VALENTINE'S DAY!

Today is valentine!...but im here ALONE!..hehehhe...
it's ok..as long as im hapy enjoying this day is enough for me...
Today is all about LOVE..early morning all the radio station playing the sentimental love songs that makes me dont wanna get up...heheheh..
the songs make me sleep thight!!...
my cousin's & my roomate's handphone didnt stop ringing...maybe it's their bf sms...only my HP in silent mode...kasehan kan...:)
yesterday he sms me...just wishing me " happy V days'..emm..that's enough if he still remember me..:)
but why my heart beating so fast..am i angry or still missing him..huh!
yep...im mising him!..why the time past so slow...when will this thing stop...or am i the one who didnt allow it happen...??

It's Valentines...But..?

it's valentine's day..but why?
My heart still hurts,
and causes me pain,
I wish I could just see him again,
I thought we would be together,
from now till forever,
but something took that away,
now I had to start my own days,
but why am I still stuck
carrying the pain,
I thought the pain was over
till I spoke of your name
now it's all back to haunt me again
I still hold the memories of you and I
why oh why did we have to fight
we were both young
but I thought it was true love
do you ever wish you could hold me again?
now it's too late
now it's all gone
because now we both chose to move on.
do you ever wonder
do you still care
do you ever shed tears,
I didn't I was being strong
that's how I learned to move on
but now it's back to haunt me
and I realize I still care
I wish I could turn back all the years
and make you stop
and make you listen
and make you see
that you were meant to only be with me.
we use to laugh
we use to love
we use to be close as a dove
gosh I wish you could see me once again
I love to laugh
I love to love
gosh all I wanted was your sweet hugs
but now my heart is squished like a bug
once again the pain has risen
now I have to get it back to hidden
please take care in what ever you do
but please always know that I did love you..
" HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, DEAR FRIEND!"

~ Jahat ka Saya?..~

kekadang bila baca balik setiap yg tertulis di sini terrasa diri ni terlalu kejam...
tapi apa kan daya...hati ini terlalu sakit setiap kali mengingat kembali apa yang terjadi...
terasa diri ini tidak berguna...terasa diri ini terlalu naif...
membiarkan setiap yg berlaku dan terus menerima nya sebagai satu takdir...
terasa ingin saja membenci diri sendiri kerana membiarkan orang yang di kasihi memperlakukan
aku sebegini...orang yg di percayai mampu memberikan kebahagian dan kegembiraan..
huh!!...tapi itu semua hanya angan2 yang tidak kesampaian...

tapi kenapa hati masih tidak dapat menerima takdir ini...
kenapa diri masih merindui dan mengingati orang itu...arrgghhhh!!..
kenapa susah untuk melupakan nya...
PERGILAH WAHAI KENANGAN!!!!!...

~ left it behind..~

i will not ask for anything...
just a SORRY frm him...
aftr that i will not ask him again...
saying the words in front of me...
thats the only 1 thing i need from him...
i dun want SORRY frm his sms...
i want to hear it all by myself...
so many things i cannot accept till now..
i only waiting for this...
i want you to sa I'M SORRY!!...
u never ever gave me a chance to give a word..
u do it by yourself..SELFISH!..
i hate myself when i cant accept everything you ever do to me...
even hw i love u but still i cant ignore that i hate u too...
HATE you for what u have done to me...
HATE you for not giving me a chance..
HATE you for judging me when u never try to understand me...
HATE you for still missing HER when im with you..
i feel like u just wanna have fun with me...
sometimes i thinking whether your feelings towards me is sincere or u just need someone to fulfill your lonely time...
im sorry to say that i really HATE the girl!!!...[ begitu lama sa mengalah dengan dia tp still she is the one who makes you happy...even i know u try but for me u never try to forget her..]
im wasting my time..loving you for so long..but still i can have you...
sometimes i feel it's not fair...really not fair...you treat me like a doll...
when you need you just take..but when you didnt you just left it...
i feel like USELESS!!...like what i have done before is nothing!...
like only me the 1 who put so much hope in this relationship...
why??why??why??...pls tell me...
i want to left all this behind me but its not as easy as you think!..its not as easy as you ever do..
you just sms me and left me alone with all this..!!
and u know what i HATE you whenever i remember all your words..!
but, it's ok...i will left it behind me even it's so hard...
[Sorry...banyak pandangan saya tentang kamu yg sdh berubah...i know im not a good girl but im not a bad girl too like what you think b4 this..]
i cannot promise not to love u coz u're the first 1 i fall for...im waiting for u 4 so long...i surrender with HER..only god know my feeling that time...but i will not hoping for you again...
i'll keep this love by myself...i was really tired...i want to rest from all this...
[ Please forgive me for having this feeling towards you..this MISS, LOVE and HATE feels...only this will help me not to forget everything happen to us..]
i LOVE u....
i MISS u...
but i HATE u tooo...im so SORRY!...

~ STOP!!!!~

silly me mummy...
i was crying when i writing this...
i dunno but this day really makes me hurt...
paling sakit hati berbanding hari2 lain...
i view his profile again...[ i also dunno why..it's automatically]..
i view his videos...just want to hear his songs...
but there's something i found...
dunno why i should feel it...but trully i was jealous...
Rain...what happen to you...!!!!

~ Time's UP!!~

It's ok Rain....time's up already...
u've been wasting your time for so long...so the time for you is up already...
u've to stop now cuz it only make you sick....
let start a new life, new day and memories....
Please let him go...

Scott...
i been loving you for so long...
even i know there's no chance for us but still im hoping for it...
don't u ever care about that??..
silly me...everyday i hope you'll say, " Im sorry for what happen..pls come back to me",...
if only you say this before i wrote this blog, i'll say to you..." i already forgive you!!..",

Rain...
start from this day..stop being a silly girl..
dont let anyone do this again to you...
cuz you deserved the best!...

Scott...
this is the true fact...
i let you free now....
free from my message, mind and heart...
i been locking u in me for so long...
so now go to everywhere you wanna go...
do anything you wanna do...
my pray will always with you...
i hope you'll find someone that really suits u more than me...
that will take care of you more than i ever do ( even i know u never feel it...right?)..
sorry to say that...
u know what...your message still in my inbox...
everytime i miss u, i read it...
it's make me really sad...your words really hurt me..
i never know that you feel it when you're with me...i feel so bad...
but..it's ok...i learn something from that..
only me an God knows what is it...i just hope you'll cheers your life till the end..
dun worry i will not disturbing u again...after this let us do our own things!!..
i miss u and love you so much..that's why i have to force my ownself to forget u...

Rain..
let's enjoy every moments with new memories!!..
your past just let it go...
Smile and Cheers always Girl cuz the Time's UP already!!...