Wednesday, December 1, 2010

..The 1st December Thought..

..its wednesday..urmm...just reach office and i directly login to facebook..
the 1st things i do every morning..emm..sejak d transfer ke kaunter i have a lot of time on facebook..such a bored day..

..sometime i thinking to find another jobs just to fill this boredom!..i need something which makes me active...! i hate being in this situation..argggghhhh!! hate..!! mostly my time i fulfill by browsing others blog..ermmm...! so many stories i read...there's a lot of expression i got today...sad, happy, funny, hatred & angry...

...LIFE - my favourite words ever...i can write about this for a few pages..hahahha..! a words that means a lot...a single words that makes everyone change.. sometimes i wish thats my life is better that anybody...jahatkan..! hee...i wish that i get everything i need..i wish that anyone that hurts my heart got punishment...i wish that im more beautiful, clever & a simple words is IM GOOD IN ANY WAYS...

..But, i God, has create me like this...and im more thankful that im not like what i thankful that im more to the other side of what i wish..which is making me more sensitive with what ever happen arround me.. Hurmmm..! what a LIFE..! always brings me to this blues feeling..

..Since i was younger..Life always the most reason why im here today..the sweet & sour life thats makes me grows as a stronger person..even sometimes i have to pretend stronger still im thankful that its makes every people beside me happy..! that's the important things i really wanna do..

..its 1st december and everyone in Xmas moods..same with me...for the first time i felt unpatient waiting christmas after been hating it for so long...i dunno why....but i didnt feel the happiness through christmas last few years...all gone when everything change..all i know is that its start the day My late Dad left us 11 years ago and mum convert to Muslim...its seems that all my Christmas dreams being chased out from my life...i try to enjoy it but still there's something blocking all my feels...

..Sometimes, i blaming God for making my life like this..! Sorry God...didnt mean it...its just because all that sorrow brings me down..but still i wanna thank you Lord..becoz of that pain i learn to cherished every single moments that i spent with everyone in my life...
i learn to accept others imperfection..the good & the bad...even im not that good on that..

..Im bad..i judge people..i hate people..i makes them angry...i hurt them..but the different is i dont show it..! only me & God know that i was like that..sometimes i cant accept what people talk abt me but i try to persuade them to accept mine..huh..! i hate myself more than i hate others..
how i wish to be someone else..

..i do alot of mistakes..the unforgiven mistake..huh..! if only we can renew ourself everytime we do mistake was'nt that that we didnt brings this things every second in our life..

..Love to say that i missed my old life..when i still naive..nerd..! huh..! as many years passed i suddenly missing the old Terence..haizz..! why la this memories come out..! whatever..!

..Many times i say that i already forgot everything about my past..but, honestly to says that im not that good on forgeting..still i can says that i cant forgive everyone that ever hurt me..maybe i act like nothing happen but deep inside me my heart still bleeding...

..i still feel unfair for everything happen in my past...seems like this LIFE is teasing me..huh!

..2010 will end in fews week..and i can says that my LIFE changing a little bit...the early years PAIN change to a HAPPY at the end of years..i never expected its change too fast but what i can says is that, this is what i really want now...the content in LIFE always a special delivery to everyone of us especially ME..and i still want to thankful JESUS CHRIST for still walking beside me no matter what..even i always left Him behind..i feel so ashamed for doing that..Forgive me Lord for all my sins...i betray you for so long but you still help me in my LIFE..

..Apa2 pun still i want to says that 2010 means alot to me compare to the others the age of 25 years realize that LIFE wasnt like what we really want it to be...everything that happen in the end of 2009 was the best LIFE's teacher i ever many mistake i many tears fall down and most of all is im wasting so many times for that pain..silly rite??..i feel so tiny..
( huh..! this memories still brings tears in my eyes) FORGET it Rain..!!

..But the most favourite part happen this years is meeting HIM..the one who open back this feels..the one who brings this big smile on My face...Thanks Hubby!! U make my whole day brighter than before...u coloured my days with your jokes...i assign your songs as my LIFE's ringtone..You're my 2010 Happy ending.. you makes me wanna enjoy my christmas day like i have no more chance for 2011' Christmas.. ILOVEU so much..i know it's not enough but thats what sincerelly come out from my heart..

..Hurmm...everyone have their LIFE must be different so do i enjoy this coming Christmas and New year i hope thats my life become mo merrier with everyone important in my life...and i do really hope that i wont loosing each one of you in my life...

** I Love You JESUS CHRIST..
** I Love You MUM
** I Love You ADIK + EDDIE
** I Love You GERIMUK
** I Love You KELLY
** I Love You so much RONALD ( hubby)
** I Love You My Lovely cuzen,
** I Love You My Aunt & Uncle..
** And to both of you ODU SARABUN & AKI PETIRIS - I Love You Most !!
** Won't forget you My Dearest Friend....

..All of you is my Bunch of love and happines!!!

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