.. The Past..

i wake up early today...
i reach office more early than yesterday...
i taking bath early tooo..
i wonder why im doing something more early today..
but i havent taking my dinner yet..huhuh...

ari ni sampai kat opis kira awal lar..even i late 15mins...ok lar dari yang kelmarin2..selalu sampai opis dah nak dekat jm9..hee...bukan apa..cuma malas nak bangun tidur..selalu salah kan jammed if kena tanya pasal ape lambat sampai..hee...tp memang betul pun...:)

tadi petang sampai jak dari opis i terus tukar baju, ambik towel and mandi...heran..hee...
tak penah2 buat sebelum ni...selalu jm 8 to 9pm baru dok rajin nak pi mandi..tu pun dalam keadaan rela -paksa..hahahhah! siap mandi trus terlanding depan my lappy...hee..
actually nak p masak lepas mandi tu tapi tunang adik i da volunteer so bagi dia masak lar..hee
dalam hati senang la juga..coz memang i malas nak masak pun ari ni...

first benda yg i buat depan pc adalah mengecek email2, spam2 and pa2 la tuk gmail & yahoo i..
1450msg in Gmail????.. huh! maknanya nak kena delete satu2 la...haizz..such a boring things to do...pa ble buat..terpaksa...
sambil2 baca balik msg2 taun2 lepas yg masih belum terdelete..hee...i smile..hahha! lucu..!
tetiba kenangan lalu mengintai kembali...biarla..benda lepas jangan di kenang..
kenangan yg bakal d cipta tahun ini yg perlu di ingat...yeahhh!!!

Emm..saya merindui Dia...mesti main DOTA lg tu dia..biarla..i feel hungry actually...
lambat ooo derang masak..( Pa kaitan ni...whatever!! )
I Miss Him..huhuhu..!!dapat ka i dating sma Dia ni besok??..huh! arap2 la dapat...miss Him like crazy da ni..God, harap2 miracle ada besok..hee..! Amen..

emm..k la..enough tuk ari ni...dinner i dah siap..nak gi mamam lu k...see u next day!!

MUAXXXXX!!! for you Si Hubby... - LOVE U FOREVER..!

..The Feels..

emm...tia ble tidur...huhuhu..always ending it with blog..

i wish to hold his hand everyday..hee...

tapi everytime kami kuar tia pula terpegang..

buat cam most couples...holding hands while walking...

i feel cam romantic nie..hee

tapi cam rimas pula..hahhaha! susah mo jalan..biarla...

i will do it someday..:)

just finished talking wit him on phone..tapi ndak puas..biarla..dia ngantok..

and i miss him damn much already...huhuhu..

me?? tadi ngantok tp now fresh pula..hee

lgpun lama da tia update blog..

i been with his family for 2 time..1st time on new year and the latest is last week..

i enjoy..neves still ada...itu misti...wish that everything in control..

walaupun smtimes rasa janggal & segan..tp still i like staying around them..

sporting..! and i like it...hee..

i start ody knowing half of his family..but i has'nt let him know mine yet..

dunno how to start...how im going to tell mum about this..

should i said " Ma, sa ada boyfriend suda"..sound funny...

i know mum know little bit ody.. she mybe knew it from my sisters & aunties..

but i feel wanna tell her by myself... but the problem now is i just dunno hw to begin..

hahhaha...Gila kan..im afraid to tell Her...

Ni la ni masalah dia if jarang sharing..sa mengaku yg sa x berapa rapat dengan mum..

dari kecil mmg cam ni..hee..sometimes i wish i can be someone else..

yg ble bercerita apa saja wit her mum..

and i wish i can tell her about him as soon as possible..

why?? becoz im serious with this Guy..and i wont let him go..

im addicted every part of him..every words..but the smile is the one that kiling me..

I love it..the way he walk..the way he tell me something..his noisy sound..hahha..!

im gonna miss it all!!!

Suddenly THE PLAN appear again..haizz..! scared , unpatient , happy , worried.. - all in 1..

i really hoping its happen...sooner or later he will be mine..Forever n Ever..hee..

God Bless Us..!

P/S : Im missing u already En. Ronald...lambat tul tu masa oo...

.. New Year Thoughts ..

" HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011"
- Terima Kasih Tuhan kerna saya masih lagi di beri kesempatan untuk tinggal di Dunia ini..bernafas dan bersama2 dengan orang2 yang saya cintai.. -

rasa2 macam da setahun tak update..haa..padahal baru beberapa hari je..
New Year..New Day..New Life & New Hope..
4 perkataan yang kerap kali muncul dalam kepala..

Maknanya usia bertambah setahun lagi..pengalaman hidup juga semakin bertambah..dan untuk pertama kali nya saya terfikir tentang kehidupan saya selepas ini...kebahagiaan juga matlamat hidup...terfikir untuk menamatkan cara hidup saya sebelum ini.. dalam menuju usia matang (26 thn tu dah kira matang ke?? ) ada satu benda yg mengusik hati nurani saya.. benda yang selama ini saya simpan dan elak.. kekadang rasa diri macam lucu..hahha..! tapi yang pasti hal ini semakin kuat berpaut pada luluh hati...OMG!! i think im getting matured already..hahahhah!

Tapi pada masa yang sama ketakutan itu mendahului segalanya..mengatasi segala keberanian yang selama ini saya pegang berabis...takut jika semua angan2 saya hancur dan pergi begitu sahaja..kerna sudah saya tetapkan angan2 ini adalah yang terakhir..biar macam mana sekali pun susah saya akan tetap berusaha..itu janji saya pada saat 2011 melabuh kan tirainya...

Orang2 sekitar asyik meluahkan azam2 baru mereka padahal benda itu sudah mereka jadi kan azam tahun lepas..saya juga begitu tahun2 lepas cuma pada tahun ini saya hanya ingin jadi diri saya yang sebenarnya..saya penat jadi hipokrit, Ego & Sombong pada diri sendiri...biar la pada tahun ini saya biarkan MASA membantu saya..bukan malas cuma saya penat untuk jadi seperti orang lain...

Huh..! titik airmata pertama untuk 2011 mengalir lagi.. yang pastinya saya rasa takut sangat..! kamu pasti tau apa yang saya maksudkan..saya takut kehilangan Si Dia...sejujurnya, Dia mempengaruhi 80% mood saya tahun ini...dan kalau boleh saya tidak mau kehilangan walau 1% pun.. Dia saya sudah kunci dengan kuat dalam hati...kalau pun nanti saya terpaksa buka balik biarla pada saat itu hati saya 100% rela..kerna saya tahu selepas ini hati saya akan jadi macam mana..

Memang susah mo percaya kalau saya bilang ' Saya mahu dia jadi sebahagian dari hidup saya selamanya ' - i want him to be the first one i saw every morning and the last one every nite...
saya mau dia jadi orang pertama yang saya bisa kongsi segala kesedihan dan kegembiraan saya... because i miss the way he talk to me... Honestly, i miss his Voice.. Everything lar..!!

i welcoming the New Year with Him..do you know how i feel?? im really2 happy..macam tia mo balik jak time tu..kalau boleh mau stay trus dengan dia.. i miss the 2 days together with him and his family..

Hubby,

As u know you're the most priority in my heart now..

i hope u know that..

no one can change the fact that im in love with you..

i accept all yours as the new years come..

im trully hoping that theres a miracle for us this years..

more happiness and love..

more patient and caring..

but the most things that i wish is i hope there is more trust between us..

i dont know what bothering you most but i do hope that its won't distrub us..

you're everything in my life now..

the most important 'THINGS' i wanna have..

Hubby,

im afraid to says ' YOU'RE MINE '

but i wish that you are tottaly mine..

i dunno how to express my feels actually..

but to tell you the truth that IM TRULLY IN LOVE WIT U!!

i know i already told you dis b4..

I LOVE U DAMN MUCH!!

no one can change you in me now..

i just hope something precious happen to my life this years...! thats what keep pop-in my mind..
i will do everything..sacrifice what i have even i have to cry a lot..i dont care anymore coz im serious this time..

God,

i let all my dreams to you..

help me this time..

i need an extra strenght so i can fight any bad things that distrub my plan..

i Love him and want him to be mine..

i need your help on that...

Thanks again for everything that you've plan for my life..

im happy and really thankful..

enough for today!! will update later..2011 will be mo challenging for me..and i will share it here..
everything..! the happy and sad moments..the laughter and the tears.. the smile and the hope..
and the most important is the LOVE and the DREAMS..


P/S : i miss u Hubby.. im thinking of you from the first entry till the end of this post..every moment is YOU!!..

~ 2010 SUMMARY ~

its 2.30am...my eyes dont want to close..still fresh!! ni la ni penyebab red eyes kali kan...hee..

this would be my last post on this years...i post it early coz i know i would been busy on 31st Dec..hee..

2010 - mY toughest year..teach me a lot of things..i think i know how life is in this years..i got so many feeling..pain , Down , Lost , & happy with love...

My early years was really tough & hard..i feel the pain and its hurt me most...Break-Up really makes me down..im lost...dunno what to do..i become the hater...i become EMO.. i get drunk just to make all that pain go...and for the 1st time also i can drink beer that much..its feels like i just drinks a juice..crazy rite...Honestly, the break-up really effect my life..i started to hate myself...i feel like wanna be someone else...

im hopeless for almost 7 month..all i thinks is my past...i always say im moving on but still i pretend about it..and for the 1st time i feel the pain of break-up...and its haunted me for almost a years start end of 2009...

Huh! thats life..not all our dreams will come true...and i believe that theres always a reasons for all that..maybe God wanna let someone else come to our life which is better than ourselves.. Now he have someone else so do i..kekadang bila fikir balik semua kejadian yang berlaku terasa bersyukur juga lar walaupun kesakitan tu masih terasa...bersyukur kerna ia mengajar saya untuk memaafkan...menerima seseorang itu seadanya..kebaikan & keburukan...belajar menerima pandangan orang terhadap diri sendiri...that's the advantage i got from the Break-up..

Honestly i cant never forget everything..and i would not forgeting it..i'll keep all the memories & pain in the other side of my book stories...dan dengan rasminya saya menutup Buku itu..and i will keep it at some place that no one can reach..biarla semua yang terjadi menjadi rasiah antara saya, dia & Tuhan...All i can do is just pray for His happiness with his loves one..

This years also i got so many frens..i know a lot of different people...Thanks to all members of The Frontier Clubs ( sudah di bubarkan) & De' Nameless.. You all makes me who i am..knowing you all is a precious gift i ever got..for the 1st time also i got Friends that much..hang out with you all was my happy moment...you all teach me to be more confident, cheerfull and little bit talkactive even i know i still the silent one...hee... i really cant change that one...and in that one Group also i meet my Love one..hee...itu nanti la cerita...skijap lagi..hahaha..!

To Sharbby & Hatinreh...you know what 2010 is our 1st year aniversary..i wanna thanks both of them for still walking with me in my life...the one who i shared a lot of my secrets...the one who i shared all my pain...the one i shared all my happy moments...really thankfull to God coz He let me meet this two beautiful ladies and become my BFF..i love them like i love my family...they are my Sisters..! and it will be till the end of my life...thats my promise..!

Mei 2010 juga saya kena langkah bendul..hee..know wht its mean???..its mean my youngers sister get engaged early than me so mean i got FREE gold ring...and thats means people wont stop asking for me to find someone..its mean BOYFRIEND!!...hahahah...honestly, that time i never ever think about it..never cross my mind pun..so everytime they ask i just say " sabar bah, palan2..ndak lama juga ni..." hahaha..! ingat senang ka cari boyfriend...the break-up still haunted me that time...Mum also cant stop asking me to meet her friend's son..wakakkaka! im not that kind...i rather find it by myself than being arrange by others..i know what want..hee

Sept 2010 is my 2nd years with Zuma Engineering Sdn. Bhd..honestly i says i feel boring..i feel wanna Quit and find another jobs next year..the staff was awesome but i just dont like the jobs..i need something yang adventure skit...not just sit, pick up the phone and surfing internet..wasting time only...i'll move next year..when?? dunno yet but for sure i'll do that..need new environment for new year..hee

And the most important things that happen this years is meeting MR. RONALD...the one that catch my heart again..the one that open back my feels...the one that cheers back my mood but the good things that he do is He make me FALL IN LOVE again...at 20th September 2010 he says He Love me...and He officially become my Boyfriend..! what a life..! and i become happy again..i forgot my past...and i totally forgive my Ex..! and today we've been together for 3 month, 1 week & 2 days...still early but im serious with this relationship now..its different from the others..ans im really sure about this...even its not good hoping too much still i want to do it..coz i know im deeply in love with him...Hopefully it will be longer this time...coz i wanna be more serious than before..

New Year?? suddenly its catch my mind...new resolution?? i already have it..and i really wanna makes it happen this time...i just feel unpatient to meet 2011 even i feel little bit scared..hee...normal ma kan? hahahha..! i wish a big gift next year..more money!! hahhaa..! more healthy...i dont want to have that Red eyes again..panat eehh!! spoiling my mood only...and of kos more LOVE..especially to my Family and to you Si Hubby!!!..REMEMBER that you should love me as much as i am and plus your love to me..hee..cam na tu arr??? bingung!! hahhaa..! - One thing you should know is I LOVE U MORE everyday!!! i hope you too feel the same..God bless us till Death!! Amen!! - Im hoping for THE PLAN..

Apa2 pun.. Dengan rasminya pada jam 4.00am ini.. saya RAIN menutup segala cerita sedih , lucu & Gembira saya pada 2010...sila nantikan kemunculan saya pada Tahun Depan iaitu 2011..

" WISH YOU ALL HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011" - may that year bring you all More bless, more healthy, More Love & happiness to your LOVE ONES ( Family + BFF )

p/s : 31st i'll celebrate the countdown with Him & His family..1st meeting them..hee...nervous juga lar..just wait and see...will update tou you all later..!

..LIFE again..

i cry again!! hate it actually but at the same time i like it..:)

Sometimes i dont understand what life is...but for me life is when im with all of THEM!!..the one i love so much..but why some people didnt do as i am?? am i wrong??

Christmas this years was great..but i still dissapoint about something...till now i feel it was the silly things that someone ever do...why put your ego so high??? tidak boleh ka mengalah sekejap?? sampai bila benda tu akan selesai...nama saja lelaki..shett!! You makes my loved ones cry and i'll hate you as long as i want...i dont care anymore...!!

Still my christmas days didnt as perfect as i wish!!..why always problems comes when im happy?..thats why i scared laughing a lot coz i know after that tears will come..

Huh! im missing him again!! Si Hubby..!! just cry..huhu! i cant stand missing him every second..even i just finished talking to him at phone..macam tia puas..! seems something have'nt fulfill...God, help me...its hurt!! i cry when i missed him..i cry when im angry..i cry when im happy together with him...he is the most important now..help me to make him mine..i just cannot imagine my life without thingking of him...

I love U so much Si Hubby!!

.. Thinking Of You ..

im thinking of him.. most of the time..!! maybe its too much for you but i just cant stop thinking of him today..dunno why? im missing Him a lot thats the point... Argghhh!

Rasa bersalah sangat..haizz..! i dunno how is his feels last nite but i wanna say SORRY sangat2.. i know im wrong last nite...dunno y but suddenly no moods...thats why la i act nak tak nak ja time dia call...i feel so bad...! haizz..!

Miss Him !!! ( Shet..im drowning again...!!) - hard to breath!! God, please make me strong this time.. im scared!! really scared...haizzz..! why so moody today..?? ( I MISS HIM can u get it??!! )sakit sangat ni hati..i just dunno how to face it...

will meet him soon..but i feel that times pass so slow.. i just cant wait..huh! tia siok ni feels..kalau boleh i want to see him everyday! sakit jiwa tahan rindu.. for the first time i missed someone that much.. and for the first time also i feel scared facing New Year walaupun dalam masa yang sama ndak sabar.. dunno y..but im scared for walking there.. banyak benda yang ganggu kepala hotak sia time nie... But, at the same time hoping that nothing bad happen to me..especially US.. thats the things dat i scared so much.. Pa2 pun..i just wanna leave all this to God.. biar pa pun yg terjadi i hope that i can accept it...

i'll be missing him more on this christmas..! dah la x dapat celebrate sama2.. haizz!!

** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, HUBBY **