.. A ' words ' ..

..Ermm..maybe this will be my last entry...
i will not stop from blogging coz this is my life..
my bestfriend ever...
the only one who understand me most..
but i have to stay less here coz i love him so much...
i want to take care of his feelings...
i dont want every words that i says here will cause the argument..
i love this relationship..
and im really tired of any misunderstanding between us...

honestly, this is hards for me..
but nothing is impposible rite...
4 month already and its really tough for me...
i dont wanna be the quitter like last time..
i'll do anything if i have to..
even forgeting my interest.. i'll do it...
its not becoz i want him to please me..
but its becoz i wanna change too...

the time is coming..
i dont want to stay with my old life..
even how hard it is i will face it...

2011 is a challenge year for me..
i can feel it..
and im really hope that im stronger than before..
and i realize something that this years is different than last2 years..
i have new people in my life..
i have new hopes..
i have new priority..
i have new responsibility..

sometimes im asking myself..
" Why God didnt let me have this before"..
why now??...
its hard...i feel wanna quit sometimes...
but, there's something that help me to be strong...
this LOVE..
coz, i realize that this LOVE is different..

im thinking alot since that day...
my fault..and im really dissapointed with myself...
"God, Help me...
i need strenght rite now...
please let me stay...
i dunno who should i find..
i dunno how im going to do this...
its hards and its killing me..."

i feel wanna cry everyday...
leaving all the blues feeling with my tears...
and leave me here with a smile...
i just need HAPPY in my life now..
im tired of anger, hurt & tears...

Can u feel what i feel rite now??
im drowning...
and im forcing this tears to stop there..
coz i know i wont stop till i really sure that im ok..

why life so complicated...??
huh..! im tired with all this...

so dearest reader...
sorry if this is my last entry...
will comeback soon..
when??..
maybe its when i really can change myself..
when i really can tell & share everyone how i feel rather than writing here...
maybe tommorow , next week , next month or next years..
nobody knows...
hopefully God is with me...
Coz im scared that i'll fell down and nobody there to help me..
Dun wori..i'll always following all your words here..
coz i cant live without others words...
A words that makes me thinking and knowing people without seeing ur face..

So..cheers up everyone!!.
Makes your day as wonderfull with ur new experience..
coz thats the only one things that makes our life more meaningful and precious...

Hubby,
I love u damn much...
sorry if im too much...
i just dunno what to do..im blank..
Thanks for everything..i appreciate it so much..
Maybe im not that good..
but i'll try the best i can be...
Firstly, Sorry...if it not like what you wish..
i cant pretend to be like that..
so everything you see & hear from me after this is the best i can do..
i just need an understanding...
I love u so much..thats the fact..