what is FRIEND actually...

sometimes i thinking too much on that...
am i ever have a very real bestfriend?
am i ever looking good to my friends?
huh!..i dunno bt still i felt that i didnt have the real one...
whatever la...i spent my whole life alone...and suddenly i have a lot of friend i guess...that's makes me feel weird...
an i hate this feels actually..arrrrghhh!!!!!!
dunno wat's going happen actually....
i just miss my OLD TERENCE...
the silent one (heheheh...sampai orang takut mo bercakap dengan saya)...
Memories come and gone...most of my secondary n primary schoolmate are somewhere i dunno..
i missed all we ever do..hahaah...the funny things thats still remain in my mind n heart..
now they have their own life with another friends...
maybe that's what life is...we will meet many kind of friends...different culture , character and af coz different gender..hahahhaha...sometimes having many friend is such a wonderful thing we ever do...but if we cant handle each of them it's seem like u dont have even 1 friends...
for me letting go our own EGO sometimes is such a briliant idea on getting the relationship stay longer..
try to learn them as we learn our own...no matter how bad they are still they have a little sweet things which ever make u smile, happy and laugh...remember that and u'll discover how wondeful them to you...



* ermmm....i just miss all my friend...im thinking what they doing right now...**

HATI - kenapa kah ia terlalu sakit!!..

sa tidak tahu kenapa hati sa sakit...macam mo menangis bila tgk gambar kawin dia (1st bf)...walaupun perasaan cinta sa ma dia tidak sekuat Dia (2nd bf) tp sa still rasa regret sangat...Geram, Sedih & marah dgn pa yg pernah dia buat sama sa...Jealous??.. maybe..sa cemburu bila tgk dia kawin duluan dari sa...biar la...jodoh dia duluan sampai so i just wish the best for him...
~HAPPY WEDDING DAY TO WONG KUAN FUNG!!~(",)

when is my TURN??

15th nie adik sa tunang..heheheh...happy for her...

tapi yg tak bestnya dorg balik2 ejek2 sa..heheheh..they ask, " ko bila lagi,,tgk c adik lagi duluan"..

i cant answer them..ol i can do is just SMILE and say.." biar la bah...jodoh dia yg duluan sampai..pa ble buat..( tp dlm hati cuma i ja yg tahu..)..

actually klu ble sa tidak mau adik sa yg duluan but i have to accept the fate kan..

i dunno why but i become more choosy than before..i upgrade the qualification already..hahhahaha...i dont want HIS to be exactly what i want but i only want the BEST..the one who always there for me in my ups and down..the one who's not leaving me when he says I LOVE U to me...i hate that kind of guy...really!!..accepting me the way i live my life, understanding and comforting me when im down...talk to me face to face...because i know its the only way to know whether he is the one for me or not...or is he serious or just wanna have fun with me...i already promise to myself that no one can ever hurt me again...NO ONE...i dont want to care what others will say about me...all i know is i wanna live my life in my own way...dont ever judge me for who i am coz im the only one who knows myself better..i suggest u all to watch yourself more...

i'll put this coldness until i found the one who really knows me...i hate liar and coward!!..they only know how to talk but act nothing...tidak bertanggungjawab!!....( huh, i hate this monday blues..whatever!!!!!..)

p/s : actually siok juga klu kena langkah bendul ni...coz i dapat GOLD RING for free...hahahhah!

* enough for today...will post another one bila i free for internet...(",)

*** a big SIGH!!***

hurmmm....tommorow i fly to KL..attending my aunt wedding...
im happy???..
i dun have any feels..cuma sa ndak sabar2 mo ka c tinggal ni sabah...
dah la panas...teda ujan...hehehhehe...joke only!!..:)
i miss family gathering that's why ndak kesabaran mo jumpa half of my family there..
sharing their happiness together...laughing!!..that's the important!..
i think it's been too long i didnt laugh sincerely...laughing with emptiness feels..
thats what i really need for now...coz there's something in my heart that really blocking all my feels....the only 1 things i do this week is crying silently, alone and lonely...i dunno why but maybe im afraid to " PUSH" it out..my LOVE to him...even how hard i pretend that im moving on but still i cant do...am i that silly girl!!!!..

<<<...lalallalalalalalal...its happy time!..>>>>>

im happy today...why? i also dunno...this coming friday 19th march i will celebrate my 25th yrs birthday...im planning to celebrate it with my lovely friends...treat them to show how happy and glad i am to have them in my life...i want to share my happiness to them...my feeling really like this picture PINKY and full with LOVE!!..

next week on 26th march will fly to KUALA LUMPUR..having a week holidays there...will have fun there with my family...and 1 reason for me to leave SABAH for a while...hopefully when i come back again here on 31th march my life will start to the begining...a day before i fall in love with him...i know he already found his happiness..
that's mean i need to STOP this feels!...
it's was hard but i know LORD will help me...
like He helped me last time...
IM HAPPY FOR WHAT EVER I BEEN THROUGH BEFORE!!..
its the time for me to start again..build my life without someone called BOYFRIEND!
im gonna SMILE, LAUGH, SING and DANCE after this..coz that's my BIRTHDAY's wish!..
i dun want to care about MAN & LOVE for this couple years...
not because i hate and afraid but because i dont TRUST with that feeling anymore...
i know someday i will face this things again...when???..only me and God know the time!
as for now IM HAPPY with my life!!!...(",)..

~something bothered me!~

wow...its been too long i didnt write...heheheh...sorry guys!...
today im thinking not to write about HIM anymore...im remembering him but i relize that i have to stop it...all this way i learn a lot but my mistakes is that i still HOPING!..
i view his profile a lot just to know whats going on with him...
last week i know something happen to his mum..i dunno why..but i feel so scared..sad..worry..
feeling as a friend that i used to have before still strong in my heart!..hopefully everything gonna be ok..

God, last time i ask u to show me wether he is the best choice for me and u show me something that i really dun want !..but i dun want to care about that..coz i know its gonna be happen someday..but now im asking u again...please let him have his happiness coz i care more about that..bless his family!...

my weakness is i cant stand seeing someone i love and care in sadness...i better feel it than know they have it!

i dream a lot about my loved ones ( FAMILY + BFF) lately...i feel concerned everything about them...i hope to be with them...smiling with their jokes...having fun with them..cooking them something...eating together with them...

huh...i actually dunno what to write...i just write something to let all this BLUE feeling out!..
coz there's something in my heart that keep bothered me...something that i dunno how to explain...only God know what thats..and im still adking Him to tell me what is it..but until now i still didnt get it...maybe its because i seldom go to church...(",)..
i need time to do that...saya mahu menghadap dia dengan keikhlasan hati saya...i will not do it juz bcoz i have to do that..its not me...i know he planning my LIFE in a good way...
LORD, bless me...i need my strength back...!