~ Jahat ka Saya?..~

kekadang bila baca balik setiap yg tertulis di sini terrasa diri ni terlalu kejam...
tapi apa kan daya...hati ini terlalu sakit setiap kali mengingat kembali apa yang terjadi...
terasa diri ini tidak berguna...terasa diri ini terlalu naif...
membiarkan setiap yg berlaku dan terus menerima nya sebagai satu takdir...
terasa ingin saja membenci diri sendiri kerana membiarkan orang yang di kasihi memperlakukan
aku sebegini...orang yg di percayai mampu memberikan kebahagian dan kegembiraan..
huh!!...tapi itu semua hanya angan2 yang tidak kesampaian...

tapi kenapa hati masih tidak dapat menerima takdir ini...
kenapa diri masih merindui dan mengingati orang itu...arrgghhhh!!..
kenapa susah untuk melupakan nya...
PERGILAH WAHAI KENANGAN!!!!!...

~ left it behind..~

i will not ask for anything...
just a SORRY frm him...
aftr that i will not ask him again...
saying the words in front of me...
thats the only 1 thing i need from him...
i dun want SORRY frm his sms...
i want to hear it all by myself...
so many things i cannot accept till now..
i only waiting for this...
i want you to sa I'M SORRY!!...
u never ever gave me a chance to give a word..
u do it by yourself..SELFISH!..
i hate myself when i cant accept everything you ever do to me...
even hw i love u but still i cant ignore that i hate u too...
HATE you for what u have done to me...
HATE you for not giving me a chance..
HATE you for judging me when u never try to understand me...
HATE you for still missing HER when im with you..
i feel like u just wanna have fun with me...
sometimes i thinking whether your feelings towards me is sincere or u just need someone to fulfill your lonely time...
im sorry to say that i really HATE the girl!!!...[ begitu lama sa mengalah dengan dia tp still she is the one who makes you happy...even i know u try but for me u never try to forget her..]
im wasting my time..loving you for so long..but still i can have you...
sometimes i feel it's not fair...really not fair...you treat me like a doll...
when you need you just take..but when you didnt you just left it...
i feel like USELESS!!...like what i have done before is nothing!...
like only me the 1 who put so much hope in this relationship...
why??why??why??...pls tell me...
i want to left all this behind me but its not as easy as you think!..its not as easy as you ever do..
you just sms me and left me alone with all this..!!
and u know what i HATE you whenever i remember all your words..!
but, it's ok...i will left it behind me even it's so hard...
[Sorry...banyak pandangan saya tentang kamu yg sdh berubah...i know im not a good girl but im not a bad girl too like what you think b4 this..]
i cannot promise not to love u coz u're the first 1 i fall for...im waiting for u 4 so long...i surrender with HER..only god know my feeling that time...but i will not hoping for you again...
i'll keep this love by myself...i was really tired...i want to rest from all this...
[ Please forgive me for having this feeling towards you..this MISS, LOVE and HATE feels...only this will help me not to forget everything happen to us..]
i LOVE u....
i MISS u...
but i HATE u tooo...im so SORRY!...

~ STOP!!!!~

silly me mummy...
i was crying when i writing this...
i dunno but this day really makes me hurt...
paling sakit hati berbanding hari2 lain...
i view his profile again...[ i also dunno why..it's automatically]..
i view his videos...just want to hear his songs...
but there's something i found...
dunno why i should feel it...but trully i was jealous...
Rain...what happen to you...!!!!

~ Time's UP!!~

It's ok Rain....time's up already...
u've been wasting your time for so long...so the time for you is up already...
u've to stop now cuz it only make you sick....
let start a new life, new day and memories....
Please let him go...

Scott...
i been loving you for so long...
even i know there's no chance for us but still im hoping for it...
don't u ever care about that??..
silly me...everyday i hope you'll say, " Im sorry for what happen..pls come back to me",...
if only you say this before i wrote this blog, i'll say to you..." i already forgive you!!..",

Rain...
start from this day..stop being a silly girl..
dont let anyone do this again to you...
cuz you deserved the best!...

Scott...
this is the true fact...
i let you free now....
free from my message, mind and heart...
i been locking u in me for so long...
so now go to everywhere you wanna go...
do anything you wanna do...
my pray will always with you...
i hope you'll find someone that really suits u more than me...
that will take care of you more than i ever do ( even i know u never feel it...right?)..
sorry to say that...
u know what...your message still in my inbox...
everytime i miss u, i read it...
it's make me really sad...your words really hurt me..
i never know that you feel it when you're with me...i feel so bad...
but..it's ok...i learn something from that..
only me an God knows what is it...i just hope you'll cheers your life till the end..
dun worry i will not disturbing u again...after this let us do our own things!!..
i miss u and love you so much..that's why i have to force my ownself to forget u...

Rain..
let's enjoy every moments with new memories!!..
your past just let it go...
Smile and Cheers always Girl cuz the Time's UP already!!...

New Year LOVE!!!

as the year go one step ahead so my age also...im going to 25 years this coming march...my family always ask me.." WHY NOT BRING YOUR BF HERE" ??..so the answer that i always use is " I HAVE NO BF, SO HOW CAN I BRING HIM HERE..??..and the feedback that they always give is that they say im too choosy...of course i am [ x la teruk sgt..] but, i just leave them with a big smile on face and telling them that someday i'll bring HIM to them...that's why sometime i hate balik kampung coz they'll ask me everything abt this...i don't like speaking abt something that i also not so sure...only God now who is suits to me..(",)

im not a choosy person actually..but if it's is because a PARTNER of a LIFETIME i should be...it's not easy for me to falling in love with a man...there's a lot of things i will think before choosing them..im not into a handsome , rich or tough man...i like someone SIMPLE...the one who can make me smile when i think of him..laugh because their jokes..touching with everything they do to me...the way they makes me feel comfortable whenever i am with him...i love my family and the way i live my life...and it will be an advantage if he got a same interest with me...i hate silence coz im a silent person but sometime too talkactive..

Once i fall in love.. the man will always stay HERE in my heart and mind...that's why im so cold sometimes to some people who come to me especially man..i don't like giving them hope..if i say i don't like means NO!..but if im happy and comfortable with him so it's means there's a hope for HIM!!...i dun like other people to introduce me..i like if i fall for him out of my control..the reason that i also dunno...:)

Maybe someday my turn will come again to feel how good , romantic and happy i am being a GF to someone...being treat as a princess like im dying tommorow...sometimes i feel jelouse seeing my friends & family members with their lovers...so cute!..crying alone becoz of that is always happen to me...[ and i always wish he come back to me...treat me like them..]..

New year...i hope it's brings a new hope to me...NEW LOVE that i wish to be the last!!..
God Bless Me!!...to YOU [ you that ever come to my life and change my whole life ] that i missed so much..may this coming New Year will brings you a lot of happiness in your life and take a good care!!..

~ LOVE ~

LOVE got so much means...but mostly people refering the words to a couple..WHY??..
[hehehehhe...im talking abt this everytime...in my status and mostly on my blog..i dunno why bt this words makes me thinking so many things...] i have a lot of friends who sharing their love stories...i read a book..i watch movies...i listen to a song...sometimes we never expected the stories to be like that..but that what God has create for us...i know some people will think this is just a nonensense things to think about...but i challenge you...if you can let your mind not to think about it just a minute then you'll just go and ignore my post..(",)..

LOVE is the most purpose why people change so fast...from silent to talkactive, cold person to warm person, happy to sad..if before this u're not a jelousy u'll become a jelousy person...simple to a smart one..unsexy to a sexy lady...hehheheh...and so many changes that we never realize happen to us...believe or not??..ask yourself...no need to make an excuses coz i know deep inside urself u're agree wit me right...(",)...no matter LOVE with ur bf/gf , family or Friends but the fact is we CHANGE!!..see, how strong is the words...hehhehehe...that's why i can't help myself not to fall in love...like you all...i want to feel it by myself the POWER of love..even LOVE to GOD is the most powerful but LOVE between us help us discover and taste how GOD's LOVE is...

LOVE..LOVE..LOVE...never ever afraid to be in love..even last time i felt it but i want to tell you not to be afraid...maybe today u're not success in that but who know u'll get it tommorow...i dunno why..but i love all my family LOVE STORY...even there's so much pain still they're so strong to fight...they keep trying to make it come true...my cousins , aunties , uncles , my sisters , my parent and even my grandparents...their experience makes me become who i am actually...hehhehe...but still i fail in my own LOVE story...kasihan kan...hehhhehehe...im not ignoring the feels but it's better to be ready 100% before accepting the feels again...and i actually cannot wait to have the feels again..

no matter what is your opinion about this words...this is what i think..everyone is free to say anything kn...hehehhehe....so PEACE NO WAR!!..actutually i dunno why i write this but as i say before i love writing so much so i don't care what people will say about my words...coz i know i did'nt say something bad kan?..

[**knapa tetiba ada PEACE NO WAR??..hahahhaha...apa2 jak la...]

So, Friends....enjoy the LOVE STORY around you...every second it's appear in everyone of you...so, while you got the chance why not discover it...CHEERS!!!!...(",)..