cute..! hee..i hope to hear that sound for the rest of my life..! walaupun sakit telinga mo dingar..hahaha.. ( OMG, im emo again ka ni? ) hehehhe...! whatever..!

.. ' THE PLAN ' always stop by in my mind..almost everyday..! hopefully everything in control..God, i do really hope this time happen for real blessed us..im really sure he is the one..hope so..!

...Hubby you're everything..!

..Me & Him..

..Our First picture after declaring the status..my favourite picture ever..

...i made a lot of funny picture like this just for us..hahaha..! wasnt that cute??..

Dear God,

Please make of our relationship a great and holy adventure.
May our joining be a sacred space.
May the two of us find rest here, a haven for our souls.

Remove from us any temptation to judge one another or to direct one another.
We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
We know You are our Answer and our rock.
Help us to not forget.

Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections, but guide us in the ways of holiness.
Save us from darkness.

May this relationship be a burst of light.
May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us, for our family, for our community, for our world.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing, a vehicle of Your grace and power.
As lessons come and challenges grow, let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
Let us always remember that in each other we have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man, the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we are repaired.

May we remain young in this relationship.
May we grow wise in this relationship.
Bring us what You desire for us, and show us how You would have us be.

Thank you, dear God, You who are the cement between us.
Thank You for this love.

Amen.

[ Hubby.. there are 12 Months in a year..4 weeks in a month..7 days in a week..24 Hrs in a day..But there's only one you in a life time...]

...The Heart Says..

...emm..come back here again becoz i still have something in my mind..bothering me all days..and of coz its all becoz of LOVE..honestly, is still dunno how is the real feel of IN LOVE..i guess i always failed to be the good GF to someone..haizzz!! silly rite?..hahahha! whatever...

...Sometimes loves makes me sick..really sick ! sampai ada masa mo give up!! Gila..! but i'll never do that..coz i know im more better than before...i want to try my very best to makes this dreams happen for real..being his only girl in the world...upssss!! thats too much actually...hahahha..! emm.. i just want to be his last one...

... i still in process...downloading everything that connect me to love..i just want to makes all thing in perfect line..i want to makes him happy no matter what happen...but the only one thing i wanna do is learning how to tell Him i love him by words or acting rather than just write and keeps...im blank suddenly whenever its come to it...i lost my voice..i try to says what i write but at the end its just a minute silence happen between us...is this happen becoz im too silent before..keep whatever i feels alone??...

...i wish i was somebody else...the talkactive one...!!! i have a lot of story to tell but i dunno how to begin...! but when its come to writing i can be on this blog for a many-many hours..!! am i addicted to this words ' WRITING'..hurmmm...! i was thinking why some people enjoy telling their story...can talk for an hour without stoping...but me?? haizz..! dont have to tell la.. can i change ka??..Rainnnn....! speak it loud!!!..yeahhhh!!..

...hehehe..! sometimes being Silent not that good...makan hati jak tiap ari!!..dunno how to show the anger or whatever yg buat kita ndak puas ati..sometimes i want to says this words..F**K..S**T..GTH..S**L..ect by voice but i cant!!...but in writing biar la sopuluhratus (copied from someone) kali ka tataps juga tu d taip...hahahhaha!! ...tapi bila d fikir2 kan teda faedah juga bah tu..u cant do anything juga pun if says that words..and i hope i didnt says it..HOPEFULLY!!!...hahahha...i still got manners..not that crazy p maki2 orang..its not me..!

...Cuma yg paling penting sekali sekarang ini is i just need to change skit saja..maybe trying to tell someone how i feel..sharing them stories..biar la tu bahasa tunggang langgang...antam saja la dia bilang si P. Ramlee....i must do..! coz i now realize that keeping all the feels only makes me more hurt..!!

...So, Chayo2 Rain..!!! ( just ka c semangat diri sendiri ni) huhuhu..! apa2 pun i LOVE my Boyfriend!!!...Hubby, Love You so much..!!! ( ambik kesempatan )

..Ok2 Enough for today..The HEART pun mo rest jap..see you on the next post..mana tau EMO tetiba datang...wakakakkak! - ADIOS-


**P/S: i dunno why i choose that picture...LOLS!.. whatever la..

...I Need You...

...i feel hurts...sakit sangat!!..feel like wanna cry...dunno y..but i scared a lot right now..! Mummy, need you now..huhuhu...i cant stand anymore...i miss Him damn much!!..i cant do anything without him in my mind...God, help me..im begging you...i need him right now..!! if not im getting crazy ni..

...Last night was terrible..i hate what ever feels i got that nite..Sorry hubby didnt meant to hurt you.. love + miss + scared = Emo...i cared everything about you..thats why i need to know everything you do...every second...i want you to feel more comportable wit me..i want to love you with all my heart..

...But, im really sorry if everything i do just make you thinking a lot..making you feel guilty..really2 sorry about that..sometimes i dunno how to show it to you...i dunno how to make you happy..i always make you hurt..i know it even you didnt tell it..

...Today, i still on that mode..i try not to think about it but still its haunted me and it scared me a lot...you are my only exception hubby...i want to make this things happen for real..I know God will help me...

...Shett..!! why this feel wont gooo!!!..hate it!!!..wanna cry..!! i miss him..!! please help me to get through this feels..i cant stand anymore...this is killing me..!!!

...i need you Hubby..!

..You & Me..

..its 9.41pm...and all i think is Him...Hurmm..! just cant stop think even a second..

for the first time in my life i think about my future...thinking about engagement, marriage and children..is that mean im old already so that God let me think about all that??..Honestly, its never ever cross my mind before..and i never think about it seriously...but, this fews days its seem distrubing my day..i feel weired whenever i think of it..argggghhhh! am i really ready to face all that?

..im not scared but i just dont feel to have it...But, this guy broke my whole wall!..i dunno how he do that but as i says before i trust him even not 100%.. i believe that he is the one...i already ask my heart million times and 90% answer is goes to him.. This simple guys really makes me more crazy than before...

...i know its not good to hope 100% on something you really didnt sure..but i really hope that there's something precious happen next year...

..Gonna Love you Hubby..no matter what happen i'll try my very best to keep this relationship..i just want you to be the last man standing beside me...holding my hands..kissing me on my forehead..making a lot of jokes..hugging me and mostly to be the only bestfriend that i can share everything...no lies..no secrets...! Hopefully..!

..God, i wish you to make him my last man in the world..! AMEN!!

..A Love Letter..

Dearest Hubby,

Hi, how are you??...hee..i just feel want to write you a love letter...its 4.50 pm and you fill up my mind...thats why i wrote this..just to throw little bit so the next moment you can fill it up again...ermmm...i miss you damn much!..you have to accept it..cant ignore ok..! hee...

Hubby,

I still remember your question.." what makes you love me" ..question that you always ask me..but i cant answer it...hee..i know you feel upset even you didnt show it...sorry..! i dunno the answer coz for me theres no actual answer for that..it's all about the feels..but one thing i know is im happy everytime i think of you..i smile for no reason whenever i read all your message..the way you express your feels..the way you teasing me...the way you make me jealous..the way you make me laugh...that's all makes me fall in love wit you more deeper every day..

Hubby,

Should i say this is our destiny?..I scared sometimes but you always have something to cheers me up and love it so much!..Maybe sometimes i makes you upset..sorry..! i didnt mean it..its just becoz im afraid loosing you..im not that good but i do hope you to accept me for who i am..i'll do that too for you..i'll do everything just to keep this relationship..! and im happy we do it together..Love it so much!!

Hubby,

~ GOD DESTINY..HEART FEELIN'..LIFE JOURNEY~..i keep this words..! and i always hope its was like that..!surely i believe it..coz until now i still cant believe that you're mine...the one i admire and now you're someone i can put my hope and love to..Huh..! i become more JIWANG whenever i think of you...Si Teddy Bear yang berjaya membuka balik hati ini..! sometimes i feels funny whenever i think how this feels begin...the hards time..!hahaha...theres one time i ask myself why must you? but, the answer is im HAPPY everytime i heard your name..seeing you smile, laugh and making

jokes...at last i know that i got a weird feels towards you..the feels that i keep ignore before this..and luckily you're the one who forcing me to accept it again..! my joys overloaded when i know its was you..!

Hubby,

Missing you damn much..! i just feels wanna cry everytime i cant handle it..! this is killing me..! Gila eehh..!sakit pula terlampau rindu kan??..hee...all i can do is just seeing the picture of you...haa..kasihan bah..! but still it cant statisfied me..coz i wanna see you for real..miss your hug..! wanna touch you..! pinch and poke you berabis..! Si hubby yg jajal i miss you so much..!

Hubby,

Astaga, i wrote so many words already but why still you fill up my mind...! you really the one who been locked there..! sorry..cant let you go..! hee..but i love it..! i dont believe forever but i hope you the last one who can make me belive its all..! arghh..! im getting crazy la ni macam...i dunno what power you got but damn im your craziest addicter..! even sometimes i feel guilty but becoz of my trust and love i ignore all the bad feel that haunted me..

Hubby,

Maybe this love letter didnt enough to tells you how i feels..but i do hope its still can makes you...! Anyway, this is sounds JIWANG..hahaha..! whatever, you have to read it to...please keeps this under ur pillow..so that im always on you mind..

Hubby,

Last but not least, just wanna says Thanks for making me feels loved and happy..Thanks for putting this smile on my face...Thanks for making me laugh with your crazy stories and funny words...my life would empty without all that...

But, the most things i wanna say is ' THANKS SO MUCH FOR LOVING ME'..!

..will wrote to you again..till then..

Regards,

Honey..

..November Rain ( Tears)..

[ 1st Posting on my FB Notes on 1 Nov 2010..]
..i shared it again here..

..its 3pm in the afternoon...its seems that today my tears dont stop coming out..dunno why but everything happen today touching my heart...the songs, the dreams, the jokes and even the talk...im EMO today...every thoughts that came out from my minds makes me relize and remember that life was'nt that easy...i miss everything in my life...i scared for what ever happen next...

..the dreams still haunted me...i didnt dreams lately...but today i got nightmares..the dreams that really scares me..the dreams that making me cry today...really i scared this things happen to me..becoz, i know my feels to him become more strong and deep day by day..no one could ever stop me anymore..i dont wanna lose him..

..the conversation...it suddenly reminds something...the things that i left behind for so long..its true i seldom do that but still i remember to appreciate it...but trully the conversation makes me reflecting all my past.. and still this tears wont forget to stop..Oh, God am i that bad..

..the songs..RENEW ME O'LORD...this songs touching me most..listen to it and you'll know why im feeling EMO today...

..But The most touching is waiting to 'meet' my late dad..its been too long didnt 'meet' and tommorow will do that..suddenly all the memories about him come out..i dont even wanna stop that..and yess that what makes me cry a lot today..its been 11yrs and deep inside my heart i still cant accept it.. haizz!!..this tears come again..

..Omg, why la today i feel so EMO... emm...everyday i hope that im more happy, blessed, and lucky...but the most important things i hope is that everyone get their happiness especially to my Beloved persons FAMILY + HUBBY..i love u all..no one can replace u all in my heart..To you all my friends..thanks for being here beside me..!!