..uLanG taYanG kEhidUpaN..

ari ni nak ceta pasal CINTA lagi.. Bole??..

i dalam mood nak balik rumah..tetau apa nak buat..hehehe..

( Padahal dah sehari suntuk i 'bercucuk- tanam' kat FACEBOOK)

'Tanaman' i kat sana memang cun2..tak penah ada kat alam realiti..

Ermm...sedar tak sedar i dah ada kat dunia blog hampir 4 tahun..

wow! lama kan... Dulu time baru sign in i tak tahu pun apa itu blog..

yang i tahu i nak cari satu 'tempat' untuk cerita semua yang ganggu hati i..

so ter'wujud la ' DIARY ALAM MAYA' i ni..hee..

and i love it so much!

Dulu..i create blog after break dengan 1st BF..

hahahhah! rasa lucu bila ingat balik..

Alasan nya sebab tak de duit nak beli buku diary yang kiut2..

lagi pun tangan penat tekan pen..hee

nak kongsi dengan kawan pun tak tahu macam mana nak mula..

Coz i bukan nya jenis orang yang talkactive...

i pendiam yang suam2 kuku je..

kalau bab2 nak luah kan frust memang i tak bole..

tapi awal tahun ni i dah delete semua post i tahun 2008 & 2009 punya..

tinggal beberapa saja lagi post i tahun 2009 punya itu i pilih yang terbaik sahaja...

saja je nak something yang fresh..

i tak mau bila tiap kali Log-in Blog kisah2 lama akan terimbas balik..

pertengahan tahun 2009 i couple balik.. dengan bestfriend i sendiri..

tp nak dekat ujung2 taun dia kata nak break.. jodoh tak de.. sedih..

that why i frust again.. lebih2 lagi i admire kat budak ni dah lama..

huh! biarlah... kitaorang cuma sesuai jadi kawan kot..

so taun 2010 memang post semua berkisar tentang dia..

hampir setiap hari i post sesuatu yang emo... dekat FB.. dalam BLOG..dalam SMS..:)

sampaikan dalam dalam beberapa bulan jak post i da mencecah 100 keatas..

hahahhaha! CRAZY !!

Time break dengan guy ni yang rasa sangat FRUST!!..sakit hati yang tak terbendung...

kalau i dok layan hati time tu memang kompom i dah ada kat hospital sakit jiwa..

hahahhaha! nasib baik juga la i masih sayang diri sendiri..

dah tak da jodoh nak buat camna kan...

huhuhu! setiap yang Hilang pasti ada gantinya.... Senyum lebar!!..

pertengahan 2010 AKU JATUH CINTA lagi..

hahahhaha! Dasar!

ala..tak kisah la kan...CINTA ITU BUTA!

bila2 masa pun dia akan datang..

CINTA kali ini memang berbeza.. kalau dulu lelaki yang cakap kat i dorang ADMIRE i..

tapi kali ini i yang dulu cakap..

tak tahu malu betul i kan..hahahha!

tak kisah la..janji bahagia.. erm, i bahagia ke??

i jenis yang susah nak jatuh cinta...sekali ia terjadi i tetap nak kan orang tu..

malu pun malu lah..hee..

and maybe i was lucky! He got the same feel like me..wakakakka!

Lucu juga la..but He is such a nice guy!! and im really thankful tu God..

tak sia2 i tebalkan muka cakap dengan dia time tu... Fuhh! Lega...

Now, ari ni genap 7 bulan 3 minggu kita orang bersama..

pertama kali hubungan cinta i melebihi 5 bulan..hahahha!

and pertama kali juga i rasa sedikit lega dan yakin dengan perasaan i..

saya belajar marah , Cemburu , ambil berat , dan berkongsi hidup dan cerita dengan orang selain BLOG & DIARY...

CINTA buat kita berubah kan??...hee..

ajar kita banyak benda... i sangat2 bersyukur dengan kenangan masa silam i...

kalau i tak rasa sakitnya CINTA masa itu mungkin sampai sekarang i tak tahu macam mana rasa seronoknya bercinta..

Wah!! im dreaming again!! ~ suddenly, i want time flies fast!!..

cant wait for The Plan..

one of the reward for our relationship...

God Bless Us!!..

Hari ini..apa yang pasti i nak sangat Dia yang pegang tangan i sampai tua..

Boleh kan i berharap... :)

Doa kan kami agar sentiasa bersama...Amen!

P/S : Mungkin Cinta itu sakit dan membunuh hati kita.. Tapi hak kita untuk mengubatinya.. Jangan simpan lama2 karang kita ' MATI ' dalam kesedihan..

- LOVE vs THE PLAN -

[ Our 1st Pic after declare..:) ]

.. 7 month 1 days!.. Thanks god..i really thankful!..

1st time i feel the HOPE! I see the way..

i can smell the happiness..

and i just dunno what im going to do and became if someday i lost everything!

He is the one now! Jealousy stay everyday wit me..haha!

Dunno how act like i dont care! Even the smallest thing pun i'll get angry..

but jst marah2 sayang..hee..

as the day came and chang everyday i really hope that ths love will last til death!

Fuhh! Ayat tu bah..hee! But i really meant it..

THE PLAN also going to be happen soon..and i cant wait 4 the day!

Hopefully its happen as what we already plan..

I know God u'll always be wit us!

Keep us strong to face all the matters that come across ths relationship!

LOVE YOU SO MUCH HUBBY!!

..Hati berbicara lagi..

..teruskan berjalan...

..teruskan tersenyum..

..teruskan ketawa..

..teruskan menangis...

" DON'T STOP"..

--------------------------------

..kan bagus jika aku dapat buat semua itu dengan jayanya..

"TERUSKAN" walaupun aku tahu aku sudah tidak mampu..

ntah la..tapi hidup ini selalu sangat menguji kekuatan hati dan jiwa aku..

dia mencari setiap kelemahan ku dan berusaha menumpaskan ku..

kekadang terasa ingin menyerah kalah..tapi tiap kali itu juga aku teringat satu ayat..

".. Semua hal yang berlaku itu ada hikmahnya.."

walau payah untuk hati kecil ini terima..

--------------------------------

ermm..tetau pa nak cerita sebenarnya..berusaha nak buang " blues feeling" aku ari ni..

hari berlalu dan aku makin terasa boring yang teramat sangat kat sini..

kalau boleh nak sangat hantar surat berhenti sekarang juga..

aku dah tak happy keja sini da Encik Traffic light!!..

Boring da nak menghadap benda yang sama cam besa..

kekadang aku rasa yang aku seperti makan gaji buta jak..HUH!!.

lambatnya masa berlalu..tak tunggu ujung bulan..

walau macam mana sekali pun i'll do it this time..

tak nak tangguh2 lagi.. Hopefully, after that my life would be more better..

even i know that my life would be more tough than before..

----------------------------------

Hello CINTA!! ~ start missing Him already..

we been together almost 7 month by next week..and im thanking God for that..

even sometimes i feel lost but still i wanna hold the promises that we've made together..

THE PLAN that we create..i do really hope its happen! cant wait for the day to come..

----------------------------------

Semalam yang berlalu benar2 mengajar aku tentang CINTA..

walaupun mungkin orang bilang pengalaman itu cuma sebesar kuman..

tapi bagi aku ia sangat besar..sebesar dunia ini..

walau macam mana sekali aku cuba untuk lupakan masa lalu namun aku masih gagal..

banyak hal yang berlaku yang buat aku tidak akan lupa memori itu..

sakit hati, marah, benci , putus asa..

semuanya ku alami...

Kenangan itu benar2 buat aku jadi seperti orang lain...

Huh! Biarlar..walau susah sekali pun aku akan cuba buang semua kenangan itu..

Sudah masa nya untuk aku lepaskan semua itu..

~SELAMAT TINGGAL KENANGAN~

------------------------------------------

Wahai CINTA! cuma kamu yang ada di sini...

di HATI ini..mungkin 7 bulan itu masih terlalu awal..

tapi aku yakin kamu la DIA yang HATI ini nantikan...

walau kekadang kita bertelingkah namun kita tetap utuh..

..Maaf jika setiap saat aku membebankan..

..Maaf jika setiap saat aku menjengkelkan..

..Maaf jika setiap saat aku merimaskan..

..Maaf jika setiap saat kata - kata ku buat kau terasa..

bukan niat di hati cuma terus terang HATI terlalu takut kehilangan..

-------------------------------------

Janji ya..yang kamu akan tetap jadi DIA selamanya...

Dia yang bersama-sama dengan HATI ini melayari suka duka hidup..

Dia yang akan menangis dan ketawa bersama...

Dia yang akan membuat HATI ini terhibur dengan gelak tawa mu..

aku nantikan gurau senda mu setiap kali berjumpa...

Hidup akan hilang serinya tanpa itu semua...

--------------------------------------

I only wanna says " YES, I DO" to only YOU..

no one else can take my heart anymore..

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MR. RONALD!..

------------------------------------

P/S: Wahai masa..cepat lar berlalu..Aku penat menunggu ' HARI ' itu tiba..

.. DILEMA..

sa geram...!!! tetau sama dia or sama diri sendiri...
tapi yang pasti hati sa sakit saat ini...
i pretend again!! haizzz!!!...
geram sebab pa yg sa harap tidak kesampaian...
dalam kepala cuma hal ni saja...
mungkin bagi dia 'NEXT TIME' masih ada...
tapi bagi saya itu satu hal yg belum pasti...
he dont know what would happen tommorow...
and i dont know when ' NEXT TIME' will appear again...
Hurmmm...! biarla..

' SAYA BELUM BERSEDIA' - this words keep spinning in my mind...
so many negative thoughts come..and im fighting with the positive one...
tetau kenapa ayat ni tetiba menusuk tul ni hati...its hurt...really hurt..
feel wanna cry..bnyk ni persoalan dlm kepala...

i really2 hope i 'll get something tht makes me smile when i told him this..
becoz i already plan to brings him to meet my family on this wedding day ..
but pa ble buat he have another plan too..on that day...
maybe next time...sa cuba pujuk ati sebenarnya..tapi...huh!! tetau napa sakit ni ati..
i really hope dia akan choose sa 1st then bru kawan2 dia...
walaupun dia cakap ' Tgk lu keputusan si Luke' but still i feels this so strong that
he will not join me...biar la..give him time until he really2 ready to meet my family..
like i do to his family...huh!! maybe sa manja sgt thts y i cant accept this things..
Coz..i already plan this for quite long time..since i says HE IS THE ONE..

HURMMM!! biar la...walaupun sa mengharap sangat tapi sa tetap terima if he choose to be with his
friends that day... i wont forcing him...walaupun nanti he says he want to follow me still i would says NO..becoz i know how its feel when we're in DILEMA... x ikhlas nanti dia that day..if he join me la.. ermm..hopefully luke's application is approved...if not means LABUAN is just a dream..:)
hurmm...biar la.. Next day still have for mr to go there..

Ermmm...biar la tu...Forget it Rain...hal remeh jan ka c jadi complicated..
hopefully 'NEXT TIME' will still have for us...
when?? dunno yet...maybe tommorow..next week..next month or next year..
No body Knows...Only God know..coz he is the one who plan our life...
God, Good Bless Us... Amen!!!


P/S : lega skit ni hati walaupun sebenarnya its hurt a lot...
i wont Forcing coz i dont like it too...

..The Feels..

emm...tia ble tidur...huhuhu..always ending it with blog..

i wish to hold his hand everyday..hee...

tapi everytime kami kuar tia pula terpegang..

buat cam most couples...holding hands while walking...

i feel cam romantic nie..hee

tapi cam rimas pula..hahhaha! susah mo jalan..biarla...

i will do it someday..:)

just finished talking wit him on phone..tapi ndak puas..biarla..dia ngantok..

and i miss him damn much already...huhuhu..

me?? tadi ngantok tp now fresh pula..hee

lgpun lama da tia update blog..

i been with his family for 2 time..1st time on new year and the latest is last week..

i enjoy..neves still ada...itu misti...wish that everything in control..

walaupun smtimes rasa janggal & segan..tp still i like staying around them..

sporting..! and i like it...hee..

i start ody knowing half of his family..but i has'nt let him know mine yet..

dunno how to start...how im going to tell mum about this..

should i said " Ma, sa ada boyfriend suda"..sound funny...

i know mum know little bit ody.. she mybe knew it from my sisters & aunties..

but i feel wanna tell her by myself... but the problem now is i just dunno hw to begin..

hahhaha...Gila kan..im afraid to tell Her...

Ni la ni masalah dia if jarang sharing..sa mengaku yg sa x berapa rapat dengan mum..

dari kecil mmg cam ni..hee..sometimes i wish i can be someone else..

yg ble bercerita apa saja wit her mum..

and i wish i can tell her about him as soon as possible..

why?? becoz im serious with this Guy..and i wont let him go..

im addicted every part of him..every words..but the smile is the one that kiling me..

I love it..the way he walk..the way he tell me something..his noisy sound..hahha..!

im gonna miss it all!!!

Suddenly THE PLAN appear again..haizz..! scared , unpatient , happy , worried.. - all in 1..

i really hoping its happen...sooner or later he will be mine..Forever n Ever..hee..

God Bless Us..!

P/S : Im missing u already En. Ronald...lambat tul tu masa oo...

.. New Year Thoughts ..

" HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011"
- Terima Kasih Tuhan kerna saya masih lagi di beri kesempatan untuk tinggal di Dunia ini..bernafas dan bersama2 dengan orang2 yang saya cintai.. -

rasa2 macam da setahun tak update..haa..padahal baru beberapa hari je..
New Year..New Day..New Life & New Hope..
4 perkataan yang kerap kali muncul dalam kepala..

Maknanya usia bertambah setahun lagi..pengalaman hidup juga semakin bertambah..dan untuk pertama kali nya saya terfikir tentang kehidupan saya selepas ini...kebahagiaan juga matlamat hidup...terfikir untuk menamatkan cara hidup saya sebelum ini.. dalam menuju usia matang (26 thn tu dah kira matang ke?? ) ada satu benda yg mengusik hati nurani saya.. benda yang selama ini saya simpan dan elak.. kekadang rasa diri macam lucu..hahha..! tapi yang pasti hal ini semakin kuat berpaut pada luluh hati...OMG!! i think im getting matured already..hahahhah!

Tapi pada masa yang sama ketakutan itu mendahului segalanya..mengatasi segala keberanian yang selama ini saya pegang berabis...takut jika semua angan2 saya hancur dan pergi begitu sahaja..kerna sudah saya tetapkan angan2 ini adalah yang terakhir..biar macam mana sekali pun susah saya akan tetap berusaha..itu janji saya pada saat 2011 melabuh kan tirainya...

Orang2 sekitar asyik meluahkan azam2 baru mereka padahal benda itu sudah mereka jadi kan azam tahun lepas..saya juga begitu tahun2 lepas cuma pada tahun ini saya hanya ingin jadi diri saya yang sebenarnya..saya penat jadi hipokrit, Ego & Sombong pada diri sendiri...biar la pada tahun ini saya biarkan MASA membantu saya..bukan malas cuma saya penat untuk jadi seperti orang lain...

Huh..! titik airmata pertama untuk 2011 mengalir lagi.. yang pastinya saya rasa takut sangat..! kamu pasti tau apa yang saya maksudkan..saya takut kehilangan Si Dia...sejujurnya, Dia mempengaruhi 80% mood saya tahun ini...dan kalau boleh saya tidak mau kehilangan walau 1% pun.. Dia saya sudah kunci dengan kuat dalam hati...kalau pun nanti saya terpaksa buka balik biarla pada saat itu hati saya 100% rela..kerna saya tahu selepas ini hati saya akan jadi macam mana..

Memang susah mo percaya kalau saya bilang ' Saya mahu dia jadi sebahagian dari hidup saya selamanya ' - i want him to be the first one i saw every morning and the last one every nite...
saya mau dia jadi orang pertama yang saya bisa kongsi segala kesedihan dan kegembiraan saya... because i miss the way he talk to me... Honestly, i miss his Voice.. Everything lar..!!

i welcoming the New Year with Him..do you know how i feel?? im really2 happy..macam tia mo balik jak time tu..kalau boleh mau stay trus dengan dia.. i miss the 2 days together with him and his family..

Hubby,

As u know you're the most priority in my heart now..

i hope u know that..

no one can change the fact that im in love with you..

i accept all yours as the new years come..

im trully hoping that theres a miracle for us this years..

more happiness and love..

more patient and caring..

but the most things that i wish is i hope there is more trust between us..

i dont know what bothering you most but i do hope that its won't distrub us..

you're everything in my life now..

the most important 'THINGS' i wanna have..

Hubby,

im afraid to says ' YOU'RE MINE '

but i wish that you are tottaly mine..

i dunno how to express my feels actually..

but to tell you the truth that IM TRULLY IN LOVE WIT U!!

i know i already told you dis b4..

I LOVE U DAMN MUCH!!

no one can change you in me now..

i just hope something precious happen to my life this years...! thats what keep pop-in my mind..
i will do everything..sacrifice what i have even i have to cry a lot..i dont care anymore coz im serious this time..

God,

i let all my dreams to you..

help me this time..

i need an extra strenght so i can fight any bad things that distrub my plan..

i Love him and want him to be mine..

i need your help on that...

Thanks again for everything that you've plan for my life..

im happy and really thankful..

enough for today!! will update later..2011 will be mo challenging for me..and i will share it here..
everything..! the happy and sad moments..the laughter and the tears.. the smile and the hope..
and the most important is the LOVE and the DREAMS..


P/S : i miss u Hubby.. im thinking of you from the first entry till the end of this post..every moment is YOU!!..

` Bunga - Bunga Cinta `

` Times flies so fast...Today we've been together for 2 months, 2 weeks & 5 days..hee...its seems just only yesterday i told him about my feels..funny..! im happy today..! dunno why but seems that nothing burdening my feels...everything in under control..hee...or maybe its becoz im going to meet him in soon..cant wait..!! been a month havent meet..kasehan kan..ada jumpa pun ndak pun sampai 1 jam..haizz..! i only have to wait for 2 days more and the days belong to us...wakakakka! i love it!!..meeting my chubby hubby..!! LOLS!! My CUTE BEAR2..
Today..before posting this i been thinking everything happen from the first..the day my eyes catch him..his dreadlock hair that attract me that time..the smile that most influenced me to admire him..hee..no words ever come out from our mouth..its just a smile that connect us..everything happen out of control..chat on FB & replying comment on fb makes me want to know more about him..and suddenly this weired feels come..!! hahha.. I admiring HIM!!..try not to thinks more about it but that feels become more stronger everyday..and at last on 16 sept 2010 i told him that i ADMIRE him..huh!!..hee...i dunno where i get the strength but what i know i told him..of coz i feel scared n malu..tapi suma tu tidak terasa the time i told him..aftr done the first sound that come from me is ' FUHH..LEGA..' !! hee.. what happen aftr that??..will tell you all next time..how we at last be together..! hee..`


` - BEING WITH YOU - im deeply in love with this guy..hahhaha..! crazy rite..last time i never want to think my future with any guy that i dated..but, suddenly the feels appear when he comes to my life..dunno what attract me most to him..but as i says before he is the one who makes me feel so many feeling...Angry , sad , jealous, blues and the most is HAPPY..! he let me fall in love with him over and over again..! - THE PLAN - is one of the most priority now..hopefully its happen as what we want..GOD, help us..! i need it..i know its still have a long days to be waited and makes me unpatient..! so many things flies around my head now..kakkaka..! - HOW , WHEN, WHERE & WHAT - this words keeps pop in and makes my heart beat Dup Dap Dup Dap..its dance!! hahaha..! OMG, i just cant wait it happen..!`

` -TAKE CARE- my favourite words...i'll choose this rather than I LOVE YOU..! hee..its becoz for me TAKE CARE says it all..all the romantic words was included..but - TAKE YOUR TIME - makes me feel annoying..hahahah..! dunno why bt i hate this words when im talking to him..sometimes i used this just to show him that im not in mood..but not everyday i use it for that...when im in mood i used it too..lols! but overall the percentage of DISLIKE is more high than LIKE..! Tapi..apa2 pun i like all his words!! im craving for that..Luv U Hubby ..
` Be ready hubby...hahhaha..! becoz im totally cant take you off from my heart now..! and dont blame me if someday you'll drowning in my love..wakakkakak! upsss..its sounds like what huh??..lols..! whatever..!

p/s : Hubby, The best thing about me is you. ..! Love You So Much!!..** LOVE..LOVE..is in the air**