*** a big SIGH!!***

hurmmm....tommorow i fly to KL..attending my aunt wedding...
im happy???..
i dun have any feels..cuma sa ndak sabar2 mo ka c tinggal ni sabah...
dah la panas...teda ujan...hehehhehe...joke only!!..:)
i miss family gathering that's why ndak kesabaran mo jumpa half of my family there..
sharing their happiness together...laughing!!..that's the important!..
i think it's been too long i didnt laugh sincerely...laughing with emptiness feels..
thats what i really need for now...coz there's something in my heart that really blocking all my feels....the only 1 things i do this week is crying silently, alone and lonely...i dunno why but maybe im afraid to " PUSH" it out..my LOVE to him...even how hard i pretend that im moving on but still i cant do...am i that silly girl!!!!..

<<<...lalallalalalalalal...its happy time!..>>>>>

im happy today...why? i also dunno...this coming friday 19th march i will celebrate my 25th yrs birthday...im planning to celebrate it with my lovely friends...treat them to show how happy and glad i am to have them in my life...i want to share my happiness to them...my feeling really like this picture PINKY and full with LOVE!!..

next week on 26th march will fly to KUALA LUMPUR..having a week holidays there...will have fun there with my family...and 1 reason for me to leave SABAH for a while...hopefully when i come back again here on 31th march my life will start to the begining...a day before i fall in love with him...i know he already found his happiness..
that's mean i need to STOP this feels!...
it's was hard but i know LORD will help me...
like He helped me last time...
IM HAPPY FOR WHAT EVER I BEEN THROUGH BEFORE!!..
its the time for me to start again..build my life without someone called BOYFRIEND!
im gonna SMILE, LAUGH, SING and DANCE after this..coz that's my BIRTHDAY's wish!..
i dun want to care about MAN & LOVE for this couple years...
not because i hate and afraid but because i dont TRUST with that feeling anymore...
i know someday i will face this things again...when???..only me and God know the time!
as for now IM HAPPY with my life!!!...(",)..

~something bothered me!~

wow...its been too long i didnt write...heheheh...sorry guys!...
today im thinking not to write about HIM anymore...im remembering him but i relize that i have to stop it...all this way i learn a lot but my mistakes is that i still HOPING!..
i view his profile a lot just to know whats going on with him...
last week i know something happen to his mum..i dunno why..but i feel so scared..sad..worry..
feeling as a friend that i used to have before still strong in my heart!..hopefully everything gonna be ok..

God, last time i ask u to show me wether he is the best choice for me and u show me something that i really dun want !..but i dun want to care about that..coz i know its gonna be happen someday..but now im asking u again...please let him have his happiness coz i care more about that..bless his family!...

my weakness is i cant stand seeing someone i love and care in sadness...i better feel it than know they have it!

i dream a lot about my loved ones ( FAMILY + BFF) lately...i feel concerned everything about them...i hope to be with them...smiling with their jokes...having fun with them..cooking them something...eating together with them...

huh...i actually dunno what to write...i just write something to let all this BLUE feeling out!..
coz there's something in my heart that keep bothered me...something that i dunno how to explain...only God know what thats..and im still adking Him to tell me what is it..but until now i still didnt get it...maybe its because i seldom go to church...(",)..
i need time to do that...saya mahu menghadap dia dengan keikhlasan hati saya...i will not do it juz bcoz i have to do that..its not me...i know he planning my LIFE in a good way...
LORD, bless me...i need my strength back...!

VALENTINE'S DAY!

Today is valentine!...but im here ALONE!..hehehhe...
it's ok..as long as im hapy enjoying this day is enough for me...
Today is all about LOVE..early morning all the radio station playing the sentimental love songs that makes me dont wanna get up...heheheh..
the songs make me sleep thight!!...
my cousin's & my roomate's handphone didnt stop ringing...maybe it's their bf sms...only my HP in silent mode...kasehan kan...:)
yesterday he sms me...just wishing me " happy V days'..emm..that's enough if he still remember me..:)
but why my heart beating so fast..am i angry or still missing him..huh!
yep...im mising him!..why the time past so slow...when will this thing stop...or am i the one who didnt allow it happen...??

It's Valentines...But..?

it's valentine's day..but why?
My heart still hurts,
and causes me pain,
I wish I could just see him again,
I thought we would be together,
from now till forever,
but something took that away,
now I had to start my own days,
but why am I still stuck
carrying the pain,
I thought the pain was over
till I spoke of your name
now it's all back to haunt me again
I still hold the memories of you and I
why oh why did we have to fight
we were both young
but I thought it was true love
do you ever wish you could hold me again?
now it's too late
now it's all gone
because now we both chose to move on.
do you ever wonder
do you still care
do you ever shed tears,
I didn't I was being strong
that's how I learned to move on
but now it's back to haunt me
and I realize I still care
I wish I could turn back all the years
and make you stop
and make you listen
and make you see
that you were meant to only be with me.
we use to laugh
we use to love
we use to be close as a dove
gosh I wish you could see me once again
I love to laugh
I love to love
gosh all I wanted was your sweet hugs
but now my heart is squished like a bug
once again the pain has risen
now I have to get it back to hidden
please take care in what ever you do
but please always know that I did love you..
" HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, DEAR FRIEND!"

~ Jahat ka Saya?..~

kekadang bila baca balik setiap yg tertulis di sini terrasa diri ni terlalu kejam...
tapi apa kan daya...hati ini terlalu sakit setiap kali mengingat kembali apa yang terjadi...
terasa diri ini tidak berguna...terasa diri ini terlalu naif...
membiarkan setiap yg berlaku dan terus menerima nya sebagai satu takdir...
terasa ingin saja membenci diri sendiri kerana membiarkan orang yang di kasihi memperlakukan
aku sebegini...orang yg di percayai mampu memberikan kebahagian dan kegembiraan..
huh!!...tapi itu semua hanya angan2 yang tidak kesampaian...

tapi kenapa hati masih tidak dapat menerima takdir ini...
kenapa diri masih merindui dan mengingati orang itu...arrgghhhh!!..
kenapa susah untuk melupakan nya...
PERGILAH WAHAI KENANGAN!!!!!...