~ Love & Friend ~

i want BOTH!! can??
i found my LOVE already... Sometimes i dont understand Others or mybe i should not let my life busy thinking about their life.. they makes LOVE as one of their TOY.. last time FIGHTING to have IT but now EASILY letting IT go... Why?? When we LOVE someone its mean we accepting everything coming from her / him.. The bad and Good.. the comittment that we struggle to makes actually a big sign that we really want her / him in our life.. Bt now, look... becoz of the misunderstanding we let go each other.. Wasting your time & money only.. PENGAJARAN: Kenali pasangan anda masing2 sebelum membuat apa2 keputusan penting dalam hidup and we should know that Nobody is perfect... Erm.. whatever la.. dah pilihan macam tu..cuma as a friend i really feel so sad.. Walaupun rasa keputusan tu agak2 baik namun still sa rasa sayanggg sangat.. :(
Now, i only want to take care of my own relationship.. May our love stay Forever..! AMEN!!
FRIEND??
But FRIEND i think i didnt... Why?? Dunno..
Last time i can says that i got my BFF but today all i can says is im wrong..
No friends can stay long with us.. i learn it This fews day.. Only 1 people in this world can trully be your BFF and im looking for that person... Mybe its my fault accepting anyone as a friend and love them like a family.. i know im wrong.. its Ok.. im leaving..
Someday im hoping that there's someone coming to ask me to be their friends and became the last person to be my friend in life... i dont want 'MANY' i just want 'ONE' friend that trully there when i need someone other than my Fiance & Family... A friend that not only looking for me when they're down.. when there's no one beside them.. thats not friend.. !! One more thing is they should know that i HATE liar!!!.. dont ever try to make fool around me.. i wont scold you but dont ask me why if someday i ask u to leave from my life... Thats the best choice i can do.. I know im not good.. im bad.. really bad..!!
Sorry Friend... Hopefully u enjoy & Happy with your own life..:)

~ The Plan is OVER ~

Yeah!! akhirnya " THE PLAN" yang di tunggu2 telah tiba.. Tanggal 29/10/2011 i jadi tunangan orang.. rasa lain sangat.. haa.. its not like when you're still Bf & Gf.. hepi semacam jak.. hahaha!

At least mulut orang sekeliling boleh di ' tutup '.. Hopefully our love grow strong and more understanding between us!!.. Im waiting for the others pict to be uplod by the Them.. Lambat!! haa!

Want & Need ??

Susahkan nak ambil hati orang.. Huh! im in blues again.. dunno why but till now this loneliness wont go from my life... I miss someone.. He seems too far away even we talked & sms'in everyday.. i want more but he seems dont want to give it.. i feel like im burdening him.. Should i stop now..?? The more i force the more pain i get.. im scared that i cant force myself again.. i feel like wanna rest from all this.. everytime i ask wether this LOVE still in myself.. and guess wat its EMPTY inside my heart.. i try to be what he want.. i try to be someone.. but, huh! i FAILED!! if only i can STOP and turn the time back mybe no one of us will suffer.. God, give me clue.. i dunno what i should do now.. im going crazy!!! did he know what inside myself now?? did he know how hard im now?? Did he know that he hurt me a bit?? Did he know that i miss him?? ~ I dont think so He know all that.. coz all he know is im a BORED person!! Right??
i dont like the way he treats me.. the way he says things to me... its 1 year 2 month and i can count how many " I LOVE U" and " I MISS U" he ever says to me this few month.. Am i really annoying?? Tell me please so that i can leave ... Im tired holding.. im not happy if he dont happy.. Please God, show me any kind of way.. Amen.


p/s : The Plan is coming in less 2 weeks.. Am i really ready? Am i really choose the right choice?? this question keep coming to me lately.. Whatever it is i hope that im in a right way.. I knew it.. If only i have to be regreted next i accept it.. Because this is what i want.. I just Need a bit understanding.. a bit care... a bit Love.. an the rest i leave it to god.. Huh! Tears coming down!.. dunno why feel so sad tonite... all i know is im lonely..

~ 12th Years Aniversary! ~

[05th October 1999 - 05th October 2011 ]

You're, in a better place
Sitting, next to the lord
Where you once said,
You were ready to take your place
Next, to the lords in his heavenly grace.

I think of you daily
It’s, so hard not to cry,
I know I will be okay,
Because, I feel you near by.

Rest in Peace Dad for I will see you soon.
God has blessed me with a father like you.
All that you taught me will live on in my children and I thank the Lord for having you as my father.

I love you Dad, It was an honor to have you as my father....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12th years has gone... but still you remain strongly in Our heart..

We miss U pa...

We miss all your Joke..

We miss your laughter..

Your smile..

and mostly everything you've cooked...

Everything changed since you go..

how i miss my childhood When you're still around..

Lately i cry a lot.. so many problems come and i dunno how to face it...

i wish you're here.. telling me what to do..

Thanks so much Pa..

For everything u have done to my life..

Im sorry for all the bad things i ever do..

We Love and Miss you so much!!

Yeah, I found my Missing Piece.

The Missing Pieces sat alone...

Waiting for someone to come along and take it somewhere..

Some Fit..

But could not roll..

Other Could Roll but could not Fit..

One didnt know a thing of fitting..

and another didnt know a thing about anything..

One was delicate..

One put its on pedestal..

and left it there..

Some hand too many pieces missing..

Some had too many pieces, period.

It learn to hide From the hungry one..

More come..

Some looked too closely..

Others Rolled right by without noticing..

It tried to make itself more attractive but it didn't helped..

It tried being Flashy..

But that just frightened away the shy One..

At last One Come along that just fit right..

But all of sudden The missing piece began to grow! and grow!..

" I didn't know you're going to grow"

" I didn't know either", Said The missing pieces..

" Im looking for my missing pieces, One that won't increase"

And One day, One come along who looked different..

"What do you want from me", asked The Missing pieces..

"Nothing."

"What do you need from me."

"Nothing."

"Who are you?" asked the missing pieces..

"Im the big O," said the Big O

"I think you're the one that im waiting for,"said the missing piece

"Maybe im your missing pieces"

"But im not missing a pieces," Said the Big O

"there's no place you would fit,"

"That is too bad," Said The missing Pieces

"I was hoping that perhaps i could roll with you..."

"You cannot roll with me," Said The Big O

"But perhaps you can roll by yourself,"

"By myself?? but missing piece cannot roll by itself.."

"Have you tried?" asked the Big O

"But i have sharped corners. Im not sharped for rolling," said the missing Pieces.

"Corners wear off and shapes changed.. Anyhow, i must says gud bye.. perhaps we will meet again," Said The Big O and away it rolled.

The missing piece was alone again..

For a long time it just sat there..

Then.. slowly it lifted itself up on one end..

Then lift..pull..flop..and flooped away..

it began to move foward..

and soon its edge began to wear off..

Lift.. pull.. flop.. lift.. pull.. flop..

and its shape began to change..

and then its was bumping instead of flopping..

and then its was bouncing instead of bumping..

and then its was rolling instead of bouncing..

and it didn't know where..

and it didn't care...

It's was Rolling!

[Source]

------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you Found your missing Piece??..

Some of Us maybe YES, some maybe OTW, some maybe HAVENT met..

Me??

Now i can says that i Met my missing piece.. i have been through with so many sadness before..

im hurt a lot.. My life is really gloomy.. im feeling wanna sleep forever.. Forgeting all the pain, Loneliness and sadness..

But i never know that all that what happen in my life is just a small matter..

Its all change when theres a day That i dont feel anything.. And i know thats was the day that i realize that im moving On.. I started enjoying my day.. thinking foward.. Leaving all my Old memories & Sadness..

Life always try to give us lesson to be learn.. its only up to us wether we dare to challenge it or not.. So, you guys out there.. keep looking your missing pieces its always there somewhere around the world.. Keep strong while facing our own Lesson. Patient and Struggle is the key for the seeking..

P/s: Im happy Finding my missing Piece.. sometimes we cant fit each other but most of the time we struggle very hard to make us Fit and strong together.. And for all that i only can says That He is my missing pieces.. mybe someday He is leaving but as for now he is that ONE piece and im going to glue it so that He won't grow.. Muaxxx!!

~ LONELINESS ~

im feeling alone.. Lonely!! and Him happy outside there.. i wish im with him now but seem he dont want me to be there. Huh!! Biar la.. i have to learn to be alone sometimes.. feeling how the loneliness again... Sakit hati.. thats what i feel now.. dunno why.. God, make me strong!! Give me that patience.. bring me strength to accept everything happen around me..

He asked me wether i wanna go there... of course i really wanna go but i sengaja ask him to decide for me.. and he say ' No need la, takut u boring '... i felt like wanna shout and throw that phone!! and suddenly says they got family meeting.. so mean ada 'minum2'... Hate!!!!!! i hate it!!!!! kenapa suka sangat buat benda yang i benci!!.... Ko x pernah pun mo kesah pasal feeling saya!!! i always pray to have that patience but dont blame me if i cant hold it anymore.. sa benci mo larang2 ko coz itu buat hati sa lagi sakit..!! u know that?? Arghhh!!!! Whatever!!!

Bila Perbualan terasa semakin Hambar.

Hello Nighty!!!.. Cant sleep.. and im here.. its seem like im going back to sleepless nite which is always ended in BLOG...

Long time didnt update it!.. Huh, dunno why but as i says before im bored with it..

But today i cant help but siting infront of my computer writing this post.

i feel lonely.. dunno why suddenly but i felt no one!..seems like im all ALONE.. im missing the old Him.. i want to go back to the 1st day...

The conversation become bored.. i know mostly its because of me.. but honestly i dont have any feel to talk.. theres always one word that stoping all my moods.. Whatever!!! Argghh!!! Hate sleeping with this feeling... Maybe we have to stop night conversation for a while.. im tired holding this feels.. So, sorry..:(

I hate when everytime im the one hv to be blamed for something.. i miss his nicely voice but everytime pun macam mo marah2.. Haizzz.. Part yang paling buat i rasa nak off jak pon tu.. Kalau boleh you have to pretend you hear what he say.. Understand what he mean.. not to talk complicated story... you cannot says 'Hah?" What?" Why?"... sometimes i hate asking him coz i dont like the way he answer me.. bikin hilang mood...

Huh! Im sleepy.. i want to go to bed now.. forgeting this lonliness.. Hopefully i can smile and laugh with his joke today.. i miss him so much.. especially our early days.. Gud Night A.K.A Gud morning Everyone.. Have a nice dream!!

~ Happy 1st Aniversary Hubby!! ~

times flies so fast!! and today we've been together for 1 year!!.. i cant believe that i can make it.. Bravo!!..hee..

We been through so many UPS and DOWN but we're still close to each other.. learning to know each other... and i love to know more about him day by day.. and thanks to Him to for giving me that chance to show him who i am.. i have the chance to shared everything about me.. the chance to take care for him.. i know im not that good.. but i'll promise to improve day by day..

Thanks Hubby for not judging me for the 1st time u know me..

Thanks for making me believe that my past is totally WRONG!!..

Thanks for accepting all my bad, Understanding even sometimes i feel nothing..

For this 1 year i know how to shared my things to others.. U make me feel that im not alone..

we shared everything, we argue with small matter, we cry, we angry, we happy & sad..

Since im with you i learn to be patient, controling my anger even sometimes u makes me more anger with you attitude... but everytime i feel it i told to myself to calm down even its really hurt.. But Thanks god we did it!!!... LOVE YOU MUCH Si Hubby!!!

Now i cant wait for October to come!!! yess!! its Our engagement Day.. wish everything went smooth and the Day will be Our best memori and i cant wait to have you PERMANENTLY!!!

p/s: To My Past i dunno why suddenly you come to my mind today.. Not becoz i missing you but becoz today i realise that i hate YOU the person that i know as a friend.. everything about you just make me wanna shut down all the connection.. im feeling to forget you forever.. Now, i wanna told to my self that everything you ever say about me is WRONG!! and i forgive you coz i know that you never know about me that time.. all your feels that time is FAKE.. i keep telling my self about that.. Hopefully TODAY you know how to appreciate others especially GIRL rather than judging Them and making them believe that they are tottaly BAD! you never know how that feels.. im Praying ur Happiness hopefully SHE is what 'im not'.. CARING!!

Sakit Bila kebenaran bukan itu.

ari ni kawan i call.. just cerita kisah2 lalu.. erm.. dia memang akan cerita hal tu tiap kali kol i..

entah knapa hati marah bila dengar cerita yang slama ini saya asyik ingin tahu.. KENAPA??.baru hari ini saya tahu kebenaran cerita di sebalik hati Dia dahulu.. sampai hati dia kata macam tu.. tapi biar la.. the time for us already END and i already throw away all the things, feels and whatever i ever know about him...! Past is past rite?.. but why suddenly he makes me mad!!!... whatever!!!

" Dulu sa berabis mo dapat dia, tapi slps sa dapat dia sa rasa dia cam lain daripada sebelum ni"... i feel wanna cry, its show that he never wanna try to accept me.. huh!!! silly you Rain!! knapa mo kesah pasal hal ni lagi... Go Away la PAST!!! i Hate you more now..

~ IM MEETING THE MEMORY ~

" It takes a long time to grow an Old Friend "

Dear God,

Thank You For blessing me with this special people..

The one that ever be myside.. comforting me.. making me happy..

Today im asking you to take Care all of them no matter where they are..

Help them to seek their own happiness, success in their job & life..

Amen..!

[ i found this Video when i try to delete all my Old email on yahoo.. A friend send this to me 2 years ago.. i felt so happy! Dunno why.. But all i can say is i miss all of them.. Haizz!! Times flies so past and today everyone of them is somewhere under the rainbow.. Hahahaha! Masing2 dengan kehidupan... ]

~ I Promise ~

Well i'll will be there for you,

when you need someone well i'll be that one,

Well i'll do all my best to protect you,

When the tears get me all right,

Well i'll be the One that's by your side..

Chorus:

Well i'll be there When you call me in the middle of the night,

i will keep the rain from falling down into your eyes,

( I promise ) I promise,

( I promise ) I promise i will,

When You're sick i'll take care of you,

take your darkest night and make it bright for you,

Well i'll be there to make you strong and to lean on,

When this world has turned so cold,

well i'll be the one that's there to hold,

** Repeat Chorus 2x **

And i'll Love you more everyday,

and nothing will take that love away,

when you need someone,

i promise i'll be there for you,

There for you..

** Repeat Chorus **

I promise...

I promise...

When you call me..

I promise...

I promise i will..

" Keep Him safe From the Other Girls "

( Dengar ini before baca ye..!! )

LOVE!! people keep saying about this.. and Me also!

But.. day by day i feel bored talking about this.. Hati keras sangat.. tetau kenapa..

mungkin hati semakin kekurangan CINTA?? ya ka??

Dulu kalau boleh tiap hari i nak post sesuatu yang berbaur CINTA.. tak kira la kat FB atau BLOG..

Tapi Entah kenapa kebelakangan ni tiap kali nak start taip mesti hati rasa terpaksa..

rasa macam tak ikhlas langsung!

rasa tak puas ati tak macam ari2 sebelum ni..

yang mana senyum lebar jak lepas tekan

' ENTER '..

God.. keep me strong.. make me believe that LOVE is pure.. Make me believe that He is the one..

i rasa kepala berserabut.. banyak sangat tanda tanya.. Am i Ready for the PLAN!!??

I macam tak tahu mana arah tuju i.. almost 40% Done..! Please God, Open back my heart..!

I Love Him so much.. But, silly me when loneliness attack me i feel Hopeless..!! I cant control my own feels.. I get mad easily, Cemburu tak tentu pasal..

Its Almost a year and what people say about how hard its has to be was nearly to be true.. Huh!! Begini pula becinta kan.. You have to give and take even your Heart hardly says NO!!.. Sometimes i think im not a good Girlfriend ( Always use this..:)) .. i try hard but the more i try the more i think that im a QUEEN CONTROL!! i dont want to be that.. Honestly!!

Cuma the problem now is if can i want him to be with me every second, whenever he go i should be there too.. i dont want him to talk about another women even she is his Ex, His admirer Schoolmate or someone he dont know..!! i know its only jokes but deep inside my heart its something that hurting me..

If only i cant turn the time back and be the girls who does'nt believe love kan bagus!.. maybe im not as messy as today.. stressfull.. hopeless.. lonely... But, With what i have now i think i have to Thankful God!! I have the one who Love me ( I think so) .. He Gave me Someone i can share my life.. The One who i think i can trust to ( I hope so ) .. The One that can give me the happiness

( God Let it be )

Still have 2 Months to go to The Plan.. I hope that everything in control.. Bless Us God..! I promise i do better in my life , For my Family, My Future Fiance , For You especially and for those who still be with me in my future.. Thanks For this wonderfull Life and amazing people that you sent to me.. Thank you Lord, Amen!

Heavenly God Full of Grace,

Bless My boyfriend's Sexy Face,

Bless His Hair the way it curls,

and keep Him safe from the others girl,

Bless his nose and toes,

and keep His hands so big and strong,

and help him keep them were they belong,

Bless his Minds on Me and Cars,

Bless his body the way its smell,

if mum finds out she'd give me hell,

I tell you Lord He isn't shy,

He has fault so do i,

Bless him Lord because he is my Guy!!

[ Source ]

~ WORDLESS ~

" There is Never a time or place for TRUE LOVE. It's happen accidentally in a Heartbeat, In a single flashing throbbing moment "

~ Im HOT ok!!!~

Argggggghhhhhh!!!!! Im really HOT!!!... sakit hati.. gerigitan!!

i need gula2 manis now... Haizzz!!

Everybody seem annoying!! All of Them!! including this ZYANGA games.

The SMS also!! Dia yang sendiri taip ndak betul cakap urang lagi lambat Pick up!

you know what?? i HATE you whenever you says that!! Like im the one who is wrong...

Whatever!!!

this few days my mood easily change! dunno how to control.. you have to be carefull when i am silent coz im controling my emotion so hard.. Huh!!

~ YELLOW~

Ntahla...sejak 2 hari ni i geram dengan sesetengah orang yang berlagak "TAHU"..!

ini semua gara2 BERSIH 2.0 tu la..adeiii!!!

ayat dia.. FUHHHH!!! punya la CUN!!.. ntah dia ada fikir atau dia just 'ikut' dengan sedara mara dia..i bukan nak menyibuk cuma pa yang dia katakan itu terlalu melebih2..

lagaknya seperti dia yang tentukan MASA DEPAN orang lain..

i tahu tidak salah kalau dia berfikiran cam tu tapi agak2 la.. jangan terlalu RIAK!!..

Berabis mau orang terima apa yang dia katakan sampai sanggup mengeluarkan kata2 'AHLI POLITIK' yang entah benar atau tidak...

So, Guy!! Only 1 thing yang i always wanted to say " Tidak salah menyuarakan pendapat, tapi kena tahu DI MANA & BAGAIMANA.." ko 'IKUT' ?? ada ko dapat 'HADIAH'..show me what you get then i'll listen what you want to say!!!.. jangan hanya tahu cakap tapi 'KOSONG'..!!

dont try to speak like you know it coz i can found everything you've write and say on GOOGLE!!.. prove everyone that you're there so that we'll trust!!!!

~ Sorry I have to say GoodBye!! ~

sa tetau pa mo pikir.. lagi pikir lagi pening plus stress..

Huh! Biarla... urang bilang ' Just 4 Get It'.. tapi ia bukan semudah itu...

kalau boleh sa hanya mau biarkan benda ni.. stress pun stress la.. manatau sa tambah kurus..haa..!

Adeiii....tetau mo taip bah ni actually... im really 'EMPTY'.. mo panggil2 tu ' FEEL' pun susah da..

bukan macam dulu.. otomatik akan datang tu rasa..

Entah lah!!... Let times tells me How...

So, now till then.. dunno when i'll post something here again... Moods berblog semakin berkurang.. i dont have that feels anymore... macam terasa diri terpaksa pula kalu balik2 buka blog nw..

Im resting from Blogging start now.. sa mau mencari keikhlasan hati sa mo berblog ... itu 'RASA' semakin ilang...sa mo kajar lu..hahahha! ok now!!!! Bye!!! See u all next time... Gonna miss everything here... but as i say i need to find the ' FEELS ' first... Muaxxx!!!

Kenapa AKU cinta KAMU??

~"It is not the amount of time you spend with someone that makes life better it is the someone that you spend the time with that makes life better!" ~

" Kenapa AKU cinta KAMU???... kamu pasti ada jawapan yang tersendiri kan??..

walau orang lain berkata " DIA bukan untuk MU" namun kamu tetap kata " DIA adalah untuk KU". Noktah!!

kekadang soalan ni berlegar2 kat kepala hotak i..Why??.. satu soalan yang senang tapi susah nak explain..Hanya You and Dia jak yang tahu..kamu mesti ada sebab kenapa lahirkan rasa CINTA itu dalam diri...samada ikhlas atau saja jak nak have fun itu semua ada dalam hati..TANYA HATI!!..So, Fren..tanya hati sendiri " KENAPA DIA??" Gaduh itu perlu tapi jangan simpan lama2.. itu boleh buat kita TAWAR hati ... Jangan biar EGO jadi 'BOSS' hati kita..kerana ia akan buat kita menyesal suatu hari nanti..

MUNGKIN i tak patut nak ambik kisah pasal relationship orang lain...tapi kan bagi i CERITA orang lain itu salah satu 'SUBJEK' i dalam kehidupan...Hurmm...Sometimes i rasa orang yang cepat sangat JATUH CINTA itu bukan jatuh cinta... walaupun i heard so many stories yang cakap FALLING IN LOVE at the 1st SIGHT tu CINTA SEJATI!..is that true??.. or it's was just a words..ermm... dunno! Blurr...Leave it!..

i live with so many friends yang still i anggap just a friend..yang datang dan pergi.. Not the one yang STAY!.. Their LOVE STORY is different so do Mine...ada masa KAMI serupa..

For me LOVE is when you try to understand your partners.. learn about HIM/HER.. the bad.. the Good... Honestly, my relationship not that good...sometimes we argue over something silly... simple matters became Big matters... U feel angry.. U crying.. Feeling want to Give Up!.. kalau boleh Break up!.. Kalau teda persefahaman memang we're NOT In - Relationship sdh today.. But, Thanks God We already in love for 9 month 1 day... im really blessed! through the hard days we still manage to keep this relationship till today... Understanding itu penting.. what we do now is trying the best to keep it..

9 month?? a long way... i pun tak sangka akan sampai ke angka ini.. Pernah tak korang rasa bosan dan ingin tarik diri??... i pernah ada rasa itu.. Terus terang i cakap time itu memang sakit sangat... tapi sayang i pada dia lagi kuat... walau macam mana pun paksa still Dia dalam hati i.. Susah kan kalau dah Jatuh cinta... DANGER!!!. Hahahahah!

Kalau korang tanya I " Kenapa AWAK cinta DIA" i akan jawab " He makes my day! I smile..i laugh.. i cry... i angry.. He is the One who makes me feel all that ".. mau gaduh lama2 tak boleh coz kalau kitaorang Gaduh mesti pada ari tu juga selesai.. tak boleh tangguh2..haa..!

Hubby,

Dont ask me WHY i love you...

Coz i cant tell its by words...

Enough for me if you knew it...

Sorry if i cant be the One you really need...

Sorry If theres a day in 9 month in relationship that i really makes you mad..

i didnt mean it..

Love you so Much.. Day by day!!..

p/s : I makin risau The Plan tertangguh... Huh! God give me more strength to face all that problems!! Bless Us and this relationship!

...Finally!! The CROWN Find its Owner...

Harvest festival this year officially over Yesterday! Which has been held at KDCA Hall,penampang and Now have to wait for the next Kaamatan on 2012..

Even its End but for all the sabahan the moods is still On and sometimes its only stop at the end of June.. Mean The ARAMAITEE is still alive!!!

I been there too.. But only on 30th..

The place is really crowded!! The Weather is HOTT!! and we park our car too far coz there's no more space for us! and that makes us to walk around 15minute under the sun just to go there.. huh!! And i almost surrender..luckily the kaamatan's mood is strong that day.

Even its Hot still the place really awesome!! and at least i have something to say here..haa!!

Tired but Fun!

Walking around..stop by at food stall..walking again..then stop again..eating & drink...

same thing!! hahahha!

Too many tasty local food there..Dunno what to choose..so lastly we only eat ' Nasi Ayam' [ white rice + fried hicken] Not that delicious..but what to do..no mo table & chair for us at the other stall...haa..! its really Full!! Menyesal juga la..huhuh!

The Kaamatan peak was yesterday ( 31th may)..

But i didnt manage to go there..i cannot imagine walking under the hot sun...

being around with so many people and the most matter is PARKING!

tak sanggup nak jalan jau2..hahahha..!

So here i wanna put the top 7 Unduk ngadau that manage to go to Final..

Miss Bo Tiza A. Disimon

From : Penampang

The Winner For Unduk Ngadau 2011

Personal Point Of View :

She got a beautiful smile..Nice Body! If im a man She will be my dream..beautiful!!

But Honestly She is not listed to my Favourite Unduk.. For me there is someone else deserve to be the owner of that beautiful Crown.. Maybe thats is her luck!! Nway, Congratss Miss Bo Tiza!!

Miss Jovenea Jim Lajim

From : Tamparuli

1st Runner Up

Personal Point Of View :

Just Nice!! Beautiful Costume..! Never cross my mind that She manage to be top 7 and won the 1st runner up.. But, People says..the things that we dont care is the things that suddenly makes us care.. ( Ngam kaitu) Antam jak la..haa...

Miss Caroline Anthony

From : Tuaran

2nd Runner Up

Personal Point of View :

Honestly She's the One that i thought became the winner..Her beauty really charm!!! i love the eyes..and mostly the smile..!! even without make up she's still looking hot!! Thats what attracts me most!..If people ask who do you think would win? I says TUARAN..hee..not because im from TUARAN but she is Beautiful with IQ.. even just manage to be 2nd runner up still im happy!!

Miss Sophie A. Kutam

From : Ranau

4th place

Personal Point Of View :

She is the 2nd person that i been listed as the winner!! Sexy face!! there's something that makes me adore her.. i expect her to be the 1st runner up behind UN Tuaran.. But, what to do..the competition was really tough! and i still can smile that she manage to go to final stage and be in 4th place even im not that statisfied with the result.. Never mind!! Try again Next year..!

Miss Racheal M.

From : Kota Kinabalu

5th Place

Personal Point Of View :

Just Nice..Nice Costume..! just an ordinary face..nothing can attract me..Btw , she got her own beauty..But, she is not listed in my list..

( I like that Dusun Kota belud costume!! )

Miss Alvera Raymond

From : Sandakan

6th Place

Personal Point Of View :

Just Nice!.. Not in my list!

Miss Adeline Joyce M.

From : Likas

7th Place

Personal Point Of View :

Cute!! That the only word i can say..hee

So many Negative & Positive comment about the result!! its really Hot like Kuih Pisang! everyone try to tell their own point of view without watching theirs own words..! Came On la guys!! Everyone have their rights to say but please do put your sensitivity with others feelings!..no need to show you anger here.. You only make its worst.. your words reflect your ownself.. So becareful wit what you says..!

I feel like 'HUH!!' what the hell they a talking rubbish here.. Really Childish! Fighting like a they are the right one..! Stop it and accept all the result.. Everyone have their own Luck.. So, this year its Miss Bo Tiza A. Disimon time.. So lets Cherish its..Even she is not one of my Favourite but still i can see that She got that charm!! and im still Happy coz My Fav contestant Miss Caroline Anthony & Miss Sophie A. Kutam manage to go to final..

Ok la..im tired already reading every comment about the Harvest Festival..wanna stop here..! Cant wait to celebrate the Harvest Festival 2012! So guys stop your words now and save it for next year..hahahahh!

So, Cheers Everyone!!! Jan marah2 aah..nanti cepat tua ooo..! Apa2 pun ARAMAITEE!!!

P/S : Congratulation To Miss Bo Tiza Disimon for being crowned as The 2011 Unduk Ngadau!!!

[ Thanks To David Chg For letting me using His picture! Anyone Who interested to use him as a photographer can call at this Number : 016 - 847 8745 or Just add him on FB and his page ]

..Rest In Peace Aki!!..

..17 may 2011..

You've Gone..

leaving us with tears..

we know you'll never come back again..

but You still live in our heart forever..

Your Laugh, Your stories , Your Jokes and your smile will be the most things to be missed..!

" Tai Kara" will stay in our heart.. Your trademark that will always makes us smile..!

May Your Soul Rest in peace.. Aki Petiris!!

We Love You Now & Forever!!

..uLanG taYanG kEhidUpaN..

ari ni nak ceta pasal CINTA lagi.. Bole??..

i dalam mood nak balik rumah..tetau apa nak buat..hehehe..

( Padahal dah sehari suntuk i 'bercucuk- tanam' kat FACEBOOK)

'Tanaman' i kat sana memang cun2..tak penah ada kat alam realiti..

Ermm...sedar tak sedar i dah ada kat dunia blog hampir 4 tahun..

wow! lama kan... Dulu time baru sign in i tak tahu pun apa itu blog..

yang i tahu i nak cari satu 'tempat' untuk cerita semua yang ganggu hati i..

so ter'wujud la ' DIARY ALAM MAYA' i ni..hee..

and i love it so much!

Dulu..i create blog after break dengan 1st BF..

hahahhah! rasa lucu bila ingat balik..

Alasan nya sebab tak de duit nak beli buku diary yang kiut2..

lagi pun tangan penat tekan pen..hee

nak kongsi dengan kawan pun tak tahu macam mana nak mula..

Coz i bukan nya jenis orang yang talkactive...

i pendiam yang suam2 kuku je..

kalau bab2 nak luah kan frust memang i tak bole..

tapi awal tahun ni i dah delete semua post i tahun 2008 & 2009 punya..

tinggal beberapa saja lagi post i tahun 2009 punya itu i pilih yang terbaik sahaja...

saja je nak something yang fresh..

i tak mau bila tiap kali Log-in Blog kisah2 lama akan terimbas balik..

pertengahan tahun 2009 i couple balik.. dengan bestfriend i sendiri..

tp nak dekat ujung2 taun dia kata nak break.. jodoh tak de.. sedih..

that why i frust again.. lebih2 lagi i admire kat budak ni dah lama..

huh! biarlah... kitaorang cuma sesuai jadi kawan kot..

so taun 2010 memang post semua berkisar tentang dia..

hampir setiap hari i post sesuatu yang emo... dekat FB.. dalam BLOG..dalam SMS..:)

sampaikan dalam dalam beberapa bulan jak post i da mencecah 100 keatas..

hahahhaha! CRAZY !!

Time break dengan guy ni yang rasa sangat FRUST!!..sakit hati yang tak terbendung...

kalau i dok layan hati time tu memang kompom i dah ada kat hospital sakit jiwa..

hahahhaha! nasib baik juga la i masih sayang diri sendiri..

dah tak da jodoh nak buat camna kan...

huhuhu! setiap yang Hilang pasti ada gantinya.... Senyum lebar!!..

pertengahan 2010 AKU JATUH CINTA lagi..

hahahhaha! Dasar!

ala..tak kisah la kan...CINTA ITU BUTA!

bila2 masa pun dia akan datang..

CINTA kali ini memang berbeza.. kalau dulu lelaki yang cakap kat i dorang ADMIRE i..

tapi kali ini i yang dulu cakap..

tak tahu malu betul i kan..hahahha!

tak kisah la..janji bahagia.. erm, i bahagia ke??

i jenis yang susah nak jatuh cinta...sekali ia terjadi i tetap nak kan orang tu..

malu pun malu lah..hee..

and maybe i was lucky! He got the same feel like me..wakakakka!

Lucu juga la..but He is such a nice guy!! and im really thankful tu God..

tak sia2 i tebalkan muka cakap dengan dia time tu... Fuhh! Lega...

Now, ari ni genap 7 bulan 3 minggu kita orang bersama..

pertama kali hubungan cinta i melebihi 5 bulan..hahahha!

and pertama kali juga i rasa sedikit lega dan yakin dengan perasaan i..

saya belajar marah , Cemburu , ambil berat , dan berkongsi hidup dan cerita dengan orang selain BLOG & DIARY...

CINTA buat kita berubah kan??...hee..

ajar kita banyak benda... i sangat2 bersyukur dengan kenangan masa silam i...

kalau i tak rasa sakitnya CINTA masa itu mungkin sampai sekarang i tak tahu macam mana rasa seronoknya bercinta..

Wah!! im dreaming again!! ~ suddenly, i want time flies fast!!..

cant wait for The Plan..

one of the reward for our relationship...

God Bless Us!!..

Hari ini..apa yang pasti i nak sangat Dia yang pegang tangan i sampai tua..

Boleh kan i berharap... :)

Doa kan kami agar sentiasa bersama...Amen!

P/S : Mungkin Cinta itu sakit dan membunuh hati kita.. Tapi hak kita untuk mengubatinya.. Jangan simpan lama2 karang kita ' MATI ' dalam kesedihan..

..HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MAMA!!..

Besok ari ibu!!... Yeah!!

semalam tetiba teringat pasal mama i... tetau kenapa sebak jak hati.. sedih..!

" God, im a bad daughter!!"

first ayat yang terkeluar dari konti suara i.. dan terus terang i nangis dalam gelap..tetau la kazen i sedar ke tak..tak kisah la.. dah la malam semalam i memang EMO gila.. gaduh dengan

En. Ronald lagi... huh!! sakit hati sangat2!! Sorry Dear, my Bad!!

Mungkin perubahan hormon ( Datang bulan punya pasal) yang buat i rasa nak marah jak dalam seminggu ni..semua benda tak kena langsung dengan mood i...kalau boleh setiap minit i nak marah orang... kasihan mereka yang ada di sisi i masa tu.. tak pasal2 kena marah free2..

Sori Adik2 ku.. i tak sengaja..

Besok Hari Ibu! ~ Hati Berdebar2.. tetau kenapa.. walaupun i ni bukan la jenis yang rapat dengan mama i.. jarang sekali bercerita.. kekadang just bertanya kabar yang biasa2 jak.. kekadang cemburu tengok sesetengah kawan yang boleh buat mama derang macam kawan.. tapi i?? tetau la.. mungkin dah terbiasa dari kecil.. i suka buat hal sendiri... lagipun mama tegas sangat tem kitaorang kecil2..nak manja2 pun susah..thats why kenapa sekarang i lebih suka berdiam diri... tapi itu tidak bermakna yang i tak pernah kisah pasal dia... She is number one in my heart..cuma mungkin cara i berbeza.. Orang akan kata i ni x rapat dengan mama i..tapi terus terang hati i memang rapat dengan dia... i sayang dia sangat2..

She is beautiful & Stronger!!.. no one can beat her! i adore her! how she manage to make us alive alone!! she was only 34 yrs old when dady left us.. and she have to raise 5 of us.. our life was really terrible that time.. but still we survive till now.. ! Thank MUM!! i appreciate everything you ever do to us! ~ Im so sorry for being a bad daughter!! Forgive me!!

Nanti petang nak balik kampung..nak celebrate HARI IBU dengan family member.. tak sabar..!

So, You all da plan ke nak buat apa ngan mama masing2 esok??.. Hee..

Jan lupa wish dia ye..!!

Last but not least!! ~ ' HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY ' to all my family members especially to my beloved MAMA, My cute Odu sarabun.. My Sister or Mummy Si Jayden.. My Friends.. My Bf's Mother & Sisters.. My schoolmate who already become MUMMY and not forget all the BLOGGERS!! ~ God Bless You All!!! We Love you all MAMA!!

p/s: Today cannot dating with Him!! wait for me Tommorow Hubby! Starting missing you already! So sorry for last nite..! Love You!!

..WHATEVER GIRL!!..

im on FB just now..and i recognise something!! Did she block me again???..WHY??

but when i check my BF fb she is still there??..weird?? angry with me??..why?? WHATEVER!!

I DONT CARE!!!! you maybe got another reason but im not going to be that nice again! there's no more NEXT girl!!.. Do what you want!!

huh! She distrub my mood today..! if you think that is the best then do it!!...btw, im not that close to you...so your right if you wanna do that..but why only me? Do i make you angry? Tell me..Blocking someone without reason is a coward action when at the same time we know each other!..

( i dunno why i get angry knowing her might blocking me..maybe this is the 2nd time.. so NEXT i have to says sorry coz i have to remove you from my friendlist..)

P/s: i just check my FB and she is there already! should i gave her another one chance!? ~ Luckily im not that mean! i'll Give him another chance!

..It's KAAMATAN..!

" Pemahaman Budaya - Ke Arah Kegemilangan (BM) "

"Kopirotian Id Koubasanan - Ralan Koburuon (DUSUN)"

" Cultural Understanding - The Way Foward ( ENGLISH) "

[ Tema Kaamatan 2011 - Dalam 3 Bahasa]

MAY is such a 'beautiful' month for every people in sabah...

they starting to let themself busy for any activities in this month..

its because KAAMATAN DAY is coming..its also known as HARVEST FESTIVAL..

honestly im no really know what the real meaning of this festival..

i only know a little bit about it..the most interesting things about kaamatan and been waiting for everyone especially for all the girls in sabah is UNDUK NGADAU...something like beauty contest but they are wearing the tradisional costume and the winner called HUMINODUN..here is the link about the LEGEND OF HUMINODUN which i took from JASON JAY BLOG.. you all can see many pictures of all the HUMINODUN through the years..

TUARAN/TAMPARULI district begin their Kaamatan festival 1st May this year which is been held at TUN HAMDAN HALL, TAMPARULI...and i was there that time..hee..

i force my BF to go there..haa..and he ended it saying 'OK' but with his ' mau tidak mau' face..Huh! whatever la..

We reach TAMPARULI around 2pm and its raining so heavy...and there's no parking!!..

we have to make 3 round at the pekan just to find the park and luckily we find one which one is nearer to the place.. we all says 'Thanks God!" ..haa.. we are really excited...and honestly its my 1st time joining the district celebration...all the times i only manage to celebrate the kampung's..hee..

The hall is full but we still try to let ourself in..men paksa!..hahhaha! and the UNDUK NGADAU competition is just begin...they are all beautifull!! CHECK here to see all the contestant or just go to this BLOG..

Now, every district busy finding their UNDUK NGADAU to represent in State Level Kaamatan Festival at the end of the month 30th - 31th of May 2011 at KDCA, PENAMPANG..

and of course i cant wait to see the next HUMINODUN..3 weeks more to come..!

So, Sabahan lets Enjoy this festival..! ARAMAITEE!!!..

Sabahan who is outside sabah please comeback that day and join us!!..Rugiii!!..haa..

P/s: its true my BF doesnt enjoy that day..kena paksa kan..huh! whateverla..

..Sakitkan Bila RINDU datang melawat HATI..

[When i miss you, i dont want to go far...i just have to look inside my heart coz thats the only place i can found you..]

i miss that Guy again..just talk to him two hours ago..
even i dont really like the conversation bt still thats 'feed' my loneliness today..

feel a little bit angry..bored...unstatisfied...
its all becoz that small matter...
my mood gone..feel like 'HUH! ~ WHY SHOULD BLAME ME..'
suddenly feel 'gerigitan'..
hilang trus tu mood mau minta kana sayang2...

But, luckily its not effect my feels too much...
i still can control it..
.i manage to handle it ( terpaksa berdiam diri..tunggu Dia yang start becakap..)
if not memang i dah off phone tu..
huh! Rindu kekadang menyakitkan...!
bila ia tidak terluah dengan hati yang gembira..
LOVE challenge my days every second..
Sabarkan separuh dari iman..hee..!
Tak kisah la Rain...:)
The most important now is accepting each others imperfection..
i know and really sure that we will manage it ..Coz, we love each other..
HOPEFULLY!!

..I KNOW ITS ONLY BEEN A FEWS DAY I LAST SAW YOU BUT IT ALREADY FEEL LIKE ETERNITY FOR ME..SO I SIT DOWN AND COUNT THE TIME I GET TO SEE YOU AGAIN..

I MISS YOU, HUBBY!!

i want to ignore that small matter but so sorry coz sometimes i cant do that..

P/S: The worst things to have lappy at home..i ended it with blog and never care about the time..and now its 11.47pm and my eyes still open wide..so Fresh!..
i say i want to sleep already 2 hours ago to Him..but, im still here..
Pa2 pun i nak paksa mata kiut i ni tido..if not gurantee tommorow morning will yawning every second..hahahha!
Gud Nite everyone..MUAXXX! for my Hubby..

..I Care For YOU..

rasa sakit ati belum ilang lagi...dari semalam cuba nak cool down tapi i gagal..

huh! sakit kan bila kita tak dapat nak lepaskan semua kemarahan yg ada dalam diri..

menangis pun tidak dapat menenangkan hati i..

semalam rasa nak lempar jak handphone kat dinding..biar hancur berderai..!

i bukan nak jadi queen control..kalau boleh i tak nak ambik tahu pun apa yg awak buat..

but i cant! coz i care everything about you..

what you do...where are you..everything!

becoz i do love you more than i ever think..

kalau boleh i tak nak miss satu hal pun yang berkaitan dengan awak..

So, please do care my feelings too... i tak mau lebih..i just nak you bagitahu i aktiviti you..

im so sorry..maybe kali ni i tegas sikit..bukan nak tunjuk ego..tapi i nak you tahu yang tahap kesabaran i ada batasnya.. i penat tau layan feeling i sendiri..pujuk diri sendiri..

i dont want to change you..biar you yang change diri you sendiri.. tapi boleh kah cuba untuk jaga hati i.. i bukan manja.. i bukan nak minta perhatian tapi nak u tahu yang i ni ambil berat tentang semua hal yang berlaku antara kita.. i tak mau benda remeh temeh macam hal semalam buat kita jauh...

i know its not easy to let all that go... dun wori i always be here to help you..all i need is your responsibilities... we change 1 by 1...

kalau boleh i tak nak benda lain ganggu relationship kita.. im scared ok.. everytime its haunted me.. i try my very best not to push you hard but so sorry the feelings always make me fell down..

sampaikan im more sensitive with all you do..apa lagi kalau itu adalah sesuatu yang i tak suka.. Sorry... im really a bad GF..!

i just want simple yet memorable a.k.a romantica relationship...(^_^)v

kalau boleh i tak mau hubungan yang penuh dengan stress.. Boleh ka??..

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Sorry if i always like this...

Sorry if i just wrote rather than saying this to you..

coz i know only tears will tell you all.. my bad! ~

p/s: i just need an understanding!..nothing else..i know nobody is perfect so do i..but i just need someone to care a little bit about my feels.. Love you Hubby!..

~ I'm scared again..~

..im emo again..huh! it's started worrying me..

so many question disturbing me..

im too easy to thinking negative..

im scared with so many things..until i dunno what it is..

Dont ask me why..coz i dunno what it is...

i just need rest!.. too many things in my head now..

job..new job..money..family..him..The Plan..

i easily get angry for something that i know they dont mean it..

i keep asking..blaming my ownself..

"maybe i should do this.."

" maybe i should do that.."

this is what always bothering me..

there is always ' MAYBE ' in my mind..

But what bother me more is Him..

~ ( i know u always read my post..just read it..dont ask me again)~

why?...since i know what love is..i always dreaming to find someone who can be with me no matter what.. Sharing my happy days together...

its mean i want him be with me whenever i want it..

Honestly, sometimes i wish he'll do it even i never ask him..

mean i want him want to be with me even i didnt ask..

i didnt mean he is like that..but sometimes yeah..He is..

everytime i dunno whether i want to invite him or not if i got event with my family..

becoz i know i will feel upset.. but i try to accept it..

thinking positive..ya maybe i have to be slow down..

dont push im hard..let him take his time to be ready..

its ok with me.. the more i ask the more things to be complicated..

just be positive!!..

i wont force him if he dont want..i just wanna learn to just ' TAKE IT EASY'

thats the only way for us to stay strong in love..:)

i hope so!!..

i dont want to be like last time..

forcing him..! i want this relationship less stress..bule ka begitu??..hee..

i'll do my best to saved this..

i know im scared loosing him but i'll fight till i know i cant!!

i really love this relationship!!..i dont want to think any bad influence now..

~ Biarlah sakit macam mana sekali pun saya akan terus berusaha.. Cemburu , tidak puas ati.. Geram or marah akan saya buang sikit2 ~

p/s: En.Ronald im scared with every little possible that might ruin this relationship.. Sorry, if im too much..Love you every breath that come from me..

..Biarkan AIRMATA itu pergi..

[Tears are the normal result of different feelings. We need to show our sadness,pain and even happiness. So tears will do it in the best way.Too many tears or too few, each may signal the need for some adjustment, either letting go of or taking hold of ones emotional flow.. ]

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..kenapa menangis??..

sedih??

marah??

sakit??

gembira??

seringkali kita menangis untuk sesuatu hal yang berbeza..

kita menangis kerana kehilangan..

kita menangis kerana kesakitan..

kita menangis kerana kemarahan yang melimpah..

dan kita menangis kerana kegembiraan...

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Airmata itu suci bagi saya...bagi kamu pula bagaimana??..

orang yang tidak tahu menghargainya akan mempergunakan airmata untuk kesenangan diri sendiri..menagih simpati..menipu..!

----------------------------------------

saya menangis bila saya marah..

saya menangis bila saya sedih...

tapi bila saya sakit saya berusaha untuk tidak menangis..

dan saya ketawa dalam tangisan bila saat gembira itu tiba..

jika boleh saya tidak mahu airmata ini jatuh..

saya ingin jadi manusia batu! yang kuat dan teguh..

bolehkah begitu??..

Namun ketenangan yang berganda selepas menangis itu sangat2 mencairkan saya...

---------------------------------------

Cuba lah belajar menangis sekali sekala...

kerna airmata itu bisa menyejuk kan hati..membuang semua toksik2 yang ada dalam badan..

trust me!

jangan layan ego diri..kerana itu hanya merumitkan keadaan dan menganggu perasaan sendiri..

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Orang kata Lelaki kalau menangis sangat tak sesuai...

lelaki yang menangis itu bukan lelaki sejati...

lelaki lembut...

Lelaki kan juga manusia..sama seperti perempuan..

yang dilahirkan bersama2 hampir semua perasaan yang diciptakan olehNya..

kekadang saya benci tengok lelaki yang berkata dia tidak mahu menangis untuk hal remeh - temeh...

hurmm..perkara remeh - temeh itu yang bagaimana ya wahai lelaki??..

Namun, tidak dinafikan bahawa Lelaki jenis ini adalah lelaki yang kuat..

berani melawan perasaan..tapi memendam perasaan itu sangat sakit!!

pernah ka kamu rasa macam itu??

------------------------------------------

Airmata itu memang sangat sinonim dengan wanita..tapi itu tidak menunjukkan dia lemah...!

Jangan Sesekali buat wanita menangis kerana kamu tidak tahu apa yang akan bakal dia buat bila airmata iru sudah berhenti...

kenapa??

kerana airmata itu la satu2nya cara dia mendapatkan kekuatan...

terutama sekali bila dia menangis kerana kesedihan & kemarahan..

----------------------------------------------

Saya suka menangis..kerana bila menangis saya dapat keluarkan semua yang membebankan fikiran...

Dulu masa kecil airmata saya keluar dengan banyak pada masa Mendiang Bapa saya meninggal..Datuk & Nenek juga 'pergi'..

Namun tahun lalu merupakan tahun dimana kilang airmata saya hilang hampir separuh..(itupun pada usia saya 25thn..)

saya sangat pasti!!..

Ermm..putus cinta itu betul2 'menjatuhkan' saya..

hampir setiap hari saya menangis..

sehingga pada satu hari saya cuba menangis tapi mata saya kering..

Ya..! saya sudah 'sembuh'..walaupun ada sedikit rasa 'sakit' tapi saya tahu saya sudah berjaya untuk melupakan nya..kerana saya tidak lagi menangis...

-------------------------------------------------

Sekarang..kalau boleh saya mahu Airmata ini 'pergi' untuk hal2 yang mengembirakan saya.. Hari yang saya sangat nanti2kan..

Semoga Hari itu tiba dan benar2 terjadi..

( Start missing Him..huhu.. )

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p/s: So, wahai teman2...biarkan la Airmata itu pergi..jangan tahan..kerana ketenangan yang kamu dapat sangat2 indah...Tapi ingat jangan menangis untuk sesuatu yang tidak baik..jangan sia2 kan airmata untuk buat jahat..kerana Harga setitik AIRMATA itu sangat mahal...:)