Salah saya ka bila saya cuba untuk jadi yang terbaik.

should i stop? whatever i do still its  wrong in his eyes.. bagi dia saya kongkong dia... am i? dia tidak penah fikir kenapa saya buat begitu... still im the one who is wrong... im not queen control.. kalau saya jadi mcm tu sudah gerenti dia duduk rumah saja.. tapi saya still bg kelonggaran cuma dia tidak pernah mau hargai.. saya tegur apa dia bt tp dia anggap itu mengganggu kebebasan dia... What should i do? Tell me god... im weak... lost control... should i stop asking? should i stop care about him? how should i do so that he didnt see im controling his activities.. Pa, tell me... what should i do?? Am i that bad?? why everytime i do something others always blaming me... ?

Is it hard to tell the truth? why people can say what is true? why should hiding? i hate liars and its always be.. 

Pa..Nobody will ever understand me... only you know who i am... if only you were  here..:'( i try so hard to understand what they want, do anything i can do just to  make them happy... but why they misunderstanding.... 

i care about him... but he felt that im controlling his life? why? am i that bad?

Sorry, if i cant be that perfect that can understand what ever you need.. dun worry, i stop it now... bukan merajuk tapi i need time to accept everything... 

im tired holding my heart.. tiap kali sa terpaksa pujuk hati saya... 

Salahkah bila sa mau seseorang yang tahu jaga hati saya? God, tell me am i wrong? setiap kali saya tidak dapat memiliki apa yang saya inginkan... :'(

P/s : This life is teasing me a lot.. too much to hurt me... even my tears cant help... :(

Give Up?

have you ever feel wanna give up on something you really care?? i want!! really tired taking care of my own heart. Tired wif works and nobody i can talk to. i miss being single. Nothing to care. Nothing stressing me. i can do anything i want. Go everywhere i wanna go. Sometimes i wanna talk to him, wanna says i want to give up on him. Goshhh!! am i bad??? tell me.. i cant stand wif this life.. its seem that im the only one who is struggle to make it true.. Huh!! im BORED & TIRED with my LIFE.

My Life is Boring!!

i cry again... if  only i didnt have that strength maybe today is my last day working there. Everyday i feel stressed.. not because of the work but because of the people there. im really tired! Going home with bad mood.. wake up in the morning without smile. Can you all imagine how my life is?? its BORING!!!...1st time feeling regret for choosing to work there. Im not that demanding... but i feel it too much. I try to take care of their feeling but im hurt at the same time. Its effect my daily life. i dont feel enjoying my life.. no jokes.. everything seem wrong to me.

If  find money as easy as i breath i will not feeling stressed like this.. i feel so tired with this life. Huhuhuhuhu... 

When BREATH stop!!

"Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns."

Bryant H. McGill

DEATH??? Everyone know this word. Its scaring right?? Honestly, im not scared of it as we know no one could escape this. Bt, what i scared is Leaving everyone i love.

First time i know about death is when our Grandmother died when im only 6yrs old.. Followed by my Uncle when im 11yrs.. And the most saddest Death happen to me is when My Dad passed away 3yrs after my Uncle. The most shocking things happen in my life. Its changed my life 100%. I lost my STRENGTH. Lost my FAITH. Times flies and i lost someone again.. My Great Grandmother & My GrandFather in both side. Memories remain as one of the things they Left to us. I know that, but theres always a time tears fall down again after many2 years. No one will ever Forget!!.. I know U all too..

Im 27yrs now.. to many people leaving me for 'another' world. When is my TURN?? nobody know. God do His job nicely. Maybe today is my last day, Maybe tommorow.. No one know.. Thats the only secret God never tell us. I cry..Regret...I only rent this world. Someday i may leaving Everyone here.. Will they missing me when in 'Gone'..?? Scared they will forget me.. :'(

Huh!! I dunno why suddenly talking about this. Last tuesday, A friend passed away. He is too young to die..only 24yrs old and have to leave his beautiful wife and a cute little baby girl. Sometime i feel its Unfair coz everyday you read his dream for his Family. He only know he got heart attack last week.. and passed away this tuesday. What a waste..

Sometime, God takes us without notice. So, please do check our own body. Medical Check up is important ~ Im saying this to myself as i was scared of this words

" HOSPITAL".

God, May This Easter bring peace to all the soul that you have called to meet you, Bring them to the place you've promise, Amen.

Last, HAPPY EASTER DAY to those who celebrate! May our life much more better than before. (Notice to myself)..

p/s: I have no mood to WORK there!!.. its stressing me.. Everyday i have to keep all the things that hurting me and i dunno who should i told.. Been too long didnt open BLOG and today i feel much better than before.

** Say NO to ciggarette, Beers, Cholestrol & Stress coz its effect to many dieses **

Its New Year!!!

New year 2012 is here!!! No new solution.. i only hope to find and save many2 money!!! its a year of saving such a big money.. too many hope for this year but the most imprtant is keeping this relationship to the end.. i hope im more mature to lead my life and so do i hope in him.. Amen!!

~ Love & Friend ~

i want BOTH!! can??
i found my LOVE already... Sometimes i dont understand Others or mybe i should not let my life busy thinking about their life.. they makes LOVE as one of their TOY.. last time FIGHTING to have IT but now EASILY letting IT go... Why?? When we LOVE someone its mean we accepting everything coming from her / him.. The bad and Good.. the comittment that we struggle to makes actually a big sign that we really want her / him in our life.. Bt now, look... becoz of the misunderstanding we let go each other.. Wasting your time & money only.. PENGAJARAN: Kenali pasangan anda masing2 sebelum membuat apa2 keputusan penting dalam hidup and we should know that Nobody is perfect... Erm.. whatever la.. dah pilihan macam tu..cuma as a friend i really feel so sad.. Walaupun rasa keputusan tu agak2 baik namun still sa rasa sayanggg sangat.. :(
Now, i only want to take care of my own relationship.. May our love stay Forever..! AMEN!!
FRIEND??
But FRIEND i think i didnt... Why?? Dunno..
Last time i can says that i got my BFF but today all i can says is im wrong..
No friends can stay long with us.. i learn it This fews day.. Only 1 people in this world can trully be your BFF and im looking for that person... Mybe its my fault accepting anyone as a friend and love them like a family.. i know im wrong.. its Ok.. im leaving..
Someday im hoping that there's someone coming to ask me to be their friends and became the last person to be my friend in life... i dont want 'MANY' i just want 'ONE' friend that trully there when i need someone other than my Fiance & Family... A friend that not only looking for me when they're down.. when there's no one beside them.. thats not friend.. !! One more thing is they should know that i HATE liar!!!.. dont ever try to make fool around me.. i wont scold you but dont ask me why if someday i ask u to leave from my life... Thats the best choice i can do.. I know im not good.. im bad.. really bad..!!
Sorry Friend... Hopefully u enjoy & Happy with your own life..:)