When BREATH stop!!

"Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns."

Bryant H. McGill

DEATH??? Everyone know this word. Its scaring right?? Honestly, im not scared of it as we know no one could escape this. Bt, what i scared is Leaving everyone i love.

First time i know about death is when our Grandmother died when im only 6yrs old.. Followed by my Uncle when im 11yrs.. And the most saddest Death happen to me is when My Dad passed away 3yrs after my Uncle. The most shocking things happen in my life. Its changed my life 100%. I lost my STRENGTH. Lost my FAITH. Times flies and i lost someone again.. My Great Grandmother & My GrandFather in both side. Memories remain as one of the things they Left to us. I know that, but theres always a time tears fall down again after many2 years. No one will ever Forget!!.. I know U all too..

Im 27yrs now.. to many people leaving me for 'another' world. When is my TURN?? nobody know. God do His job nicely. Maybe today is my last day, Maybe tommorow.. No one know.. Thats the only secret God never tell us. I cry..Regret...I only rent this world. Someday i may leaving Everyone here.. Will they missing me when in 'Gone'..?? Scared they will forget me.. :'(

Huh!! I dunno why suddenly talking about this. Last tuesday, A friend passed away. He is too young to die..only 24yrs old and have to leave his beautiful wife and a cute little baby girl. Sometime i feel its Unfair coz everyday you read his dream for his Family. He only know he got heart attack last week.. and passed away this tuesday. What a waste..

Sometime, God takes us without notice. So, please do check our own body. Medical Check up is important ~ Im saying this to myself as i was scared of this words

" HOSPITAL".

God, May This Easter bring peace to all the soul that you have called to meet you, Bring them to the place you've promise, Amen.

Last, HAPPY EASTER DAY to those who celebrate! May our life much more better than before. (Notice to myself)..

p/s: I have no mood to WORK there!!.. its stressing me.. Everyday i have to keep all the things that hurting me and i dunno who should i told.. Been too long didnt open BLOG and today i feel much better than before.

** Say NO to ciggarette, Beers, Cholestrol & Stress coz its effect to many dieses **

..I Care For YOU..

rasa sakit ati belum ilang lagi...dari semalam cuba nak cool down tapi i gagal..

huh! sakit kan bila kita tak dapat nak lepaskan semua kemarahan yg ada dalam diri..

menangis pun tidak dapat menenangkan hati i..

semalam rasa nak lempar jak handphone kat dinding..biar hancur berderai..!

i bukan nak jadi queen control..kalau boleh i tak nak ambik tahu pun apa yg awak buat..

but i cant! coz i care everything about you..

what you do...where are you..everything!

becoz i do love you more than i ever think..

kalau boleh i tak nak miss satu hal pun yang berkaitan dengan awak..

So, please do care my feelings too... i tak mau lebih..i just nak you bagitahu i aktiviti you..

im so sorry..maybe kali ni i tegas sikit..bukan nak tunjuk ego..tapi i nak you tahu yang tahap kesabaran i ada batasnya.. i penat tau layan feeling i sendiri..pujuk diri sendiri..

i dont want to change you..biar you yang change diri you sendiri.. tapi boleh kah cuba untuk jaga hati i.. i bukan manja.. i bukan nak minta perhatian tapi nak u tahu yang i ni ambil berat tentang semua hal yang berlaku antara kita.. i tak mau benda remeh temeh macam hal semalam buat kita jauh...

i know its not easy to let all that go... dun wori i always be here to help you..all i need is your responsibilities... we change 1 by 1...

kalau boleh i tak nak benda lain ganggu relationship kita.. im scared ok.. everytime its haunted me.. i try my very best not to push you hard but so sorry the feelings always make me fell down..

sampaikan im more sensitive with all you do..apa lagi kalau itu adalah sesuatu yang i tak suka.. Sorry... im really a bad GF..!

i just want simple yet memorable a.k.a romantica relationship...(^_^)v

kalau boleh i tak mau hubungan yang penuh dengan stress.. Boleh ka??..

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Sorry if i always like this...

Sorry if i just wrote rather than saying this to you..

coz i know only tears will tell you all.. my bad! ~

p/s: i just need an understanding!..nothing else..i know nobody is perfect so do i..but i just need someone to care a little bit about my feels.. Love you Hubby!..

..JEALOUS itu penting ka?..

orang kata ' kita perlu buang rasa cemburu itu..'..

tapi macam mana kita tahu dia sayang kita kalau dia tak tunjuk yang dia tu cemburu??

As for me..i get jealous with him almost everyday...im a bad GF..haa..what to do..huh!

i try to act as usuall..but still i cant...so scared!..

i do believe him but i just cant believe myself..

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i always wanna be someone who can say ' I DONT WANT TO CARE'..

but the problem is i care everything..

susahnya nak hilang kan rasa geram dan marah dalam masa yang singkat..

mesti feeling ni berlarutan sampai esok dan lusa..

kadang rasa bersalah juga bila dia layan i dengan baik tapi i buat deh jak..

ni semua gara2 geram kat dia lar..

kalau lar dia pujuk and ajak i tengok wayang kan bagus..hee..

terubat juga lar rasa marah tu..:)

huh! Rain2...asyik2 layan masalah ni..

cam mana ek nak ilang kan suma tu...

rasa jealous , marah , geram...suma lar..

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i just dunno what to do..

i always blaming myself for acting like this..

JEALOUS! please get out!..

I love him so much! thats why i get jealouse..

even i know he is only joking still the feels attack me..:(

i wanna be the SLUMBER gf..

the BFF aka GF..an acting like it is something precious moment that we shared together..

accepting everything happen around us..

But , So sorry Dear..i just cant be 100% like that..

sorry coz you have to face my mysterious mood sometimes..

i will try to slow down but dont ask me not to get JEALOUS or ANGRY for everything you do..

i just want you to know that not all things i can accept..

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

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I hope you're the last person i get jealous..

p/s: i just cant wait WEEKEND to come..coz that is the only day i can hang out with you..teasing you..dating with you and of coz its time to ' MANJA - MANJA' with you..(^-^)

..Hati berbicara lagi..

..teruskan berjalan...

..teruskan tersenyum..

..teruskan ketawa..

..teruskan menangis...

" DON'T STOP"..

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..kan bagus jika aku dapat buat semua itu dengan jayanya..

"TERUSKAN" walaupun aku tahu aku sudah tidak mampu..

ntah la..tapi hidup ini selalu sangat menguji kekuatan hati dan jiwa aku..

dia mencari setiap kelemahan ku dan berusaha menumpaskan ku..

kekadang terasa ingin menyerah kalah..tapi tiap kali itu juga aku teringat satu ayat..

".. Semua hal yang berlaku itu ada hikmahnya.."

walau payah untuk hati kecil ini terima..

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ermm..tetau pa nak cerita sebenarnya..berusaha nak buang " blues feeling" aku ari ni..

hari berlalu dan aku makin terasa boring yang teramat sangat kat sini..

kalau boleh nak sangat hantar surat berhenti sekarang juga..

aku dah tak happy keja sini da Encik Traffic light!!..

Boring da nak menghadap benda yang sama cam besa..

kekadang aku rasa yang aku seperti makan gaji buta jak..HUH!!.

lambatnya masa berlalu..tak tunggu ujung bulan..

walau macam mana sekali pun i'll do it this time..

tak nak tangguh2 lagi.. Hopefully, after that my life would be more better..

even i know that my life would be more tough than before..

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Hello CINTA!! ~ start missing Him already..

we been together almost 7 month by next week..and im thanking God for that..

even sometimes i feel lost but still i wanna hold the promises that we've made together..

THE PLAN that we create..i do really hope its happen! cant wait for the day to come..

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Semalam yang berlalu benar2 mengajar aku tentang CINTA..

walaupun mungkin orang bilang pengalaman itu cuma sebesar kuman..

tapi bagi aku ia sangat besar..sebesar dunia ini..

walau macam mana sekali aku cuba untuk lupakan masa lalu namun aku masih gagal..

banyak hal yang berlaku yang buat aku tidak akan lupa memori itu..

sakit hati, marah, benci , putus asa..

semuanya ku alami...

Kenangan itu benar2 buat aku jadi seperti orang lain...

Huh! Biarlar..walau susah sekali pun aku akan cuba buang semua kenangan itu..

Sudah masa nya untuk aku lepaskan semua itu..

~SELAMAT TINGGAL KENANGAN~

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Wahai CINTA! cuma kamu yang ada di sini...

di HATI ini..mungkin 7 bulan itu masih terlalu awal..

tapi aku yakin kamu la DIA yang HATI ini nantikan...

walau kekadang kita bertelingkah namun kita tetap utuh..

..Maaf jika setiap saat aku membebankan..

..Maaf jika setiap saat aku menjengkelkan..

..Maaf jika setiap saat aku merimaskan..

..Maaf jika setiap saat kata - kata ku buat kau terasa..

bukan niat di hati cuma terus terang HATI terlalu takut kehilangan..

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Janji ya..yang kamu akan tetap jadi DIA selamanya...

Dia yang bersama-sama dengan HATI ini melayari suka duka hidup..

Dia yang akan menangis dan ketawa bersama...

Dia yang akan membuat HATI ini terhibur dengan gelak tawa mu..

aku nantikan gurau senda mu setiap kali berjumpa...

Hidup akan hilang serinya tanpa itu semua...

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I only wanna says " YES, I DO" to only YOU..

no one else can take my heart anymore..

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MR. RONALD!..

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P/S: Wahai masa..cepat lar berlalu..Aku penat menunggu ' HARI ' itu tiba..

-Thought for the EARLY MORNING that i tought still NIGHT-

[Princess Rain : Wahai Hujan, tak sakit ke badan kalau asyik turun tak henti - henti??]

it's 1.30am in the morning...i cant sleep!! uarrgghhh! what happen this..

im not sleepy..im not yawning..my eyes open wide!!!

ni mesti gara2 penangan IPOH KOPI PUTIH...

ari ni dah masuk ari ke 2 ai minum minuman ni..

and guess what??yesterday i sleep at 3am...

i should stop drinking that..i guess..

tak ble tahan..akibatnya pegi keja dengan wajah ngantuk..

dah lah bangun lambat tiap hari..

kalau ari2 minum gerenti jadi MRS. PANDA la ai..:))

Si Hubby dah tido sejam yang lepas..sempat lagi ai dengar dia berdengkur kat telefon..

Owh! so Cute!!...suddenly missing Him..:((

tak sabar nak dating nanti malam..nak pegang2 boroi dia..(^_^) Boleh??

~.. Senyum nakal..~

alah tak yah nak fikir len2 lar...hee'

hak masing2 nak buat apa pun kan..:))

Weekend is our time...iwill go and stay at his house..with his family..

maybe some of you think that its not good..

but im an open minded person.. hak masing2..keputusan di tangan sendiri right?

but i wont say you wrong...:))

your right to says what on ur mind..upsss! cam slogan FACEBOOK la pula kan..hee

ermm..akhirnya A PIECE HEART OF ME ada page !! Sila singgah sekejap ya..jangan lupa tekan BUTANG SUKA..(^-^)..

da lama da try nak buat tapi ai masih tak pandai2..Tapi berkat usaha gigih akhirnya pada 7hb April 2011 termetrai la sudah KEKASIH GELAP ku...ai sangat2 berterima kasih pada suma kengkawan yang telah menSUDIkan jari mereka mengklik BUTANG SUKA dengan tikus masing2...hee..HAPPY!

Ermm..tepat jm 2am..! Nak tido lar..paksa mata ai yang kiut ni tuk tutup..uargghhh!! ( menguap cara taip) hee..

I tido dulu k...

Tunggu kedatangan post ai ya.. MUNGKIN NANTI besok ai rajin nak menaip..apa2 pun selamat tidur !!ZZZZzzzzZZZzz..

p/s : Si hubby...sori tadi ai tak sempat nak KISS, says I LOVE YOU & NITE...sebab ai tak sampai ati nak setopkan bunyi 'CUTE' itu walaupun pada realitynya telinga sakit..:)) But, the sound make me miss you damn much!!! tadi ai sempat lagi dengar SUARA MACHO kegemaran Hubby...I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! believe me...

..Saya tertidur terlentang di sudut ' KEHIDUPAN '..

KEHIDUPAN selalu sangat mengetuk pintu hati..menganggu emosi yang sedang cuba untuk berusaha mengapai keindahan senyuman..sering kali saya lemah dan jatuh menangis di sudut2 KEHIDUPAN ini..

payahnya..~

Jika tahu ia sesusah ini ingin saja sa kembali ke rahim ibu dan tinggal di sana selamanya.. Bolehkah??

Bodoh!! ~ terasa diri sangat BODOH bila PUTUS ASA!.. Cuba untuk senyum tapi sedih lebih dulu singgah di wajah ini..

Bisakah saya dapat apa yang saya inginkan??..

Bisakah impian sa yang sa cipta sendiri saya kecapi dengan kegembiraan??..

Bisakah CINTA yang sa cipta ini berkekalan??..

Banyak sangat persoalan yang berlegar2 di kepala..

terasa nak tangkap saja tanda2 soal dan buang jauh2..biar KEHIDUPAN ini lebih tenang tanpa semuanya..Boleh ka begitu??

Saya tidak minta lebih untuk kehidupan ini..yang saya mahu cuma ' MEREKA ' dan ' DIA'..

sebab saya tahu yang saya akan ' MATI' tanpa orang - orang ini...

Orang2 yang bersama2 berkongsi ceritera KEHIDUPAN...

MEREKA + SAYA + DIA = NAFAS KEHIDUPAN

..tanpa NAFAS ini saya mungkin ORANG MATI yang HIDUP berjalan seperti biasa..

Saya seperti orang lain..ingin kan KEHIDUPAN yang menjadi rebutan warga dunia..

tapi mungkin bukan nasib saya untuk dapat semuanya..

dan akibatnya saya tertidur terlentang di sudut KEHIDUPAN bersama - sama dengan sedikit ' 'HADIAH' yang saya kira cukup untuk saya gunakan sehingga tarikh akhir

KEHIDUPAN saya..Apa yang penting USAHA untuk menambah ' HADIAH ' itu harus ada..

Penat , tekanan & putus asa itu kan penambah rasa walaupun kekadang ia meracuni TUBUH & JIWA kita..

Cemburu dengan sesetengah orang yang bisa mencari ' HADIAH ' yang tersembunyi dengan senang...teringin nak curi formula2 dan resipi2 Kehidupan mereka.. Tapi saya bukan mereka..

Jiwa lemah...Hati sakit...Mata menangis..

Saya tidak kuat..

Saya takut akan GAGAL sebelum UJIAN...

SEMANGAT tolong bantu saya..

Tolong saya hadapi KEHIDUPAN ini...saya penat tidur tanpa SELIMUT..

saya mahu PERISAI untuk menjadi kuat dan tabah!..

Begini la Manusia seperti saya..selalu mengeluh pabila masalah terasa semakin menghampiri..

Mungkin sebab telah banyak dosa yang saya buat sehingga cabaran yang di hadapi terasa sangat berat...

" i rarely thanks HIM for every GIFT he gave to me.. i never seen HIM.. so many times i failed and i blaming HIM for that.. God, im sorry for all that...Give me strength fo face all this matter..and please help me this one last wish.. Please DONT BREAK IT.. i really need your help..this is the only DREAM i wish.."

Tuhan itu sangat adil..dan saya tahu dia telah rancang segala - galanya untuk saya.. walaupun suatu hari nanti ia bukan seperti apa yang saya telah rancang tapi saya akan tetap bersyukur kerna saya tahu itu adalah ANUGERAH KEHIDUPAN saya yang sangat tinggi di hayat ini..

~ Wahai CINTA.. jika kamu adalah DIA yang saya impikan saat ini..tolong ingatkan saya bahawa kamu adalah HADIAH terindah buat saya saat ini..Saya akan lupakan mereka yang lain dan akan tetap SETIA bersama kamu.. Cuma KAMU yang bisa buat saya bermimpi Indah dan ketawa riang..menangis gembira dan sedih sakit... dan saya inginkan kamu adalah DIA yang akan memimpin tangan saya pada saat saya menghampiri tarikh akhir hidup saya...~

p/s : Hubby..if only you know that you're the most priority in my life now.. Please be strong..i know we can do it as long as we try hard and be positive..im scared to but all we have to do now is be patient and strong... Love you So much!

.. The Past..

i wake up early today...
i reach office more early than yesterday...
i taking bath early tooo..
i wonder why im doing something more early today..
but i havent taking my dinner yet..huhuh...

ari ni sampai kat opis kira awal lar..even i late 15mins...ok lar dari yang kelmarin2..selalu sampai opis dah nak dekat jm9..hee...bukan apa..cuma malas nak bangun tidur..selalu salah kan jammed if kena tanya pasal ape lambat sampai..hee...tp memang betul pun...:)

tadi petang sampai jak dari opis i terus tukar baju, ambik towel and mandi...heran..hee...
tak penah2 buat sebelum ni...selalu jm 8 to 9pm baru dok rajin nak pi mandi..tu pun dalam keadaan rela -paksa..hahahhah! siap mandi trus terlanding depan my lappy...hee..
actually nak p masak lepas mandi tu tapi tunang adik i da volunteer so bagi dia masak lar..hee
dalam hati senang la juga..coz memang i malas nak masak pun ari ni...

first benda yg i buat depan pc adalah mengecek email2, spam2 and pa2 la tuk gmail & yahoo i..
1450msg in Gmail????.. huh! maknanya nak kena delete satu2 la...haizz..such a boring things to do...pa ble buat..terpaksa...
sambil2 baca balik msg2 taun2 lepas yg masih belum terdelete..hee...i smile..hahha! lucu..!
tetiba kenangan lalu mengintai kembali...biarla..benda lepas jangan di kenang..
kenangan yg bakal d cipta tahun ini yg perlu di ingat...yeahhh!!!

Emm..saya merindui Dia...mesti main DOTA lg tu dia..biarla..i feel hungry actually...
lambat ooo derang masak..( Pa kaitan ni...whatever!! )
I Miss Him..huhuhu..!!dapat ka i dating sma Dia ni besok??..huh! arap2 la dapat...miss Him like crazy da ni..God, harap2 miracle ada besok..hee..! Amen..

emm..k la..enough tuk ari ni...dinner i dah siap..nak gi mamam lu k...see u next day!!

MUAXXXXX!!! for you Si Hubby... - LOVE U FOREVER..!

..The Feels..

emm...tia ble tidur...huhuhu..always ending it with blog..

i wish to hold his hand everyday..hee...

tapi everytime kami kuar tia pula terpegang..

buat cam most couples...holding hands while walking...

i feel cam romantic nie..hee

tapi cam rimas pula..hahhaha! susah mo jalan..biarla...

i will do it someday..:)

just finished talking wit him on phone..tapi ndak puas..biarla..dia ngantok..

and i miss him damn much already...huhuhu..

me?? tadi ngantok tp now fresh pula..hee

lgpun lama da tia update blog..

i been with his family for 2 time..1st time on new year and the latest is last week..

i enjoy..neves still ada...itu misti...wish that everything in control..

walaupun smtimes rasa janggal & segan..tp still i like staying around them..

sporting..! and i like it...hee..

i start ody knowing half of his family..but i has'nt let him know mine yet..

dunno how to start...how im going to tell mum about this..

should i said " Ma, sa ada boyfriend suda"..sound funny...

i know mum know little bit ody.. she mybe knew it from my sisters & aunties..

but i feel wanna tell her by myself... but the problem now is i just dunno hw to begin..

hahhaha...Gila kan..im afraid to tell Her...

Ni la ni masalah dia if jarang sharing..sa mengaku yg sa x berapa rapat dengan mum..

dari kecil mmg cam ni..hee..sometimes i wish i can be someone else..

yg ble bercerita apa saja wit her mum..

and i wish i can tell her about him as soon as possible..

why?? becoz im serious with this Guy..and i wont let him go..

im addicted every part of him..every words..but the smile is the one that kiling me..

I love it..the way he walk..the way he tell me something..his noisy sound..hahha..!

im gonna miss it all!!!

Suddenly THE PLAN appear again..haizz..! scared , unpatient , happy , worried.. - all in 1..

i really hoping its happen...sooner or later he will be mine..Forever n Ever..hee..

God Bless Us..!

P/S : Im missing u already En. Ronald...lambat tul tu masa oo...

` Bunga - Bunga Cinta `

` Times flies so fast...Today we've been together for 2 months, 2 weeks & 5 days..hee...its seems just only yesterday i told him about my feels..funny..! im happy today..! dunno why but seems that nothing burdening my feels...everything in under control..hee...or maybe its becoz im going to meet him in soon..cant wait..!! been a month havent meet..kasehan kan..ada jumpa pun ndak pun sampai 1 jam..haizz..! i only have to wait for 2 days more and the days belong to us...wakakakka! i love it!!..meeting my chubby hubby..!! LOLS!! My CUTE BEAR2..
Today..before posting this i been thinking everything happen from the first..the day my eyes catch him..his dreadlock hair that attract me that time..the smile that most influenced me to admire him..hee..no words ever come out from our mouth..its just a smile that connect us..everything happen out of control..chat on FB & replying comment on fb makes me want to know more about him..and suddenly this weired feels come..!! hahha.. I admiring HIM!!..try not to thinks more about it but that feels become more stronger everyday..and at last on 16 sept 2010 i told him that i ADMIRE him..huh!!..hee...i dunno where i get the strength but what i know i told him..of coz i feel scared n malu..tapi suma tu tidak terasa the time i told him..aftr done the first sound that come from me is ' FUHH..LEGA..' !! hee.. what happen aftr that??..will tell you all next time..how we at last be together..! hee..`


` - BEING WITH YOU - im deeply in love with this guy..hahhaha..! crazy rite..last time i never want to think my future with any guy that i dated..but, suddenly the feels appear when he comes to my life..dunno what attract me most to him..but as i says before he is the one who makes me feel so many feeling...Angry , sad , jealous, blues and the most is HAPPY..! he let me fall in love with him over and over again..! - THE PLAN - is one of the most priority now..hopefully its happen as what we want..GOD, help us..! i need it..i know its still have a long days to be waited and makes me unpatient..! so many things flies around my head now..kakkaka..! - HOW , WHEN, WHERE & WHAT - this words keeps pop in and makes my heart beat Dup Dap Dup Dap..its dance!! hahaha..! OMG, i just cant wait it happen..!`

` -TAKE CARE- my favourite words...i'll choose this rather than I LOVE YOU..! hee..its becoz for me TAKE CARE says it all..all the romantic words was included..but - TAKE YOUR TIME - makes me feel annoying..hahahah..! dunno why bt i hate this words when im talking to him..sometimes i used this just to show him that im not in mood..but not everyday i use it for that...when im in mood i used it too..lols! but overall the percentage of DISLIKE is more high than LIKE..! Tapi..apa2 pun i like all his words!! im craving for that..Luv U Hubby ..
` Be ready hubby...hahhaha..! becoz im totally cant take you off from my heart now..! and dont blame me if someday you'll drowning in my love..wakakkakak! upsss..its sounds like what huh??..lols..! whatever..!

p/s : Hubby, The best thing about me is you. ..! Love You So Much!!..** LOVE..LOVE..is in the air**